Sounds like your husband has self esteem problems. Curious to know what kind of upbringing he had?

On a side note, what's your relationship like? Does he feel you're ungrateful? Do you ever compliment each other?
"That dinner was great, thanks hon. I know it took a lot of time to prep and bake. Do you want to help me wash the dishes or put the kids to bed?"

Op.

I am not a troll.

I 100% agree that I should lose weight and am trying to cut out bread and exercise more.

We've done counseling and it feels great when we are doing it (he expresses feelings and listens to me) but the second the session is over, he goes back.

I can't be sure that his friends have actually said that -- he says that they said that but I have caught him in other lies where he just says something to make me feel bad and he admitted it.

This just doesn't seem bad enough to leave him over because we have two kids (6 and 8). I wish it was but he is a partner in a lot of things.

He had a great childhood and family. He was raised very wealthy but still middle class in LA so he had all private schools, fantastic vacations, great memories and his parents doted on him (and still do).


I just wish I could figure out why he treats me this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, everyone loves my husband -- he cooks, cleans, helps out with the kids, has a stable job, doesn't drink or cheat. He always says that I look fine even though I gained weight.

But after 10 years, I realized that I don't like him.

He constantly makes side comments of how he could do better than me, how he does more than me (I also cook/clean/kids and work), and makes me look bad in front of other people. I wear glasses so I'm "blind" or I went back to work so now he is "doing both the house and the job". It works, too. He has had multiple friends say that he should leave me, and he loves flaunting that to me, and then boasting that he's being loyal and would never leave. But I want him to leave!

I don't know how to explain it but it's almost like I'm here just to make him look good and blame me. I feel so small and unworthy (which lead to a lot of the weight gain)

That doesn't sound fantastic at all.

very odd.

is he OCD? Are you ADD?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, everyone loves my husband -- he cooks, cleans, helps out with the kids, has a stable job, doesn't drink or cheat. He always says that I look fine even though I gained weight.

But after 10 years, I realized that I don't like him.

He constantly makes side comments of how he could do better than me, how he does more than me (I also cook/clean/kids and work), and makes me look bad in front of other people. I wear glasses so I'm "blind" or I went back to work so now he is "doing both the house and the job". It works, too. He has had multiple friends say that he should leave me, and he loves flaunting that to me, and then boasting that he's being loyal and would never leave. But I want him to leave!

I don't know how to explain it but it's almost like I'm here just to make him look good and blame me. I feel so small and unworthy (which lead to a lot of the weight gain)

So you have everything in a man a woman could want, it yet it’s not enough. You want more.

Typical American female. Just divorce him already, ride the cock carousel a few years and let him live without having such awful feelings for the best thing to ever happen to you.

I guess you conveniently glazed over where he constantly puts her down? But really? What can we expect from someone who uses phrases such as "cock carousel?"

Valentine's Day has all the incel and red-pilled guys worked into a tizzy.

Ha! It really does, I've noticed this too. How sad

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, everyone loves my husband -- he cooks, cleans, helps out with the kids, has a stable job, doesn't drink or cheat. He always says that I look fine even though I gained weight.

But after 10 years, I realized that I don't like him.

He constantly makes side comments of how he could do better than me, how he does more than me (I also cook/clean/kids and work), and makes me look bad in front of other people. I wear glasses so I'm "blind" or I went back to work so now he is "doing both the house and the job". It works, too. He has had multiple friends say that he should leave me, and he loves flaunting that to me, and then boasting that he's being loyal and would never leave. But I want him to leave!

I don't know how to explain it but it's almost like I'm here just to make him look good and blame me. I feel so small and unworthy (which lead to a lot of the weight gain)

That doesn't sound fantastic at all.

Yeah; this

It sounds like you have low self esteem and need to get that in check. Your dh doesn't sound that bad. Step up your game! So you're both working and he's doing all the cooking and cleaning? Why can't you pull your 50%?

I think if you make it really, really clear to him that this is mean an disrespectful, he might be able to change.

I know a guy who is very smart, rich, etc., and he tends to do this to people. I don't even think he realizes it, but his go-to move it belittling and put-downs. I think sometimes he thinks he is being funny. Like he's a radio shock-jock or something. When he is with women who don't have good self-esteem, it is much worse. I've seen him with women that do have good self-esteem and who put him in his place, and it seems to get much better. I think if you stand up for yourself and tell him it's unacceptable and makes you feel like crap, he might be able to change.

