Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only know 1 guy who regrets it (bc he talks about "what might have been"). I only know his side bc he was the friend and not his wife. They married and then were divorced within like 6-9 months. IDK why but from day 1 that marriage was about HIM and HIS parents, instead of him and his wife. It was constantly -- my parents wouldn't like it if we took this trip or made that purchase; my mom expects us home for this holiday or that weekend or whatever. That coupled with the fact that he's the type of guy who is a smooth talker/exaggerator leads me to believe that when he was dating her (only for 1-2 yrs) he was acted normal. I know back then he was wining and dining her and making future plans with her. I think she thought it was real.

They get married and suddenly despite being 30 and 100% born and raised in America (she was of the same culture but also 100% born and raised here), he turned into an old man from his culture with the whole attitude of I am the husband, we will do things how me and my family want (despite his family living 200 miles away).

She was out the door asap bc presumably she didn't want to live like that. He is now 45 and still single -- while she was a hottie who has married and has 3 kids -- so he STILL talks about what might have been, what if they had had kids etc.

Indian men tend to turn into Indian men after marriage.

Pakistani actually but I think culturally the views on males/husbands ruling the roost aren't that dissimilar, yet bc this guy knew he wouldn't be able to snag a pretty, ivy educated, bringing home great money, born/raised in America type of woman from the same cultural background if he did his "I'm the man" act while dating -- seems like he put on a LOT of airs while dating to show how open minded and normal American he was. Then when the ring is on it, the true colors came out and his parents totally were egging him on about the things a husband "should demand." I mean his mother (who is a 100% clean freak, lifelong homemaker) demanded that before the daughter in law leave after a visit, she clean the bathroom they used. She sort of shrugged it off thinking it was a joke -- and DH enforced it bc that's what his mama wanted. Dunno if that was the beginning of the end but it might have been. FWIW when he was acting this way and allowing his parents to treat the DIL like a servant, many of his friends -- including other guys of the same background --told him to knock it off, we were not in the dark ages and she'd divorce him. He was so convinced he was right, he didn't listen.

That's probably because he knew she needs his permission for the Islamic divorce unless the contract stipulated otherwise.

I think she walked away from the legal marriage and re married later. No idea what they did religiously but knowing him and what a douche he was, no way he would have granted a divorce and certainly not within 6 months. The culture thing became his obsession more than hers so she probably just got out under NY state law regardless of what any imam would say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only know 1 guy who regrets it (bc he talks about "what might have been"). I only know his side bc he was the friend and not his wife. They married and then were divorced within like 6-9 months. IDK why but from day 1 that marriage was about HIM and HIS parents, instead of him and his wife. It was constantly -- my parents wouldn't like it if we took this trip or made that purchase; my mom expects us home for this holiday or that weekend or whatever. That coupled with the fact that he's the type of guy who is a smooth talker/exaggerator leads me to believe that when he was dating her (only for 1-2 yrs) he was acted normal. I know back then he was wining and dining her and making future plans with her. I think she thought it was real.

They get married and suddenly despite being 30 and 100% born and raised in America (she was of the same culture but also 100% born and raised here), he turned into an old man from his culture with the whole attitude of I am the husband, we will do things how me and my family want (despite his family living 200 miles away).

She was out the door asap bc presumably she didn't want to live like that. He is now 45 and still single -- while she was a hottie who has married and has 3 kids -- so he STILL talks about what might have been, what if they had had kids etc.

Indian men tend to turn into Indian men after marriage.

Pakistani actually but I think culturally the views on males/husbands ruling the roost aren't that dissimilar, yet bc this guy knew he wouldn't be able to snag a pretty, ivy educated, bringing home great money, born/raised in America type of woman from the same cultural background if he did his "I'm the man" act while dating -- seems like he put on a LOT of airs while dating to show how open minded and normal American he was. Then when the ring is on it, the true colors came out and his parents totally were egging him on about the things a husband "should demand." I mean his mother (who is a 100% clean freak, lifelong homemaker) demanded that before the daughter in law leave after a visit, she clean the bathroom they used. She sort of shrugged it off thinking it was a joke -- and DH enforced it bc that's what his mama wanted. Dunno if that was the beginning of the end but it might have been. FWIW when he was acting this way and allowing his parents to treat the DIL like a servant, many of his friends -- including other guys of the same background --told him to knock it off, we were not in the dark ages and she'd divorce him. He was so convinced he was right, he didn't listen.

That's probably because he knew she needs his permission for the Islamic divorce unless the contract stipulated otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only know 1 guy who regrets it (bc he talks about "what might have been"). I only know his side bc he was the friend and not his wife. They married and then were divorced within like 6-9 months. IDK why but from day 1 that marriage was about HIM and HIS parents, instead of him and his wife. It was constantly -- my parents wouldn't like it if we took this trip or made that purchase; my mom expects us home for this holiday or that weekend or whatever. That coupled with the fact that he's the type of guy who is a smooth talker/exaggerator leads me to believe that when he was dating her (only for 1-2 yrs) he was acted normal. I know back then he was wining and dining her and making future plans with her. I think she thought it was real.

