Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:41     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Background: I grew up in DC. Met DH when he was living in LA and I was in San Diego. His family all lived in NOVA. Got married in San Diego because my parents and I lived there and my job at the time was too demanding to plan a wedding anywhere else. My mom actually did a lot of the legwork.

We've been married nine years, and I just found out that DH's siblings are still offended that I chose to have the wedding where I lived. They still consider it a destination wedding and apparently the family believes I was rude for holding one and inviting them. They have't stopped talking about it for nine years.

I can't lie - I'm hurt. It bothered me at the time, but I just couldn't figure out how to plan a wedding out in NOVA. I don't even have my side of the family there anymore. Are they overreacting? Am I?


OP, where is your husband in all this? Your explanation of the wedding makes it sound like you got married solo. Presumably he was also there. And, you don't mention if they are also mad at him, or what he thinks about this. With no additional information, it seems likely that, as with many supposed in-law problems, this is actually a spouse problem. If he is not standing up for your marriage and saying "WE decided to get married in CA because WE lived there" and "You need to stop insulting Larla, I won't listen to that" then he is the issue, not them.


Welllllll....I suppose the posters who pointed out it's a military issue are right, because they aren't angry with him. They're angry with the SoCal girl who never let him go home. I guess I needed that reality check.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:16     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH needs to shut this down. Couples get married where they live.


Their argument is that DH did not actually live in LA or San Diego (he was in the military and had been in LA less than two years when we married). Did I accidentally hold a destination wedding? I'm so humiliated at the idea.


So what if you did? It's still an invitation, not a summons, and they could have declined. You get to have your wedding wherever you and your groom want! And HE said yes to it, so if there is any "blame," they need to be pissed at him too!
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:12     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:They're mad he never came home. He's the missing face at all the family events. But he's their son/brother, so instead they're projecting it on you.

Marrying a girl who lived on the West Coast just cemented the fact he was never coming back, and that's what they're upset about.


I bet it's something like this behind it all.

Completely forgetting that perhaps he joined the military in part because he didn't want to stay in the same place as his family.

This has nothing to do with you personally, and everything to do with them.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:12     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:Background: I grew up in DC. Met DH when he was living in LA and I was in San Diego. His family all lived in NOVA. Got married in San Diego because my parents and I lived there and my job at the time was too demanding to plan a wedding anywhere else. My mom actually did a lot of the legwork.

We've been married nine years, and I just found out that DH's siblings are still offended that I chose to have the wedding where I lived. They still consider it a destination wedding and apparently the family believes I was rude for holding one and inviting them. They have't stopped talking about it for nine years.

I can't lie - I'm hurt. It bothered me at the time, but I just couldn't figure out how to plan a wedding out in NOVA. I don't even have my side of the family there anymore. Are they overreacting? Am I?


OP, where is your husband in all this? Your explanation of the wedding makes it sound like you got married solo. Presumably he was also there. And, you don't mention if they are also mad at him, or what he thinks about this. With no additional information, it seems likely that, as with many supposed in-law problems, this is actually a spouse problem. If he is not standing up for your marriage and saying "WE decided to get married in CA because WE lived there" and "You need to stop insulting Larla, I won't listen to that" then he is the issue, not them.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:12     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH needs to shut this down. Couples get married where they live.


Their argument is that DH did not actually live in LA or San Diego (he was in the military and had been in LA less than two years when we married). Did I accidentally hold a destination wedding? I'm so humiliated at the idea.


Aha! Now we know the truth. They hated that the military sent him so far away, but thought he'd come back home after he'd served. Instead, he married a girl in SoCal, cementing the fact that he was never coming back.


Yep.

This.

Tale as old as time in military circles.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:09     Subject: Re:DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Your reasons for having a wedding in a particular place don't really matter. You and your family threw a party, and you included your husband's family. Having bitterness about anything nearly ten years later is nuts. To me this smacks of needing to control and guilt other people, which is not a healthy way to manage relationships.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:08     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH needs to shut this down. Couples get married where they live.


Their argument is that DH did not actually live in LA or San Diego (he was in the military and had been in LA less than two years when we married). Did I accidentally hold a destination wedding? I'm so humiliated at the idea.


You did not have a destination wedding. A destination wedding is one where the couple picks a location other than where they currently live or where they grew up for some other reason and everyone has to travel there. You chose to have the wedding where you were currently living, and the fact that some people had to travel for the wedding does not make it a destination wedding.

+1

My husband and I lived in DC. I got married in my hometown on the West Coast. My extended family lives in or near that town; my husband's family is mostly on the East Coast. It was not a destination wedding. A destination wedding means *everyone* has to travel to attend, including the bride and groom. Either person's hometown or either person's current city of residence are not destination weddings.

Also, last I checked, two people got married. If your husband was fine with the wedding being in CA, then your in-laws are way out of line for blaming you for the location.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:07     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
They're mad he never came home. He's the missing face at all the family events. But he's their son/brother, so instead they're projecting it on you.

Marrying a girl who lived on the West Coast just cemented the fact he was never coming back, and that's what they're upset about.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:06     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Did they pay for the wedding? (I still don't think they're right, I just wondered.)
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:04     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:DH needs to shut this down. Couples get married where they live.


+1

They're a little nuts. People move, people marry people from different places.

People also get weird about weddings, births, etc and take meaning from actions that they shouldn't--that's what your ILs seem to be doing.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:03     Subject: Re:DH's family still bitter about our wedding
If they didn't get their knickers in a twist over this it would be something else. Some people are just miserable and there is nothing you can do about that. Laugh it off and don't think about it any more.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:03     Subject: Re:DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Eff them. Seriously. Unless they are contributing financially to your wedding than I do not understand the audacity or entitlement of ANYONE dictating where your wedding "should" be. (FWIW I'm currently dealing with a similar issue.)
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 14:00     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:Background: I grew up in DC. Met DH when he was living in LA and I was in San Diego. His family all lived in NOVA. Got married in San Diego because my parents and I lived there and my job at the time was too demanding to plan a wedding anywhere else. My mom actually did a lot of the legwork.

We've been married nine years, and I just found out that DH's siblings are still offended that I chose to have the wedding where I lived. They still consider it a destination wedding and apparently the family believes I was rude for holding one and inviting them. They have't stopped talking about it for nine years.

I can't lie - I'm hurt. It bothered me at the time, but I just couldn't figure out how to plan a wedding out in NOVA. I don't even have my side of the family there anymore. Are they overreacting? Am I?

So people are mad because you got married where u lived? They have to be dumb as as rocks.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 13:54     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH needs to shut this down. Couples get married where they live.


Their argument is that DH did not actually live in LA or San Diego (he was in the military and had been in LA less than two years when we married). Did I accidentally hold a destination wedding? I'm so humiliated at the idea.


no
destination wedding meant that bride and groom travel somewhere, in addition to all other guests
there will always be people who need to travel to attend a wedding.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2018 13:35     Subject: DH's family still bitter about our wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH needs to shut this down. Couples get married where they live.


Their argument is that DH did not actually live in LA or San Diego (he was in the military and had been in LA less than two years when we married). Did I accidentally hold a destination wedding? I'm so humiliated at the idea.


But you lived there, yes? Then no, that's not a destination wedding.


Agree. I got married an 8 hour plane ride away from my family but it's where DH and I lived at the time (as did DHs family). No one in my family accused me of having a "destination wedding" because it wasn't.