Anonymous wrote:We didn't argue. I decided that I felt like there was more out there for me, we were best friends, but more like friends with benefits, so I left. We're still best friends (without the benefits), and I've been happily remarried for almost 8 years. My husband now suits me perfectly.

This, except we aren't best friends. I wouldn't probable be friends with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.

Do you know what lead him to cheat?

It could have been the worst in me but it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter. Cheating is for cowards. We have young kids whose lives have been destroyed. Let me preface this by saying that despite the cheating, I wanted to counseling and to fix things. He was the one who wanted out. So while your question may seem innocuous, I resent the implication that it takes two people to cheat. Yes, two people can lead to a breakdown in marriage but there is no excuse for chronic cheating.

I wasn't suggesting it was your fault. I was asking if you understand what motivated him to?

She doesn’t want to admit to rejecting him sexually for months. But hey you know that’s no excuse for cheating, he should have remained celibate, you know because it was his cheating that has ruined the kids lives, her frigidity and their dead marriage had nothing to do with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.

Do you know what lead him to cheat?

It could have been the worst in me but it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter. Cheating is for cowards. We have young kids whose lives have been destroyed. Let me preface this by saying that despite the cheating, I wanted to counseling and to fix things. He was the one who wanted out. So while your question may seem innocuous, I resent the implication that it takes two people to cheat. Yes, two people can lead to a breakdown in marriage but there is no excuse for chronic cheating.

I wasn't suggesting it was your fault. I was asking if you understand what motivated him to?

Sex, money, family, and indifference

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.

This. And financially abusive. I picked wrong.

She wanted to spend all the money and he wouldn't let her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.

Do you know what lead him to cheat?

It could have been the worst in me but it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter. Cheating is for cowards. We have young kids whose lives have been destroyed. Let me preface this by saying that despite the cheating, I wanted to counseling and to fix things. He was the one who wanted out. So while your question may seem innocuous, I resent the implication that it takes two people to cheat. Yes, two people can lead to a breakdown in marriage but there is no excuse for chronic cheating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been on my mind a lot lately. DH’s job changed dramatically in the last year. He now works so many hours and travels so frequently that I have to SAH as my salary wouldn’t pay for the amount of childcare we would need. His salary alone isn’t enough to pay for help for me. So, I SAH and am exhausted and resentful. It is really hard to take care of 3 kids (one with severe SN) without a break. DH refuses to look for another job. His pays less than 100k. Divorcing wouldn’t help the financial situation, so I haven’t brought it up. But the resentment is growing and it’s driving a wedge.

So you resent (1) taking care of your kids (2) not having to work and staying home (3) your husbands job. Got it!

I resent that I essentially feel like a single parent who lives paycheck to paycheck. I literally get no break and my husband is having nice hotel stays and going out for fancy dinners all the time. My mom was a single parent, but had the reprieve of family help all weekend and for several weeks during the summer. I love my kids and being able to SAH, but no one wants to work 24/7 without a break, no matter how much they like their job. With all the work travel, I feel a lot of space growing between DH and I. I hate it.

Anonymous wrote:It’s been on my mind a lot lately. DH’s job changed dramatically in the last year. He now works so many hours and travels so frequently that I have to SAH as my salary wouldn’t pay for the amount of childcare we would need. His salary alone isn’t enough to pay for help for me. So, I SAH and am exhausted and resentful. It is really hard to take care of 3 kids (one with severe SN) without a break. DH refuses to look for another job. His pays less than 100k. Divorcing wouldn’t help the financial situation, so I haven’t brought it up. But the resentment is growing and it’s driving a wedge.

So you resent (1) taking care of your kids (2) not having to work and staying home (3) your husbands job. Got it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.

This. And financially abusive. I picked wrong.

"financially abusive" what is that?

My ex and I divorced because we were going to kill each other if we stayed together. It was a very unhealthy dynamic and we couldn't stop.

My current husband and his ex divorced because she focused on her career to the exclusion of focusing on her family.

My DH is depressed; grossly overweight; has lost touch with all his friends and never wants to do anything except sit home, read on his iPad and drink. He is not doing well career wise due to all these issues. He's seeing a therapist and is supposedly on meds but I don't see it helping. I work, handle most of the household work, maintain friendships (which I need; he doesn't care about). I asked him if we could go for a walk together yesterday or a drive. He blew about how I'm always on his case. Sex life is dismal. Just keeping it together for the kids and financial reasons but not sure I can hang in there for 6 more years.

It’s been on my mind a lot lately. DH’s job changed dramatically in the last year. He now works so many hours and travels so frequently that I have to SAH as my salary wouldn’t pay for the amount of childcare we would need. His salary alone isn’t enough to pay for help for me. So, I SAH and am exhausted and resentful. It is really hard to take care of 3 kids (one with severe SN) without a break. DH refuses to look for another job. His pays less than 100k. Divorcing wouldn’t help the financial situation, so I haven’t brought it up. But the resentment is growing and it’s driving a wedge.

Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.

This. And financially abusive. I picked wrong.

We didn't argue. I decided that I felt like there was more out there for me, we were best friends, but more like friends with benefits, so I left. We're still best friends (without the benefits), and I've been happily remarried for almost 8 years. My husband now suits me perfectly.

It wasn't really an issue of arguments about a specific topic. It was how frequently we argued about things that were really unimportant, and how condescending he was during those arguments.