They get married and suddenly despite being 30 and 100% born and raised in America (she was of the same culture but also 100% born and raised here), he turned into an old man from his culture with the whole attitude of I am the husband, we will do things how me and my family want (despite his family living 200 miles away).

She was out the door asap bc presumably she didn't want to live like that. He is now 45 and still single -- while she was a hottie who has married and has 3 kids -- so he STILL talks about what might have been, what if they had had kids etc.

Indian men tend to turn into Indian men after marriage.

Pakistani actually but I think culturally the views on males/husbands ruling the roost aren't that dissimilar, yet bc this guy knew he wouldn't be able to snag a pretty, ivy educated, bringing home great money, born/raised in America type of woman from the same cultural background if he did his "I'm the man" act while dating -- seems like he put on a LOT of airs while dating to show how open minded and normal American he was. Then when the ring is on it, the true colors came out and his parents totally were egging him on about the things a husband "should demand." I mean his mother (who is a 100% clean freak, lifelong homemaker) demanded that before the daughter in law leave after a visit, she clean the bathroom they used. She sort of shrugged it off thinking it was a joke -- and DH enforced it bc that's what his mama wanted. Dunno if that was the beginning of the end but it might have been. FWIW when he was acting this way and allowing his parents to treat the DIL like a servant, many of his friends -- including other guys of the same background --told him to knock it off, we were not in the dark ages and she'd divorce him. He was so convinced he was right, he didn't listen.

Anonymous wrote:I only know 1 guy who regrets it (bc he talks about "what might have been"). I only know his side bc he was the friend and not his wife. They married and then were divorced within like 6-9 months. IDK why but from day 1 that marriage was about HIM and HIS parents, instead of him and his wife. It was constantly -- my parents wouldn't like it if we took this trip or made that purchase; my mom expects us home for this holiday or that weekend or whatever. That coupled with the fact that he's the type of guy who is a smooth talker/exaggerator leads me to believe that when he was dating her (only for 1-2 yrs) he was acted normal. I know back then he was wining and dining her and making future plans with her. I think she thought it was real.

They get married and suddenly despite being 30 and 100% born and raised in America (she was of the same culture but also 100% born and raised here), he turned into an old man from his culture with the whole attitude of I am the husband, we will do things how me and my family want (despite his family living 200 miles away).

She was out the door asap bc presumably she didn't want to live like that. He is now 45 and still single -- while she was a hottie who has married and has 3 kids -- so he STILL talks about what might have been, what if they had had kids etc.

Indian men tend to turn into Indian men after marriage.

I only know 1 guy who regrets it (bc he talks about "what might have been"). I only know his side bc he was the friend and not his wife. They married and then were divorced within like 6-9 months. IDK why but from day 1 that marriage was about HIM and HIS parents, instead of him and his wife. It was constantly -- my parents wouldn't like it if we took this trip or made that purchase; my mom expects us home for this holiday or that weekend or whatever. That coupled with the fact that he's the type of guy who is a smooth talker/exaggerator leads me to believe that when he was dating her (only for 1-2 yrs) he was acted normal. I know back then he was wining and dining her and making future plans with her. I think she thought it was real.

They get married and suddenly despite being 30 and 100% born and raised in America (she was of the same culture but also 100% born and raised here), he turned into an old man from his culture with the whole attitude of I am the husband, we will do things how me and my family want (despite his family living 200 miles away).

She was out the door asap bc presumably she didn't want to live like that. He is now 45 and still single -- while she was a hottie who has married and has 3 kids -- so he STILL talks about what might have been, what if they had had kids etc.

Anonymous wrote:Man here, early 50s, divorced after being married nearly 25 years. No, I do not regret being divorced from my substance abusing, lazy, cheating, lying, physically and emotionally abusive wife. I do regret that she turned into what she became. I didn't recognize her compared to the woman she was 30 years ago. I do regret that I am no longer with my children all the time. I do regret marrying her. I do regret that I allowed her to not contribute to the family. I do regret all the housework and chores and cleaning and cooking and laundry I did, after working a 50 hour week, because I hoped to appease her rage.

Men, there is hope! I now live in a clean home, I eat healthy meals, I have a little free time, and lots of women to date (ages 22-52!). But I still regret the lost years, the time spent hoping she'd pull her head out of her ass. I could have been with a decent woman the whole time.

+1

Man here, early 50s, divorced after being married nearly 25 years. No, I do not regret being divorced from my substance abusing, lazy, cheating, lying, physically and emotionally abusive wife. I do regret that she turned into what she became. I didn't recognize her compared to the woman she was 30 years ago. I do regret that I am no longer with my children all the time. I do regret marrying her. I do regret that I allowed her to not contribute to the family. I do regret all the housework and chores and cleaning and cooking and laundry I did, after working a 50 hour week, because I hoped to appease her rage.

