Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How the heck does a 12 year old passing another kid "know" he needs a friend. You're making a lot of assumptions. Kid could sit outside the class for quiet (compared to lunchroom) or work or read. Kid could look like he's working outside classroom waiting for teacher to provide extra support when the teacher arrives in a few minutes. Kid could be waiting a few minutes til his friends walk by to join them on their way to lunch. Kid could be waiting o be picked up early and daily for an outside appointment (ot, etc).

You have every right to box up what is not purposefully hurting another kid and nevertheless classify it that way- but you're wrong. If I'm walking in a hall, passing someone sitting outside a class and I've got a limited lunch I'm wading towards, I'm not assuming anything about the kid outside a classroom bc the possibilities are too vast.

You are being obtuse. I've made my point and you are trying to deflect for some reason. You think your child is being kind by just not bullying a person, but they are not. They are just not being mean. It is my opinion that the kids in Wonder who were in class with Auggie and did not try to even say a friendly word were practicing avoidance. Some of them also never went up to him to be mean, but were mean to him behind his back. Seeing a child sit alone all year at lunch would be something obvious just like it was in that movie. You might be in class with that person and have the opportunity to spend some time with that person versus ignoring them and just spending time with your friends. We recently had an autistic child join our scout troop because the kids weren't friendly to that child in the other scout troop. But I guess in your world those kids and parents just had their own friends and no time for others, right? It is a basic practice of the Christian faith to help those in need, so it does not seem the least bit weird to me to have someone go out of their way to make a friendly gesture to another child they think might need a friend. I'm sorry for you that in your world you have no time for such help and it is so much work for you. You won't convince me that somehow you are still being kind, so find someone else to make your case to.

Anonymous wrote:How the heck does a 12 year old passing another kid "know" he needs a friend. You're making a lot of assumptions. Kid could sit outside the class for quiet (compared to lunchroom) or work or read. Kid could look like he's working outside classroom waiting for teacher to provide extra support when the teacher arrives in a few minutes. Kid could be waiting a few minutes til his friends walk by to join them on their way to lunch. Kid could be waiting o be picked up early and daily for an outside appointment (ot, etc).

You have every right to box up what is not purposefully hurting another kid and nevertheless classify it that way- but you're wrong. If I'm walking in a hall, passing someone sitting outside a class and I've got a limited lunch I'm wading towards, I'm not assuming anything about the kid outside a classroom bc the possibilities are too vast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes of course your kid should be f or sky to kids on a sports team or working group projects with him. We are not talking about that, though. We are talking about whether a seventh or eighth grader who sees a child sitting alone outside of the classroom eating lunch who is also, her self, rushing to get to the lunch room for her own social hour, is actually going to stop and talk to a stranger because the stranger might look sad? I just don’t see that happening nor, do I think it’s realistic to expect any of us to do that, unless you’re thinking of an adult doing that for a child (such as a teacher asking if the student is ok)

If your child is being friendly to another child who might not have many friends than likely there would have been an opportunity to invite them to eat lunch in a more organic way.

Passing a child in a hallway isn’t a scenerio to be friendly. You are reading what you want into this.

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that 8th grade DD eats lunch alone, sitting outside a classroom, every day. I'm afraid our decision to keep her at her base school, vs sending her to the AAP center is a big part of the reason. I'm hoping this helps other parents make a better choice for their kid in the future.

Background:

DD was identified for AAP in 2nd grade and offered a spot at the center. For multiple reasons we decided to stay with base school that does not have a LLIV program, but does have a pull-out program. Several of her close friends did transfer to the center.

We chose to stay at the base school due to having siblings at the base school, and DD has a late August birthday so is one of the youngest and smallest in her class. We were worried, ironically, that she would struggle more at the center, being the smallest and youngest (of her friends that went to the center, they were all 6-12 months older than her).

The base school did a good job differentiating- walk to math and pullouts for language arts. We did a lot of enrichment as a family. I don't feel that her education suffered by staying at the base school. She did okay socially at the base school- having known some of the kids since K and having a very good friend in the neighborhood- but was definitely on the periphery of the group.

The school encouraged us to send her to the AAP center for middle school, but we again chose the base school. This was in discussion with DD, but I don't think she realized that many of her friends from early elementary would be at the center. I think she thought it would be like going to an entirely new school. I now think this was a mistake.

Her elementary is a split feeder. By luck of the draw, most of her closer friends went to another middle school. She is in the honors classes in middle school and has a few friends, but has not really found a niche. Unfortunately, the two or three girls she is closest with have a different lunch period. I will say, we are less impressed with honors classes in middle school than we were with the differentiation in elementary school.

I'm hoping this gets better, as the AAP kids come back for high school, and they can take AP classes together. If not, we may consider boarding school for 10-12, to give her a chance to start over. If I had it to do over again, I would have definitely sent DD to the AAP center in middle school for both social and academic reasons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes of course your kid should be f or sky to kids on a sports team or working group projects with him. We are not talking about that, though. We are talking about whether a seventh or eighth grader who sees a child sitting alone outside of the classroom eating lunch who is also, her self, rushing to get to the lunch room for her own social hour, is actually going to stop and talk to a stranger because the stranger might look sad? I just don’t see that happening nor, do I think it’s realistic to expect any of us to do that, unless you’re thinking of an adult doing that for a child (such as a teacher asking if the student is ok)

If your child is being friendly to another child who might not have many friends than likely there would have been an opportunity to invite them to eat lunch in a more organic way.

Anonymous wrote:Np here. It seems to me there is something your DD isn't telling you. Is she being bullied? Did she have friends and now she doesn't? See if she'll open up to you or to the school counselor. I wouldn't send her to a boarding school.

Anonymous wrote:Yes of course your kid should be f or sky to kids on a sports team or working group projects with him. We are not talking about that, though. We are talking about whether a seventh or eighth grader who sees a child sitting alone outside of the classroom eating lunch who is also, her self, rushing to get to the lunch room for her own social hour, is actually going to stop and talk to a stranger because the stranger might look sad? I just don’t see that happening nor, do I think it’s realistic to expect any of us to do that, unless you’re thinking of an adult doing that for a child (such as a teacher asking if the student is ok)