Anonymous wrote:If you hate conflict, please get the hell of management. As a manger your job is to resolve conflicts and remove obstacles. Take the pay cut and free up the job. Your sensing unhappiness because you’re not a good manager. A good manager knows they are good because staff tells them so consistently.

I think OP and others have said that they are being told they are good managers - but it's killing them to be good.

If you hate conflict, please get the hell of management. As a manger your job is to resolve conflicts and remove obstacles. Take the pay cut and free up the job. Your sensing unhappiness because you’re not a good manager. A good manager knows they are good because staff tells them so consistently.

How much time have you given these new interventions (therapy and meds)? Remember that it won't get better immediately. It will take some time!

I think it's worth considering whether this isn't the right role for you, but I wouldn't rush to step down to a 14. I would definitely give some other options a try before jumping to that. Try another 15 in a different department or agency. Maybe there's something about specific dynamics in your current position causing this. It may also take some more time to get comfortable in this role (although you've been doing it for 3 years).

I agree with the PP who noted that there will always be some grumpy people. Identify whose opinion you really value and believe in, and when they complain, take it to heart and consider it as good advice. Don't feel guilty -- just use it to improve and do better next time. Then recognize that many of the others are going to complain no matter what and are not worth getting upset about. Try to brush off their complaints.

I have a different situation but am also adjusting. I'm similar to you in feeling guilty and struggling with the responsibility. It has pros and cons, but I think it's possible to be a really good supervisor if you tweak a few things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on your field, but I bet you can find a non-supervisory GS-15 outside of your agency. We have plenty of them in my office and I kind of wonder what they do all day . You can also take a down grade, I believe it will not impact your retirement.

Ugh....



Signed,
Taxpayers

Non supervisory 15s aren’t necessarily twiddling their thumbs, I’m one and we have a lot in my office (lawyers). We have like 3 SES managers for 75 attorneys so the 15s are just a way to recognize and retain experienced talent.

Right there with you, OP. Except I'm a 14 supervising 12s, 13s, and other 14s. I am getting fantastic performance appraisals and know my staff likes me, but I feel like it's only because I'm obsessively worrying about everything. I take the time to get to know them all as people, get their buyin on changes and decisions, coach them all the time. And it's exhausting. I want to be a 12 or 13 contributor and just do a great job at that level. But I'm worried taking a downgrade would look bad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not government but I completely relate to your situation. I feel the same. I have great reviews and am told I am doing a great job, however I stress about everything. I have thought about working with a therapist to explore either strengthening my confidence in my decisions and to "care less" if you will about the impacts of decisions. I read about having too much empathy where you feel the emotions of others. So, if your workers aren't happy, you're not happy etc. This is not a healthy way to live. Either I need to lessen my empathy or take a non managerial role which means less money for me. All this to say, I understand exactly how are you are feeling. I have 9 more years and wonder if I will stay on this track or choose to pursue something else.

Op here. Thanks you sound like my kindred spirit.

you are too sweet and too soft... what kind of govt manager says things like that??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not government but I completely relate to your situation. I feel the same. I have great reviews and am told I am doing a great job, however I stress about everything. I have thought about working with a therapist to explore either strengthening my confidence in my decisions and to "care less" if you will about the impacts of decisions. I read about having too much empathy where you feel the emotions of others. So, if your workers aren't happy, you're not happy etc. This is not a healthy way to live. Either I need to lessen my empathy or take a non managerial role which means less money for me. All this to say, I understand exactly how are you are feeling. I have 9 more years and wonder if I will stay on this track or choose to pursue something else.

Op here. Thanks you sound like my kindred spirit.

Take this from a senior (technical/non-managerial) worker bee: your staff want you to be happy. They need you to be happy. They don't realize the effect their complaints have on you (probably because they don't have the same level of empathy). So don't only focus on their complaints but keep in mind none of them want their bosses to worry to the point they're seeking therapy.

Anonymous wrote:Depending on your field, but I bet you can find a non-supervisory GS-15 outside of your agency. We have plenty of them in my office and I kind of wonder what they do all day . You can also take a down grade, I believe it will not impact your retirement.

Ugh....



Signed,
Taxpayers

Anonymous wrote:I'm not government but I completely relate to your situation. I feel the same. I have great reviews and am told I am doing a great job, however I stress about everything. I have thought about working with a therapist to explore either strengthening my confidence in my decisions and to "care less" if you will about the impacts of decisions. I read about having too much empathy where you feel the emotions of others. So, if your workers aren't happy, you're not happy etc. This is not a healthy way to live. Either I need to lessen my empathy or take a non managerial role which means less money for me. All this to say, I understand exactly how are you are feeling. I have 9 more years and wonder if I will stay on this track or choose to pursue something else.

Op here. Thanks you sound like my kindred spirit.