Anonymous wrote:She took care of your dying aunt and is now taking care of your uncle. She deserves it. You have a house, she does not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She took care of your dying aunt and is now taking care of your uncle. She deserves it. You have a house, she does not.

+1

She upended her life to care for them, OP.

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t owed an inheritance. It was your grandparent’s house. Now it belongs to your uncle. He could have sold it to a an unrelated party and donated the proceeds to charity. Just because it’s “in the family” doesn’t mean you get a share.

Anonymous wrote:My aunt left everything to her husband. So it was my uncle's house - and he signed it over to my sister. I get that he wants her to live there and take care of the house (and him). I am not upset at him really for this as I get it. I just wish my sister had shared the process with my brother and me.

My father passed away 25 years ago. My mother lives in the same state as my sister and brother and has remained very close to my dad's family - she and my aunt were like sisters. My mom has chosen to stay out of it in terms of talking with me about it. She has been aware of all that has been going on - and did not share with me because if anyone asks her to not talk about something she won't. I have expressed my anger and frustration to her and asked why she didn't advocate for my brother and I - and she said it wasn't her place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is fair, OP. It's ok to be sad about it.

But please don't be mad at your sister over it. Really, what were the alternatives? You say you couldn't live in the house. Ok, so you wanted to share the financial benefit? How would that work? If he left it equally to all three of you, would your sister still live there? Would you expect her to buy you and your brother out on order to continue living there? If not, how do you actually gain financially from owning 1/3 of it? If she couldn't afford to buy you out, would the house be sold and you three split the proceeds? If it's emotional value that you care about, why would that be any better than your sister living there?

Please try to believe that your uncle was trying to do the right thing ... The same thing his parents did for him. Sharing a property between siblings doesn't always work out well. He thought it best to leave it to one person, who happens to be at a station in life where she could use the help, and who also has been carrying for him. At least that way it stays in the family.

They probably didn't mention it because they felt awkward and didn't know how to bring it up. So at least now it's out on the table. So go ahead and mourn the fact that it won't be yours, and even tell your sister that you're sad about being left out. But if you hold this against her, you'll lose a sister in addition to losing the house.

OP here - This is very helpful. Thank you. I think I am disappointed in my pettiness - in myself for not being able to just be happy for her. I will get there. I think as with all family stories - there is a lot of history that goes into reactions and interpretations - in my head I am responding to people's posts with, "yeah, but..." But, at the end of the day it doesn't matter. It is family. We make family with our choices and and I need to choose to be happy for her. To let this go.

Anonymous wrote:I am trying to work through my anger at my sister and thought maybe some new perspectives might help. My uncle (married to my paternal aunt) recently signed our grandparents'/his house over to my sister - none of this was openly discussed with my brother or me. I think my sister should have openly discussed this and we should have come together as a family as it was the house our grandparents built. She thinks it was my uncle's choice and there was nothing she could do about it. She and her newlywed husband will be moving in soon. They were renting before and this will be their home now with my uncle still living there with them.

Background - my paternal grandfather and grandmother built a house in the 1970s when they retired. They have both since passed. My dad's sister and her husband lived in the house since the mid-1990's (my father and his brother both passed away young). They moved in to take care of my ailing grandfather and have lived there ever since. My aunt and uncle have no children - my brother, sister and I are the only grandchildren.

My aunt worked hard as a social worker and my uncle is an artist who used to do carpentry but has not worked in a traditional job for the past 20 years. They (mostly my aunt) kept the house in beautiful shape and the neighborhood has become quite popular. My brother lives in the same state - but is not super involved in our side of the family (spends more time with his wife's family). He and my uncle are not close. My then single sister moved back to the state from NYC (where she had lived for 15 years) when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. She moved in with my aunt and uncle and helped out a lot as my aunt was sick and passed away. My uncle and sister are close - as I said she lived with them while my aunt was dying and stayed after for a few months until she moved in with her fiance- now husband (it was a whirlwind romance/elopement). I live in DC area with my husband and two kids. My aunt and I were very close and I have always gotten along with my uncle. The house is special to me as I had lived there in high school with my grandfather - had my high school graduation party there, had my wedding reception there, and spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle when I lived in the state ( I moved away about 8 years ago).

I understand that I could not live in the house - and I understand that it makes sense that my sister live there. But - why not share the financial benefits of the house with my brother and I? OUr family is not wealthy and this is one clear family inheritance. Why is it now just her house? Am I being selfish? At the heart of it is that it was all done without talking to me or my brother about it. She called to talk about which wine glasses or dinnerware I wanted and I found out that way that my uncle had already signed the house over to her. I know I need to get past this for our relationship - any advice on how to do so?

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is fair, OP. It's ok to be sad about it.

But please don't be mad at your sister over it. Really, what were the alternatives? You say you couldn't live in the house. Ok, so you wanted to share the financial benefit? How would that work? If he left it equally to all three of you, would your sister still live there? Would you expect her to buy you and your brother out on order to continue living there? If not, how do you actually gain financially from owning 1/3 of it? If she couldn't afford to buy you out, would the house be sold and you three split the proceeds? If it's emotional value that you care about, why would that be any better than your sister living there?

Please try to believe that your uncle was trying to do the right thing ... The same thing his parents did for him. Sharing a property between siblings doesn't always work out well. He thought it best to leave it to one person, who happens to be at a station in life where she could use the help, and who also has been carrying for him. At least that way it stays in the family.

They probably didn't mention it because they felt awkward and didn't know how to bring it up. So at least now it's out on the table. So go ahead and mourn the fact that it won't be yours, and even tell your sister that you're sad about being left out. But if you hold this against her, you'll lose a sister in addition to losing the house.