Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Indian and my Indian MIL is horrible. I have a couple cousins with the same experience with their Indian MIL’s. But not all are terrible, I’m sure. My parents are wonderful to my DH and he loves them.

Could it be...that whether a person is horrible or not has nothing to do with their race or ethnicity? What a concept?

Yes, that’s what I was suggesting . . . hoping OP would be able to connect the dots.

Hello racist comment

So refreshing to see that crazy Indian stereotypes have replaced crazy Jewish stereotypes. Doctor this, doctor that....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get the hate on here. My Indian ILs are wonderful and kind. My MIL cooks and tries to clean for us when they visit, even though she is 70! My FIL helps DH with handiwork around the house (like hanging shelves, mounting TV, etc.). They are also extremely generous with money -- they "loaned" us money for a downpayment and put a couple thousand into the kids' college funds every year. MIL stayed with us for a month after each child was born and treated me like a princess (she wouldn't let me lift a finger! that's how they treat postpartum women in her culture). I have other friends with Indian ILs too (men and women) and none of them have had the crazy experiences you all talk about. I think DCUM just brings out the crazy neurotic WASPy types.

Nothing to do with wasps. I'm a wasp and I don't see why we would have bad relationships with in-laws by virtues of being wasps, so perhaps you're guilty of your own racial stereotyping you're alleging in others?

LOL As an outside observer I can assure you: This has everything to do with WASPs. WASP is a subculture perfectly depicted by DCUM in all its glory. Whenever I'm asked about (presumably white middle class) Americans, I invite people to read DCUM to get the gist of the mainstream culture.

I frequent immigrant message boards, and it's a distinctly different crowd. I haven't found any similar outlets for blacks or Hispanics, but I'd be very interested in reading them!

The bottom line is your cultural heritage dictates you to break off from extended family and have as little to do with them as humanly possible. It's WASP, all right

Your understanding of it is primitive at best. Yes, you go on your own as an individual to make something of yourself. You're respected as an adult once you reach that stage, and your responsibilities and privileges are in line with that. You don't suck out your parents resources and in return they are not attached to you at the hip at all stages of your life guilting you into stuff you don't like or want. Yes, it's different from a communal model of life where there are fewer boundaries between people, an individual is valued lower than the society or family as a whole and traditions or positions of power are antiquated (e.g. DIL is treated like a servant by husband's family or everybody is up in your business and giving you directions on how to live and raise your children).

The bolded is hilarious.

Sucking parents' resources? I am so sorry that you feel like you were sucking from your parents if you took anything from them after reaching adulthood. Perhaps you should seek some therapy.

Family does not guilt other into stuff they do not want to do. Family shares their opinion and feelings, and you choose what to take and what to leave. Guess what? Sharing your opinions with your loved ones instead of bottling it up inside is very therapeutic. Try it. It could save you some money.

My DH is WASP, and his family is very close. They depend on each other and take care of each other into old age, even relatives who did not have children. So I disagree with PP that it is a WASP thing.

So congratulations, you're Indian.

There's a lot of misunderstanding between the two broadly different cultural styles. My Asian in-laws all assumed I was disowned and estranged from my family because we don't talk/visit frequently. Nope, we're close but we're WASPs. We treat each other as equal adults, we have boundaries, and we respect each other's privacy and independence.

Each side thinks its way is the right way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get the hate on here. My Indian ILs are wonderful and kind. My MIL cooks and tries to clean for us when they visit, even though she is 70! My FIL helps DH with handiwork around the house (like hanging shelves, mounting TV, etc.). They are also extremely generous with money -- they "loaned" us money for a downpayment and put a couple thousand into the kids' college funds every year. MIL stayed with us for a month after each child was born and treated me like a princess (she wouldn't let me lift a finger! that's how they treat postpartum women in her culture). I have other friends with Indian ILs too (men and women) and none of them have had the crazy experiences you all talk about. I think DCUM just brings out the crazy neurotic WASPy types.

