Anonymous wrote:OP, no one else here has any real life experience so let me tell you first: he did that because he is an ass. It isn’t about you. Dump him, get child support and turn your life around so a decent man will fall in love with you.

+10000 Save yourself some time, tears, and headaches. BTDT

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way! First off, I want to tell you are not a loser. You are a beautiful and valuable woman! You are going through a tough time, but that does not define you. You are not a loser. PPD is a very hard thing to deal with and it has a huge impact physically, emotionally, and mentally. You just had a baby and your body is going through so many changes and some of us have a harder time excepting we may never have the body we once did. Believe me when I say your body is still beautiful, just in a different way now. It did a pretty miraculous thing by growing a baby and housing it for 9 months. Take pride in the body that did that! That's not an easy feat for any woman!
I'm sorry that your boyfriend treated you the way he did. If he loves you it's not ok for him to be looking at other women. That's incredibly disrespectful to you! I'm also sorry that he added to how bad you were feeling about yourself by telling you to get a boob job. In those moments, you needed compassion and reassurance that you were loved and he was still attracted to you, and unfortunately he did not affirm you the way you needed. He should be understanding too of how you are feeling and all that your body went through. Has he affirmed you in the past? If so, was it always about your body or did he affirm your mind, abilities, and your character as well? Men who really love us affirm all of us, not just our bodies! If the most important thing to him is your body, or looking at other women's bodies, then you may want to reconsider your relationship, to be honest! You deserve someone who is going to love you for you and all you have to offer! You deserve to have someone who will affirm you when you are feeling your weakest, not add to it! I know it's tough. I wish you the best!

Is your boyfriend black?

Anonymous wrote:I like 10:36/12:51's advice.

“Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.”
? Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

Beautiful, thank you!

I like 10:36/12:51's advice.

“Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.”
? Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree that you need to treat your postpartum depression and work on becoming comfortable with your body in this state. It took me about a year to "get my body back" fully after my first child was born, and it took more effort than I had to invest before. I understand why you were upset about the Facebook girl issue. To you, his admiration of someone who looks much different than you is confirmation of all your current body insecurity. The thoughts that you are having, however, are likely not grounded in reality. It sounds like your boyfriend realized that you were having a bad time and was choosing not to engage. That's actually a sound strategy because there was no way for him to win this situation. You asked a loaded question. He agreed with you because he thought that's what you wanted. You basically set him up to fail your tests and you know you did this and are now upset.

You can break this cycle, but it starts by getting help for yourself, apologizing for your crappy treatment of him last night, and moving forward.

And PPs who are suggesting that you are stupid for not getting married before having a baby - I say this with all the love in my heart - get bent. Y'all are uptight and rude and not helping a woman who is struggling. You should be ashamed.

Thank you for actually giving me advice and not making me feel worse ??

No problem.

Here is an example of how to have conversations about these issues with your BF without trapping him.

You: "BF, I feel like my breasts are a lot different since Baby was born. I don't like the way they look."
BF (if he is a good guy): "I'm sorry you're having a hard time, sweetie. I think you're a beautiful woman!"
You: "I'm seriously considering getting a boob job. That's how big a deal this is for me!"
BF (if he is a good guy): "That seems kind of extreme for your situation, but if it would make you feel better, I bet you would rock a boob job."

As a general rule, it's never a good idea to trap a man in a conversation about your looks because there's literally nothing that he can say that will not feel crappy for you. If he agrees that your boobs are droopy and gross, you'll be upset. If he disagrees, you'll assume he's lying to you. There's no win there for either of you. What you can do is tell him how you are feeling and ask him for help with your feelings.

For what it's worth, if you are planning on having any more kids, I would not consider breast surgery, and I definitely wouldn't consider it at 5 months postpartum because your body likely hasn't adjusted from pregnancy yet. I would not want to add recovery from major surgery to my life routine at that point, particularly not if I was struggling with depression. Maybe instead of going straight to a surgical thing, you could get sized for some cute bras instead?

Hang in there.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree that you need to treat your postpartum depression and work on becoming comfortable with your body in this state. It took me about a year to "get my body back" fully after my first child was born, and it took more effort than I had to invest before. I understand why you were upset about the Facebook girl issue. To you, his admiration of someone who looks much different than you is confirmation of all your current body insecurity. The thoughts that you are having, however, are likely not grounded in reality. It sounds like your boyfriend realized that you were having a bad time and was choosing not to engage. That's actually a sound strategy because there was no way for him to win this situation. You asked a loaded question. He agreed with you because he thought that's what you wanted. You basically set him up to fail your tests and you know you did this and are now upset.

You can break this cycle, but it starts by getting help for yourself, apologizing for your crappy treatment of him last night, and moving forward.

And PPs who are suggesting that you are stupid for not getting married before having a baby - I say this with all the love in my heart - get bent. Y'all are uptight and rude and not helping a woman who is struggling. You should be ashamed.

Thank you for actually giving me advice and not making me feel worse ??

Anonymous wrote:Don't ask leading questions about your body or looks if you won't like the answer.

+1000

Don't ask leading questions about your body or looks if you won't like the answer.

Anonymous wrote:You both sound like you're uneducated, immature children yourselves with no business having a kid. Get sterilized.

+1
Forget the creeps, concentrate on your job and child.

OP, I agree that you need to treat your postpartum depression and work on becoming comfortable with your body in this state. It took me about a year to "get my body back" fully after my first child was born, and it took more effort than I had to invest before. I understand why you were upset about the Facebook girl issue. To you, his admiration of someone who looks much different than you is confirmation of all your current body insecurity. The thoughts that you are having, however, are likely not grounded in reality. It sounds like your boyfriend realized that you were having a bad time and was choosing not to engage. That's actually a sound strategy because there was no way for him to win this situation. You asked a loaded question. He agreed with you because he thought that's what you wanted. You basically set him up to fail your tests and you know you did this and are now upset.

You can break this cycle, but it starts by getting help for yourself, apologizing for your crappy treatment of him last night, and moving forward.

And PPs who are suggesting that you are stupid for not getting married before having a baby - I say this with all the love in my heart - get bent. Y'all are uptight and rude and not helping a woman who is struggling. You should be ashamed.

You both sound like you're uneducated, immature children yourselves with no business having a kid. Get sterilized.

First get treated for your PPD.

Troll.

I feel so bad for your kid. You both suck.