Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think gay marriage has been legal long enough for there to be much useful data on divorce rates.

Check the studies cited in Wikipedia instead of spouting this nonsense just because it's convenient for you.

It's nonsense to say that marriage between same sex partners has only been legal for a few years? Ok. OP was talking about DIVORCE statistics. Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage contract. It's not the same thing as long term committed partners ending a relationship that wasn't legally recognized. I'm not knocking the value of those relationships, but the legal recognition of marriage equality was a big deal for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:Sheesh, OP. Do you also go to a young couple's wedding and say, "well, statistics say that marriages at your age have a high chance of failure, so good luck with that!" Or tell a cancer patient that their odds of surviving five years are crappy? People aren't statistics and don't like being treated as such.

Happily married couples talk about divorce rates all the time without impacting the stability of the marriage.

This wasn't a wedding. This was a lunchroom conversation. I don't see anything wrong with the topic or context. If the other person took it sensitively that is mainly due to her and not the topic.

Sheesh, OP. Do you also go to a young couple's wedding and say, "well, statistics say that marriages at your age have a high chance of failure, so good luck with that!" Or tell a cancer patient that their odds of surviving five years are crappy? People aren't statistics and don't like being treated as such.

OP, WHY would you bring this up even if you believe it? I'm sure you are on "lunch break" but these are COWORKERS. You are just opening yourself up to all kinds of problems with saying stuff like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you also discuss the divorce stats for heterosexual marriages? Or were you just focused on gay marriage? It's likely the singling out that made it an issue. Because, of course, all straight marriages have a woman, too. Definitely tone deaf.

Yes, I discussed the divorce rates for heterosexuals. I was simply emphasizing that it is usually a woman who files.
My job allows for time (like at lunch) to discuss anything. There were other people involved in the conversation. I was not telling her that she has a high chance of divorce, I was stating a fact. I also emphasized other divorce risks like early marriage and so on.
Maybe her relationship is on the rocks.

It sounds like you read that women file for divorce more frequently than men do, so you extrapolated that lesbians must divorce more because they’re all women (who must be itching to file for divorce, amirite?). Without statistical evidence to back up your claim, and that wiki link does not provide statistical evidence, claims like that sound more like bigotry than science. Maybe you’re just bad at math and not misogynistic or homophobic. I don’t know you so I can’t say, but your coworker does and she felt like you were being homophobic, and you haven’t really said anything that shows otherwise.

The Williams Institute just released a study with evidence that lesbian couples do split at significantly higher rates that gay male or straight couples. They suggest some of the reasons given by pps. OP, you can both be correct about the studies and come off as a homophobic, misogynistic jerk. On this thread it seems like you aren't willing to consider the feelings of others. If you're like this IRL that is why your coworker doesn't like you.

https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/breakup-prediction-press-release/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you also discuss the divorce stats for heterosexual marriages? Or were you just focused on gay marriage? It's likely the singling out that made it an issue. Because, of course, all straight marriages have a woman, too. Definitely tone deaf.

Yes, I discussed the divorce rates for heterosexuals. I was simply emphasizing that it is usually a woman who files.
My job allows for time (like at lunch) to discuss anything. There were other people involved in the conversation. I was not telling her that she has a high chance of divorce, I was stating a fact. I also emphasized other divorce risks like early marriage and so on.
Maybe her relationship is on the rocks.

It sounds like you read that women file for divorce more frequently than men do, so you extrapolated that lesbians must divorce more because they’re all women (who must be itching to file for divorce, amirite?). Without statistical evidence to back up your claim, and that wiki link does not provide statistical evidence, claims like that sound more like bigotry than science. Maybe you’re just bad at math and not misogynistic or homophobic. I don’t know you so I can’t say, but your coworker does and she felt like you were being homophobic, and you haven’t really said anything that shows otherwise.

To be fair, the wiki link provides all the sources at the bottom of the page. But I agree more research is likely before coming to any conclusions. Wiki should never be treated as a sole source.

I've never heard this before but if I must be honest I am not surprised.

It's simply because men are usually more tolerant of open sexuality than women, who seem to be more highly focused on defining commitment as solely between two people.

I don't have stats to throw around beyond having a gay brother and spending a lot of time surrounded by gays and lesbians. Open marriages are commonplace among gay male couples. They don't see that as hurting the stability of the marriage. Sex is strictly separate from love. Lesbians, however, are not as accepting as open marriages. Sex is more intimately associated with the emotional attachment to the other partner. And I suspect this is a big part of the divorce rate differentials.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you also discuss the divorce stats for heterosexual marriages? Or were you just focused on gay marriage? It's likely the singling out that made it an issue. Because, of course, all straight marriages have a woman, too. Definitely tone deaf.

