Get therapy for and by yourself. It's one of the only things you can do to give her even the beginning of the thought that any changes you make might stick- because you're seeing a professional, not just making promises. If you could've done it on your own and without help you would have. No shame in that, but seek help. No matter what happens with your estranged wife, it'll be good for you in the long run.

Try therapy, but it sounds like she’s done with you. That’s very painful, but you need to figure out how to get on with your life.

Is there a chance she might have been unhappy and this was just a good reason to leave?

Because if you're solid, you should be able to work through this, or at least go to counseling together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ get a grip. Pump iron , grow some scruff on your face, drink whisky , smoke a cig ar, use a nice cologne , incall 2 hookers.

Then survey your world with a new perspective.

Damn fine advice.

Agree. Great advice. Really.

Anonymous wrote:^^ get a grip. Pump iron , grow some scruff on your face, drink whisky , smoke a cig ar, use a nice cologne , incall 2 hookers.

Then survey your world with a new perspective.

Damn fine advice.

Anonymous wrote:^^ get a grip. Pump iron , grow some scruff on your face, drink whisky , smoke a cig ar, use a nice cologne , incall 2 hookers.

Then survey your world with a new perspective.

I like you.

^^ get a grip. Pump iron , grow some scruff on your face, drink whisky , smoke a cig ar, use a nice cologne , incall 2 hookers.

Then survey your world with a new perspective.

Be a man.

Hoo boy. I was married to a guy like this. Here's the other sure of the coin.

For 15 years I tried to reassure my husband of my love for him. He constantly accused me of cheating, of not loving him enough, of being unhappy with his looks, his weight.... He texted me 20 times in an hour, full of accusations about where I was, who I was talking to. I'm a doctor, m busy during the day and when I would get home at the end of the day I had to recount my every move and account for my time.

I begged him to go to couples counseling. My days and nights were consumed with his insecurity. I told him I couldn't live like this, that I needed him to work on the marriage. He refused because in his mind it was my job to make him feel secure.

I finally had enough and left. I thought I would feel terrible but I never felt so free in my life.

My guess is that she's emotionally detached now. There isn't anything you can magically do or say, but if you keep texting her and trying to make a comeback, it's not going to work. She's going to see you as weak, and she's highly suspicious that you'll repeat behaviors. You have so much going on right now... it sounds to me like you go through this bad behavior-shame cycle. It's probably predictable to her. Time to break the cycle and see what happens. You have to show her, not tell her. And by showing her that you accept her choice not to be with you, and you begin to develop life away from her, she'll have enough distance and time -- she will be watching you. She'll start to learn that you've become a happy person. She'll see that you've matured, have become secure and confident, and if you get the opportunity at some point to spend time with her, ease in ... don't barrel ahead recklessly and ruin it. Make her want you. And when she does, show her that you choose her because you love and want her, not because you want to control her.

You have a lot of work to do on yourself, but do it for you, not for her. Do it because you want a fulfilling life. Stop feeling shame about what you've done. You didn't choose this for yourself. You have problems and you can fix them. Everyone does! Even your wife.

Anonymous wrote:This really made me feel so sorry for you. As someone with BPD (and PTSD from a childhood trauma), I have? trust issues, but? because I realize the cause and so does my husband, we work together on it to make me feel more secure in our marriage. He loves me, so he doesn't mind helping me feel secure. To him, it's worth it. Your wife needs to realize that it could be so much worse. You could cheat, be abusive, financially destructive, etc. She needs? to give you a chance. She's letting go too easily. Marriage is through the good and the bad. There are reasons for divorce, but this is not one of them. I hope that she comes around, OP, and that your marriage survives. Good luck and hugs to you.

She doesn't need to do anything. She is probably terrified that op's verbal accusations would escalate.

Op, leave her alone and work on your issues.

Anonymous wrote:This really made me feel so sorry for you. As someone with BPD (and PTSD from a childhood trauma), I have? trust issues, but? because I realize the cause and so does my husband, we work together on it to make me feel more secure in our marriage. He loves me, so he doesn't mind helping me feel secure. To him, it's worth it. Your wife needs to realize that it could be so much worse. You could cheat, be abusive, financially destructive, etc. She needs? to give you a chance. She's letting go too easily. Marriage is through the good and the bad. There are reasons for divorce, but this is not one of them. I hope that she comes around, OP, and that your marriage survives. Good luck and hugs to you.

Sounds like you have insight and perhaps treatment.

Does the Op? Did the OP?

Sounds so much like she’s cheating and gaslighting you. BTDT. You’ll move on in at least two years. Eventually you’ll realize all these criticisms of you were lies.

Norma good relationships don’t make a partner feel the other partner is cheating. She gave you her vibe. Trust your gut. She’s likely banging a co worker. Can you check her phone text and call History still? I’ll bet you will be vindicated.

Don't worry OP, she's well cared for --- very well.

This really made me feel so sorry for you. As someone with BPD (and PTSD from a childhood trauma), I have? trust issues, but? because I realize the cause and so does my husband, we work together on it to make me feel more secure in our marriage. He loves me, so he doesn't mind helping me feel secure. To him, it's worth it. Your wife needs to realize that it could be so much worse. You could cheat, be abusive, financially destructive, etc. She needs? to give you a chance. She's letting go too easily. Marriage is through the good and the bad. There are reasons for divorce, but this is not one of them. I hope that she comes around, OP, and that your marriage survives. Good luck and hugs to you.