Get the sitter. Kid time with an intense kid is interminable! My first one was a breeze, but my second can feel like torture after several days in a row (I WOH). I feel for the DW in this scenario. I always say that working is the reason why I enjoy my kids. Not saying that's the solution for your family, just my experience.

a couple questions:

does your son have any developmental issues? What does "a handful" mean? My son had sensory issues that manifested themselves as being hugely difficult, emotional,etc. He's now 8 and we have a dx but when he was a toddler it just seemed like "a handful." I'm just bringing this up in case it is a potential issue--perhaps he is just a neurotypical and challenging child.

also, you mention that your son screams/cries when your wife tries to leave at night to get out? If there are not developmental issues, it seems to me that this is going to be the case even with a sitter. I would think a good preschool 2 or 3 mornings a week would help him adjust. They are used to kids freaking out at first but it is important that he adapt to other caretakers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure you can find someone for $10/hour. One morning/week for 4 hours. Is $40/week a budget buster?

Agree. I think $40-50 / week isn't outrageous / could probably be cut out elsewhere if needed.

Since it sounds like she wants to be at home (just in another part of the house), you could try hiring a 'mother's helper'? This is usually a 11/12 year old who loves kids and is interested in babysitting but obviously can't be left alone with a baby yet - obviously you pay them less. The downsides are this obviously isn't an option in the morning (which may be when she'd like time off), and depending on the person you risk them not being as great as you'd wish at keeping him occupied in another part of the house and not needing to come to your wife for help multiple times. I do think you can find this though...I did this as a 12 year old and it was great.

Other options (I have no idea where you live / if these are really options / what they'd cost): I have seen some posts where nanny shares have openings on certain days - maybe you could negotiate something there? Similarly, she could try to find another stay at home mom who wants to make a little extra money and would watch her (probably at her house though...) one morning a week or something. I knew a SAHM who did unofficial "drop in" care at her house and she charged less than an independent babysitter would've cost.

I'm sure you can find someone for $10/hour. One morning/week for 4 hours. Is $40/week a budget buster?

Anonymous wrote:The problem about giving her break only through your time is that she is also probably missing time with you/as another adult and as her husband. She also may see the time with the 3 of you together in the evening as successful family time so I can see why she doesn't want that.

Please agree together to hire a babysitter for her to have some restorative time during the week (don't make it you allowing her geeez!!!) Being at home is hard and lonely and if your kid is at a tough stage please have compassion for her as an adult trying to tell you she needs a bit of a break.

Exactly

At least hire a high school kid so you don't have to pay them a ton.

I am confused why you don't know how to help your wife feel less stressed. She TOLD you exactly what she needs. To hire a babysitter.

BTW, DH and I often put our kids to sleep and then go out. THey stay down once they're put to bed so it's no big deal to have someone sit and watch tv for a while.

Anonymous wrote:Wow never heard of a man stress this much over a household decision. My husband would say we can’t afford it and no without skipping a beat. And would probably throw in I’m lazy in there just for good measure.

Your husband sounds awful. So sorry.

Wow never heard of a man stress this much over a household decision. My husband would say we can’t afford it and no without skipping a beat. And would probably throw in I’m lazy in there just for good measure.

Anonymous wrote:Divorced woman here—know what my favorite night of the week is? Hint: it’s the night my ex has the kids and I get to veg on the couch, watch tv, and eat whatever I want in silence with no one pulling on me or asking me for something.

My favorite morning is the next day when he drops them off.

I get a much needed break during the week. You can hire the babysitter or try it my way. Your choice.

Ya'll are so dramatic.

OP asked for alternatives, wants to help, but thinks a babysitter is costly. Seems like a reasonable DH, maybe a little clueless, who is asking for suggestions. But no, he's divorce worthy. FFS.

Get her a sitter 3-4 hours a morning once a week.

Divorced woman here—know what my favorite night of the week is? Hint: it’s the night my ex has the kids and I get to veg on the couch, watch tv, and eat whatever I want in silence with no one pulling on me or asking me for something.

My favorite morning is the next day when he drops them off.

I get a much needed break during the week. You can hire the babysitter or try it my way. Your choice.

Is PT preschool an option? Mine offers PT wherein your child only goes 2 or 3 days a week or alternately a few hours each day.

The problem about giving her break only through your time is that she is also probably missing time with you/as another adult and as her husband. She also may see the time with the 3 of you together in the evening as successful family time so I can see why she doesn't want that.

Please agree together to hire a babysitter for her to have some restorative time during the week (don't make it you allowing her geeez!!!) Being at home is hard and lonely and if your kid is at a tough stage please have compassion for her as an adult trying to tell you she needs a bit of a break.

Anonymous wrote:

I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it

Um. She wants to hire a babysitter. She's literally telling you how to go about it.

And he literally said he wants to help her but concerned about the cost and is asking for alternative suggestions.