Your husband is the problem. He needs a father figure, one that is present and available. This is a case of where your wealth at the expense of a father has become a noose around his neck.

OP-- can you and DH do some couples therapy? I mean, like NOW. Your son is suffering and your marriage is suffering and I suspect the causes are the same.

You need to escalate this with DH asap before your have a rock-bottom, possibly self-injurious child on your hands.

Leave your husband.

I’m sorry, OP. I know how hard this is. Except for gender and diabetes, I could have written that post. People with typical kids don’t understand. I tried getting help when she was 6 and the therapist thought her behavior was in the normal range. 11 years and 3 therapists later, two agree on ODD (though I’m “lucky” and it’s mostly directed at me)She’s been oppositional her whole life. She’d rather fight for two hours than just listen to me/do what I ask and then get her way so even positive rewards aren’t normally effective. It’s so stressful and difficult, it’s given me my own health problems. I recently asked that they test for ADHD too and second that I think it’s worth investigating. There are some good books too- search The Explosive Child on Amazon and browse the other recommendations too. I know how hard this is. It’s not you and you’re not alone.

Send him tp diabetes camp this summer. There is one a few hours from DC.

C's get degrees!

I have a very head strong daughter who seems to sometimes LOOK for reasons to butt heads.

The last few months have been very hard. Very. She is completely irrational at times. Perversely, what I find usually has the best effect is to give her MORE responsibility. She has some babysitting jobs that she (generally) takes very seriously. It gives her money, some autonomy, and responsibility. Can your son find some odd jobs around the neighborhood? Pet sitting? Shoveling snow?

Anonymous wrote:I think your son needs someone to reason with him.

Meaning?

I think your son needs someone to reason with him.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the bigger problem, frankly, is your husband. Why is he so happy to dump this on you, and to walk away from his responsibility to his son? And why are you giving him a pass on that?

Is it because his "intense job" is keeping up your lifestyle, including this expensive private school your son attends?

I understand your point , I’ve talked to him repeatedly. It’s not going to change. I’d be happy with less stress and less money.

OP, I think the bigger problem, frankly, is your husband. Why is he so happy to dump this on you, and to walk away from his responsibility to his son? And why are you giving him a pass on that?

Is it because his "intense job" is keeping up your lifestyle, including this expensive private school your son attends?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am really struggling with my son. He’s always been a handful and we have done everything. He’s 14 and I just can’t imagine 4 plus more years like this. Every day I dread our interactions, his volatility, etc. my husband is never home due to an intense job and when here has no energy to deal with it. I’m on my own. My other child is nothing like this. Please do not tell me it’s parenting. I’m doing my best, I read a ton, get professional advice etc. I just don’t know how more I can take. He’s in a private school , a good one, but getting mostly Cs , he’s not putting the effort in, but I am so tired of battling. I’m afraid if we pull him, he will go off the rails. He likes his school. He also has medicine he needs daily that when he’s “amped up” he refuses. It’s pretty much a must do or he could get very sick or even die. I’m a wreck.

Does he have ADHD? He sounds like my son.

Yes but refuses medication

Ugh. I’m sorry. Concerta made a world of difference for my son. Not perfect, but manageable. I’m assuming he won’t do therapy either?

OP, I hear you. My DD is that age and she tests my patience. I am in constant turmoil wondering if I’m doing the right or wrong thing based on how I react and what my expectations are.

One thing that has helped is therapy for ME. It has helped to talk through my anxieties, fears and expectations. Good luck OP!

Anonymous wrote:Has he considered the Omnipod? There is no tubing, you can hide it beneath your clothes, and you use a device like a clunky smartphone to wirelessly deliver boluses, etc. This is what my 15 year old daughter uses. If his blood sugars are out of control, he probably feels horrible all of the time, and it is affecting his grades, moods, and ability to do schoolwork.

Thanks! I hear ya— We have bribed, etc he refuses. It’s frustrating as I agree with you!!

Has he considered the Omnipod? There is no tubing, you can hide it beneath your clothes, and you use a device like a clunky smartphone to wirelessly deliver boluses, etc. This is what my 15 year old daughter uses. If his blood sugars are out of control, he probably feels horrible all of the time, and it is affecting his grades, moods, and ability to do schoolwork.