Anonymous wrote:I dont believe it's true you can't change people. Sure, not for big things, but yes for little things.
However the other partner has to have enough respect for the other one to actually change

2 examples from my marriage.

1. I used to leave water bottles on the table instead of putting them in the sink. Or on the counter to be refilled. Sometimes I'd eveen leave a dish. Pet peeve of DH. He asked me to stop and I made the effort you stop.

2. DH used to leave his clothes on his side of the floor instead of in the hamper. Pet peeve of mine. Asked him to stop (plus a couple reminders) and he doesn't do it anymore.

If he's not willing to put the minimal effort into cleaning up after making a sandwich, he doesn't have much respect for you

Correct. and Don't blame adhd here, this is simple, basic stuff. don't raise your kids this way either.

I dont believe it's true you can't change people. Sure, not for big things, but yes for little things.
However the other partner has to have enough respect for the other one to actually change

2 examples from my marriage.

1. I used to leave water bottles on the table instead of putting them in the sink. Or on the counter to be refilled. Sometimes I'd eveen leave a dish. Pet peeve of DH. He asked me to stop and I made the effort you stop.

2. DH used to leave his clothes on his side of the floor instead of in the hamper. Pet peeve of mine. Asked him to stop (plus a couple reminders) and he doesn't do it anymore.

If he's not willing to put the minimal effort into cleaning up after making a sandwich, he doesn't have much respect for you

Anonymous wrote:You can’t change other people, but other people who love you will make changes to make you happy. My husband doesn’t care if shoes are worn in the house, still-clean clothes are left on the table instead of hung up again, etc., but he knows I do and he’s trained himself to do things the way I want them because it makes me happy. He mentioned once that he hates taking the trash to the curb so I took over that job. I’ve always thought this was the plus of living with a spouse instead of a roommate: your happiness is so important to them that they’ll do inconvenient things they don’t think matters because they’re important to you.

That’s true but to go with it you have to recognize where/how often he’s doing this so you don’t just continue to ask for more and so you remember to reciprocate (reciprocation probably isn’t OPs issue unless DH is hoping she’ll join the game playing)

You can’t change other people, but other people who love you will make changes to make you happy. My husband doesn’t care if shoes are worn in the house, still-clean clothes are left on the table instead of hung up again, etc., but he knows I do and he’s trained himself to do things the way I want them because it makes me happy. He mentioned once that he hates taking the trash to the curb so I took over that job. I’ve always thought this was the plus of living with a spouse instead of a roommate: your happiness is so important to them that they’ll do inconvenient things they don’t think matters because they’re important to you.

I disagree that you can't change other people. You absolutely can if you have good people skills.