First congrats on 13 years. That in itself is becoming hard to meet for many. Second, there could be several reasons someone walks away from a healthy marriage. Different addictions can create a rift, the onset of mental or physical illness, death of family members, etc. To some, these and other stressors are just to much to take, regardless of the stability of the marriage. You are correct in maintaining intimacy and time away from kids helping. Assuring each other of continued unconditional love, support can also strengthen the relationship. I hope yours does not fall prey to anything, and try not to worry yourself into constantly looking for something wrong. We can often create situations in our minds, then project them on others when it is not the truth. Continued good luck to you and your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

Disagree. NOT TONITE is a communication which is the opposite of sex.

You see, that’s just poor communication. Communication is:”Not tonight, I’m sorry but am really drained and am not feeling my best. Tomorrow?”

Not hard.

Poor communication is a form of communication. So, you should communicate to young couples that they not only need to communicate, they need to do so clearly. (I tend to dislike the term "communication" in these contexts since the term so often seems to be carrying unstated implications about understanding what your spouse is saying verbally and nonverbally and responding to him or her about your wants and needs in a way that is sensitive to your spouse. Not that these things are bad -- but having the word "communicate" carry these unstated expectations seems like a metaphor for "communication" in a marriage generally.)

Also, "communication" about sex is also, "Not tonight, I have stopped liking sex, and I'm not exactly sure why. I will waiver between thinking it's something that's changed with me and some failing on your part, but mostly I'll try not to think about it at all. When you bring it up again, it will remind me that I shouldn't have been ignoring the issue and that will make me feel bad about myself which will, in turn, make me feel unsexy and resentful of you. So, most likely we'll have sex once a month because that's the longest we can go before I have to admit we have a major problem on our hands."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

Disagree. NOT TONITE is a communication which is the opposite of sex.

You see, that’s just poor communication. Communication is:”Not tonight, I’m sorry but am really drained and am not feeling my best. Tomorrow?”

Not hard.

But your quote is far more than simply a communication. That last word there ... "Tomorrow" ... demonstrates interest. So it's not purely a matter of communication, you must also have some sincere interest. If the interest were there, I don't think the communication matters much. And without interest, we are right back to NOT TONITE.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been happily married 13 years, two kids. Obviously we have our differences at times but I’ve never wanted to divorce him, nor him me (that I know of.)

I feel that our marriage is strong and in a good place, but you still hear stories of people who were basically blindsided by their spouse leaving.

Are there things that can be done to maintain strength in a long term marriage?

For example, I would think regular sex and time alone as a couple help with this. Obviously continued mutual respect always helps. But for couples that already do these things, are there other things that could be done? What makes a person walk away from an intact happy family?

Consistent Sex is mandatory.

Also you have to do little things that make your spouse happy, little notes, suprising with new things, spend alone time together, no one else, constant reinforcement of your spouse, tell her you think of her, tell her she is beautiful and compliment her on the good things she does.

it really isn't hard or mystical, but you have to constantly communicate to your spouse how you feel about her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

Disagree. NOT TONITE is a communication which is the opposite of sex.

You see, that’s just poor communication. Communication is:”Not tonight, I’m sorry but am really drained and am not feeling my best. Tomorrow?”

Not hard.

Always think: is it truthful? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

DH and I have regular check-ins. We call it "State of the Marriage Forum". It used to be four times a year and now it's twice a year.

Because there's always stuff you're doing that's slowly driving your partner insane. It is agreed that we bring up no more than three things (anything more than that is overwhelming and feels like "so you hate me?!") and that our forum lasts no more than 90 minutes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

You think communication is a synonym for sex?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

Disagree. NOT TONITE is a communication which is the opposite of sex.

Yea, say that enough & the happy marriage part ends and affairs begin for the aggrieved spouse.

OP. We communicate AND have regular sex. That can't be all it takes though, can it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

Disagree. NOT TONITE is a communication which is the opposite of sex.

Yea, say that enough & the happy marriage part ends and affairs begin for the aggrieved spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

Disagree. NOT TONITE is a communication which is the opposite of sex.

Have things that each make you happy. Don’t expect your spouse or kids to be your ONLY source of happiness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One word: communication.

One other word: sex

Exactly, these two are synonymous.

From my personal observation, I don't care how well you communicate or how much sex you have, all of the men I know have gone through a mid-life crisis, at around 48-58 yrs old. They are disillusioned with their career, kids, & their wives. Usually a parent, friend or mentor has died or had a very serious health issue, like cancer, heart issues, etc. They feel they did not get to follow their "passion", no matter how many toys or hobbies they have or how great their career. And since their testosterone levels drop, their body no longer looks nor functions like it once did. Young women start calling them "sir" and the over 60 women flirt with them. Tough pill to swallow, especially for the alpha ones.

If the women tried to be more perfect or catered more to him or allowed for swinging/open marriage the women were mostly very unhappy. These things did not keep the marriage together. Now some of the women felt that they had enough of his bs & wanted out of the marriage, so they took this opportunity to get out.

In all of the cases where the marriage survived, the women had the money/lifestyle talk, which brought the men back to reality. (If we get divorced, you will have 50% less, not live in this house, you will need to take care of yourself, kids will hate you for dumping me for a younger model, younger model probably wants kids, so I guess you are up for infants again, younger model will be with you until the money runs out & I'm not taking you back then, you are a grown up, do what you want, but be clear, I'm not going to be sitting around waiting for you, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:The secret is to remain a loving couple when you've had kids.
Don't be just "mom" and "dad".
Find the time to go out as a couple regularly and do weekend getaways just the two of you.

THIS!!!!!!!!