Yes, I discussed the divorce rates for heterosexuals. I was simply emphasizing that it is usually a woman who files.
My job allows for time (like at lunch) to discuss anything. There were other people involved in the conversation. I was not telling her that she has a high chance of divorce, I was stating a fact. I also emphasized other divorce risks like early marriage and so on.
Maybe her relationship is on the rocks.

It sounds like you read that women file for divorce more frequently than men do, so you extrapolated that lesbians must divorce more because they’re all women (who must be itching to file for divorce, amirite?). Without statistical evidence to back up your claim, and that wiki link does not provide statistical evidence, claims like that sound more like bigotry than science. Maybe you’re just bad at math and not misogynistic or homophobic. I don’t know you so I can’t say, but your coworker does and she felt like you were being homophobic, and you haven’t really said anything that shows otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a "gay woman" who has been married to my wife for 15y, I would want to know where you got that stat from. Just saying, lesbian relationships are more likely to divorce because heterosexual woman are the ones to file for divorce in heterosexual marriage is a pretty long leap in rationale. It doesn't sound like statistical data, but irrational 'logic.'

I am not sure I would call you 'anti gay' as much as ignorant. If you are going to spout info as facts about my marriage, please check your sources and makes sure they are accurate/from a factual source.

Just because it makes you look bad doesn't mean it's discriminatory or made up. Your comment doesn't like like statistical data, but irrational "logic"." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_of_same-sex_couples

I am the "gay woman" quoted above. Ok. So Wiki. That one sentence "Some studies have shown that lesbian committed relationships do not last as long as gay male committed relationships."[24] links to a HuffPo blog. That links to a Williams Institute white paper published in Nov 2011 (when only 6 states allowed same sex marriage.) I don't have time to read the entire white paper, but that statistic was not quoted in any of their top findings.

I am not afraid of looking bad as much as I am afraid of people who quote random things and try to pass them off as facts.

Anonymous wrote:Someone at work slammed me for this. I read somewhere that the biggest risk of divorce is having a woman in the marriage since women file for divorce at a much lower threshold than men do. Then I gave the example that the divorce rate among gay men is much lower than for gay women. A gay woman at work got mad (she is not getting divorced). I refuse to apologize. I was just quoting stats.

Honestly, I would probably think that this co-worker had poor critical thinking skills and wouldn't want to work with her or give her any assignments that might involve the impartial use of data or statistics. You can't fix people who are offended by facts. These people are toxic for actually getting work done.

Anonymous wrote:As a "gay woman" who has been married to my wife for 15y, I would want to know where you got that stat from. Just saying, lesbian relationships are more likely to divorce because heterosexual woman are the ones to file for divorce in heterosexual marriage is a pretty long leap in rationale. It doesn't sound like statistical data, but irrational 'logic.'

I am not sure I would call you 'anti gay' as much as ignorant. If you are going to spout info as facts about my marriage, please check your sources and makes sure they are accurate/from a factual source.

+1.

OP, you sound clueless. Maybe you mean well, but you seem to be lacking in both logic and social graces.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think gay marriage has been legal long enough for there to be much useful data on divorce rates.

Check the studies cited in Wikipedia instead of spouting this nonsense just because it's convenient for you.

Anonymous wrote:The data should be easy to come by, since there's a court record for divorce filings.

That said, people don't like it when someone quotes statistics that while true, make a group look bad. For example, if you say that [insert race here] has a higher chance of X or a lower chance of Y, people will call you racist, even if the statistics show this to be true.

+ 1

Welcome to the world of identity politics, where people take offense first and check for facts later. See the above dumb poster who couldn't even check Wikipedia before getting all offended about "facts about my marriage."

I don't think gay marriage has been legal long enough for there to be much useful data on divorce rates.

Anonymous wrote:As a "gay woman" who has been married to my wife for 15y, I would want to know where you got that stat from. Just saying, lesbian relationships are more likely to divorce because heterosexual woman are the ones to file for divorce in heterosexual marriage is a pretty long leap in rationale. It doesn't sound like statistical data, but irrational 'logic.'

I am not sure I would call you 'anti gay' as much as ignorant. If you are going to spout info as facts about my marriage, please check your sources and makes sure they are accurate/from a factual source.

Just because it makes you look bad doesn't mean it's discriminatory or made up. Your comment doesn't like like statistical data, but irrational "logic"." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_of_same-sex_couples