Nothing to do with wasps. I'm a wasp and I don't see why we would have bad relationships with in-laws by virtues of being wasps, so perhaps you're guilty of your own racial stereotyping you're alleging in others?

LOL As an outside observer I can assure you: This has everything to do with WASPs. WASP is a subculture perfectly depicted by DCUM in all its glory. Whenever I'm asked about (presumably white middle class) Americans, I invite people to read DCUM to get the gist of the mainstream culture.

I frequent immigrant message boards, and it's a distinctly different crowd. I haven't found any similar outlets for blacks or Hispanics, but I'd be very interested in reading them!

The bottom line is your cultural heritage dictates you to break off from extended family and have as little to do with them as humanly possible. It's WASP, all right

Your understanding of it is primitive at best. Yes, you go on your own as an individual to make something of yourself. You're respected as an adult once you reach that stage, and your responsibilities and privileges are in line with that. You don't suck out your parents resources and in return they are not attached to you at the hip at all stages of your life guilting you into stuff you don't like or want. Yes, it's different from a communal model of life where there are fewer boundaries between people, an individual is valued lower than the society or family as a whole and traditions or positions of power are antiquated (e.g. DIL is treated like a servant by husband's family or everybody is up in your business and giving you directions on how to live and raise your children).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get the hate on here. My Indian ILs are wonderful and kind. My MIL cooks and tries to clean for us when they visit, even though she is 70! My FIL helps DH with handiwork around the house (like hanging shelves, mounting TV, etc.). They are also extremely generous with money -- they "loaned" us money for a downpayment and put a couple thousand into the kids' college funds every year. MIL stayed with us for a month after each child was born and treated me like a princess (she wouldn't let me lift a finger! that's how they treat postpartum women in her culture). I have other friends with Indian ILs too (men and women) and none of them have had the crazy experiences you all talk about. I think DCUM just brings out the crazy neurotic WASPy types.

Nothing to do with wasps. I'm a wasp and I don't see why we would have bad relationships with in-laws by virtues of being wasps, so perhaps you're guilty of your own racial stereotyping you're alleging in others?

LOL As an outside observer I can assure you: This has everything to do with WASPs. WASP is a subculture perfectly depicted by DCUM in all its glory. Whenever I'm asked about (presumably white middle class) Americans, I invite people to read DCUM to get the gist of the mainstream culture.

I frequent immigrant message boards, and it's a distinctly different crowd. I haven't found any similar outlets for blacks or Hispanics, but I'd be very interested in reading them!

The bottom line is your cultural heritage dictates you to break off from extended family and have as little to do with them as humanly possible. It's WASP, all right

Anonymous wrote:Some people are pleasant and considerate and easy to get along with.

Some people are not.

My hypothesis is that your ethnic or racial group has nothing to do with this.

+1,000,000.

Some people are pleasant and considerate and easy to get along with.

Some people are not.

My hypothesis is that your ethnic or racial group has nothing to do with this.

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get the hate on here. My Indian ILs are wonderful and kind. My MIL cooks and tries to clean for us when they visit, even though she is 70! My FIL helps DH with handiwork around the house (like hanging shelves, mounting TV, etc.). They are also extremely generous with money -- they "loaned" us money for a downpayment and put a couple thousand into the kids' college funds every year. MIL stayed with us for a month after each child was born and treated me like a princess (she wouldn't let me lift a finger! that's how they treat postpartum women in her culture). I have other friends with Indian ILs too (men and women) and none of them have had the crazy experiences you all talk about. I think DCUM just brings out the crazy neurotic WASPy types.

OP, imagine you mil stayed with you for 6 months, expects to be praised for all her cooking everyday...taking over your house, ur decision in how to raise your kids, what to cook and what not to cook, always complaining how she does all the work even though she doesn't let you do anything and top of that....NO PRIVACY!! she expects that she needs to be invited to every outing you have with your spouse and kids!! Makes faces when you eat out with your husband and not invited...