Men, there is hope! I now live in a clean home, I eat healthy meals, I have a little free time, and lots of women to date (ages 22-52!). But I still regret the lost years, the time spent hoping she'd pull her head out of her ass. I could have been with a decent woman the whole time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH was caught cheating. Looking at how he continues to beg me not to divorce him or tell other people, I'm sure he would regret getting divorced.

This is mine too. He randomly calls me from work crying about how badly he messed up, what an awful person he is and how he doesn't deserve me. He'll go in and check on our kids sleeping and come out of their room with tears in his eyes for not being the best husband/father he can be. I have no doubt that he has a lot of regrets. I also have no doubt that if we divorce, I'll recover much more quickly than he will (I have independent wealth and a support system in place). The big question is does he regret his actions enough to make real changes.

He doesn't. Move on and make a fabulous life for yourself. You deserve better. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:My DH was caught cheating. Looking at how he continues to beg me not to divorce him or tell other people, I'm sure he would regret getting divorced.

This is mine too. He randomly calls me from work crying about how badly he messed up, what an awful person he is and how he doesn't deserve me. He'll go in and check on our kids sleeping and come out of their room with tears in his eyes for not being the best husband/father he can be. I have no doubt that he has a lot of regrets. I also have no doubt that if we divorce, I'll recover much more quickly than he will (I have independent wealth and a support system in place). The big question is does he regret his actions enough to make real changes.

I probably shouldn’t answer since I’m a woman...but I think that men who get remarried probably don’t regret it but the ones who don’t do:
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/842892

Doesn’t go a day I don’t think about my ex-wife

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any stories about a guy who left his marriage on a whim, but later regretted it? Maybe delusional? Thought he could do better, then found out that was not the case?

Men don't usually divorce because they think they can "do better". Men leave because they are not happy. Yes, men need to be happy also. This notion that it's always the man's fault is so stupid and bias. Some women never learn. When a man isn't happy in a marriage it's the wife's fault also. It's a two way street. It's both party's fault. I know several men who are divorced. None regret it. Why? Because they were so unhappy! We only live for so long, way waste years of it being sad, frustrated and just unhappy waking up.

I don't think most women believe they were perfect (I don't.) But I don't believe my STBXDH put the effort in someone who wanted to save their marriage would. And several times now, my STBX has said things like "I didn't really think you'd leave." So when we were having those awful months of trying and working on things, and we would have the long, terrible discussions and he'd say he was still unhappy... all that time, he still just thought it would work out. Even though he didn't put in the effort or do the work or do the things he said he'd do, he still was surprised when after months of hell, I left. So there are men out there who say they're unhappy but then also just want to sit back and wait for the wife to fix it for them, and that's not how it works. And I'm sure my husband was not the first man to think along the lines of "if it's meant to be, I'll be happy, and it'll all work out" when that isn't how real life works. So while it's not my husband's fault our marriage was flawed, I do not think he handled it well and I don't think he put in the effort he should.

At least you have the guts to admit you had a part to play in a flawed marriage. Women very rarely take accountability for their contributions to the failure. That means you are probably a gem in my book. Anybody who can take accountability for their shortcomings is a person that can have a real give and take relationship.

How do you know this? And are you a man or woman?

He knooooooows! Because he knows. We're ready lucky to have him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any stories about a guy who left his marriage on a whim, but later regretted it? Maybe delusional? Thought he could do better, then found out that was not the case?

Men don't usually divorce because they think they can "do better". Men leave because they are not happy. Yes, men need to be happy also. This notion that it's always the man's fault is so stupid and bias. Some women never learn. When a man isn't happy in a marriage it's the wife's fault also. It's a two way street. It's both party's fault. I know several men who are divorced. None regret it. Why? Because they were so unhappy! We only live for so long, way waste years of it being sad, frustrated and just unhappy waking up.

I don't think most women believe they were perfect (I don't.) But I don't believe my STBXDH put the effort in someone who wanted to save their marriage would. And several times now, my STBX has said things like "I didn't really think you'd leave." So when we were having those awful months of trying and working on things, and we would have the long, terrible discussions and he'd say he was still unhappy... all that time, he still just thought it would work out. Even though he didn't put in the effort or do the work or do the things he said he'd do, he still was surprised when after months of hell, I left. So there are men out there who say they're unhappy but then also just want to sit back and wait for the wife to fix it for them, and that's not how it works. And I'm sure my husband was not the first man to think along the lines of "if it's meant to be, I'll be happy, and it'll all work out" when that isn't how real life works. So while it's not my husband's fault our marriage was flawed, I do not think he handled it well and I don't think he put in the effort he should.

At least you have the guts to admit you had a part to play in a flawed marriage. Women very rarely take accountability for their contributions to the failure. That means you are probably a gem in my book. Anybody who can take accountability for their shortcomings is a person that can have a real give and take relationship.

How do you know this? And are you a man or woman?

My DH was caught cheating. Looking at how he continues to beg me not to divorce him or tell other people, I'm sure he would regret getting divorced.

Oh, and just because this is so fun, I have to tell you that I actually did nothing wrong in my marriage. My XH pretty much thinks I'm a saint. I kind of am.