Anonymous
02/26/2018 15:06
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
Anonymous wrote:I hope you're joking. I have a horrible relationship with my mil, and I wouldn't do it. Suck up your distaste for crap cake, slap on a smile and roll with it.
+1 this. Be a better person.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 15:06
Subject: Re:MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
I am with you OP> I have always hosted MIL and in laws and am done. They always complained and never reciprocated. So, now it's at a restaurant.
Most of the negative responses you've received sound like the same person.
Most of the negative responses you've received sound like the same person.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 15:03
Subject: Re:MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. I'm really surprised by the responses, but this is very educational.
Does it make any difference if my husband and I have never been hosted by SIL and BIL in our 15 years of marriage? They have stayed at our house repeatedly wherever we lived, and they've never opened up their homes to us. We've also hosted the entire family all together a couple of times in the past before we had kids. I am feeling tired of being the default hostess.
OP, I’ve suggested this before, and I’ll ask again: Why can’t the rest of the family stay at a hotel so you’re only hosting MIL and FIL at your home?
Anonymous
02/26/2018 15:01
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
And a yoga retreat is never an acceptable excuse to anyone who isn’t a yogi. . .
Anonymous
02/26/2018 15:00
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
DCUM is rarely this uniform in reply, so that should tell you something.
NON-blood relative?! Wow!
If you really want to maintain a certain standard, you can use the money that you'd save by not flying down south to hire cleaning and catering services.
There seems to be some complicated relationship grudges that you hold against your ILs, but this is a really bizarre way of dealing with it.
NON-blood relative?! Wow!
If you really want to maintain a certain standard, you can use the money that you'd save by not flying down south to hire cleaning and catering services.
There seems to be some complicated relationship grudges that you hold against your ILs, but this is a really bizarre way of dealing with it.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:59
Subject: Re:MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
OP again.
Geez. I'm really regretting posting on DCUM because now there is no way I can go on this retreat without feeling like a jerk. Damn.
Good point, PP, about it not being about my BIL and SIL.... My MIL is very kind and thoughtful. I realize that I am resentful of BIL and SIL never stepping up to host. And thanks to another PP who said that this is not the time to make a stand about hosting. All good points.
Geez. I'm really regretting posting on DCUM because now there is no way I can go on this retreat without feeling like a jerk. Damn.
Good point, PP, about it not being about my BIL and SIL.... My MIL is very kind and thoughtful. I realize that I am resentful of BIL and SIL never stepping up to host. And thanks to another PP who said that this is not the time to make a stand about hosting. All good points.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:59
Subject: Re:MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. I'm really surprised by the responses, but this is very educational.
Does it make any difference if my husband and I have never been hosted by SIL and BIL in our 15 years of marriage? They have stayed at our house repeatedly wherever we lived, and they've never opened up their homes to us. We've also hosted the entire family all together a couple of times in the past before we had kids. I am feeling tired of being the default hostess.
You have been married 15 years and are the mother of her only grandchildren and you are this awful about your MIL? Wow. You must be hell to live with. Do you keep a little score book? Who cares about your sibling in laws - some people are hoarders or filthy or incapable of hosting. They like your house the best. I also SAH and would be happy to put in the extra effort because a I Can!
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:54
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
New poster and I don't really mind if my birthday is half-assed. Pizza and crab on paper plates sounds yummy and easy. Some families don't make a big deal of birthdays; I know our family doesn't. I would just be happy to have family around on my big day.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:51
Subject: Re:MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
No, you can't got to the retreat and no it doesn't matter that ILs haven't hosted you.
I get what you are saying about feeling the need to step in when everyone does it half-assed. To avoid that, can you organize catering and tell everyone what they owe, and get DH to pick up? Doesn't have to be fancy catering.
I get what you are saying about feeling the need to step in when everyone does it half-assed. To avoid that, can you organize catering and tell everyone what they owe, and get DH to pick up? Doesn't have to be fancy catering.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:50
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
Your MIL's birthday is not the time to make a stand on hosting. Do you always create drama where there is none? Everyone else is happy with paper plates and pizza, so you have to flounce off in a tiff? Insufferable.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:49
Subject: Re:MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. I'm really surprised by the responses, but this is very educational.
Does it make any difference if my husband and I have never been hosted by SIL and BIL in our 15 years of marriage? They have stayed at our house repeatedly wherever we lived, and they've never opened up their homes to us. We've also hosted the entire family all together a couple of times in the past before we had kids. I am feeling tired of being the default hostess.
No. This isn't about your BIL and SIL, it's about your MIL.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:44
Subject: Re:MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
OP here. Wow. I'm really surprised by the responses, but this is very educational.
Does it make any difference if my husband and I have never been hosted by SIL and BIL in our 15 years of marriage? They have stayed at our house repeatedly wherever we lived, and they've never opened up their homes to us. We've also hosted the entire family all together a couple of times in the past before we had kids. I am feeling tired of being the default hostess.
Does it make any difference if my husband and I have never been hosted by SIL and BIL in our 15 years of marriage? They have stayed at our house repeatedly wherever we lived, and they've never opened up their homes to us. We've also hosted the entire family all together a couple of times in the past before we had kids. I am feeling tired of being the default hostess.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:42
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
This “problem” sounds entirely self-imposed. Really, you can’t stand pizza on paper plates at your house when it seems like MIL just wants to spend time with her grandkids? Although it would be lovely to have it out at a nice restaurant, I bet no one really cares besides you.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:41
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
Yes, it would be extraordinarily rude. Much worse than letting your in-laws and husband do the pizza, cake, and paper plate thing. Better they do that and you shush about it than if you just left.
Anonymous
02/26/2018 14:40
Subject: MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?
I hope you're joking. I have a horrible relationship with my mil, and I wouldn't do it. Suck up your distaste for crap cake, slap on a smile and roll with it.