Anonymous wrote:As a former wife of a guy who put me down in some of those same ways, I wish instead of leaving him for good I had asked him to move out until he can decide whether he loved me or not. That kind of treatment can change if he wakes up to what he is doing. Counseling didn't work for me, standing up to him would have.

For a while it would have and then he would have started doing it again.

As a former wife of a guy who put me down in some of those same ways, I wish instead of leaving him for good I had asked him to move out until he can decide whether he loved me or not. That kind of treatment can change if he wakes up to what he is doing. Counseling didn't work for me, standing up to him would have.

Anonymous wrote:So, everyone loves my husband -- he cooks, cleans, helps out with the kids, has a stable job, doesn't drink or cheat. He always says that I look fine even though I gained weight.

But after 10 years, I realized that I don't like him.

He constantly makes side comments of how he could do better than me, how he does more than me (I also cook/clean/kids and work), and makes me look bad in front of other people. I wear glasses so I'm "blind" or I went back to work so now he is "doing both the house and the job". It works, too. He has had multiple friends say that he should leave me, and he loves flaunting that to me, and then boasting that he's being loyal and would never leave. But I want him to leave!

I don't know how to explain it but it's almost like I'm here just to make him look good and blame me. I feel so small and unworthy (which lead to a lot of the weight gain)

Yep it’s always someone else fault.

Anonymous wrote:Leave him. He's emotionally abusive.

I don't know if OP is a troll or what, but why would anyone stay with that. He's not good in any sense, but an abuser. OP if your spouse has a so called friend that tells you to divorce the other spouse that isn't a friend. Why is he hanging around people that are not good for your marriage?
Also, this isn't someone you want to stay with. I would be getting my ducks in a row to leave. Forget him leaving, YOU leave when all falls into place.

immediate PP here. I also have a husband who participates equally in stuff and has a stable job and tells me I look good. that doesn't make him a 'fantastic' husband. What makes him a fantastic husband is that he loves me, cares for me and doesn't put me down ever. He might criticize some things I do, but he respects me. It doesn't sound like your husband does.

so, what he is doing is subtly undermining you. By constantly bringing up how he could leave and then claiming he's so loyal so he wouldn't do that, he is at once making you feel insecure, asking for praise for his loyalty and, notably, not saying "I wouldn't leave you because I love you/am lucky." Its a manipulative form of denigration and criticism. I also hear some 'asks' for praise and validation about his participation in the household/marriage that leads me to ask you whether you express appreciation for this aspect of him and whether that is also behind his behavior.


You need to call him on it and ask him what is behind it: is the only thing keeping him from leaving that he is "loyal" and that he is not otherwise emotionally fulfilled? is he happy/u happy? what would he like to change? What would you like to change? You guys need to get at the deeper issues, since it seems you both use commentary and issues like childcare or appearance to get at deeper problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, everyone loves my husband -- he cooks, cleans, helps out with the kids, has a stable job, doesn't drink or cheat. He always says that I look fine even though I gained weight.

But after 10 years, I realized that I don't like him.

He constantly makes side comments of how he could do better than me, how he does more than me (I also cook/clean/kids and work), and makes me look bad in front of other people. I wear glasses so I'm "blind" or I went back to work so now he is "doing both the house and the job". It works, too. He has had multiple friends say that he should leave me, and he loves flaunting that to me, and then boasting that he's being loyal and would never leave. But I want him to leave!

I don't know how to explain it but it's almost like I'm here just to make him look good and blame me. I feel so small and unworthy (which lead to a lot of the weight gain)

So you have everything in a man a woman could want, it yet it’s not enough. You want more.

Typical American female. Just divorce him already, ride the cock carousel a few years and let him live without having such awful feelings for the best thing to ever happen to you.

I guess you conveniently glazed over where he constantly puts her down? But really? What can we expect from someone who uses phrases such as "cock carousel?"

Valentine's Day has all the incel and red-pilled guys worked into a tizzy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, everyone loves my husband -- he cooks, cleans, helps out with the kids, has a stable job, doesn't drink or cheat. He always says that I look fine even though I gained weight.

But after 10 years, I realized that I don't like him.

He constantly makes side comments of how he could do better than me, how he does more than me (I also cook/clean/kids and work), and makes me look bad in front of other people. I wear glasses so I'm "blind" or I went back to work so now he is "doing both the house and the job". It works, too. He has had multiple friends say that he should leave me, and he loves flaunting that to me, and then boasting that he's being loyal and would never leave. But I want him to leave!

I don't know how to explain it but it's almost like I'm here just to make him look good and blame me. I feel so small and unworthy (which lead to a lot of the weight gain)

So you have everything in a man a woman could want, it yet it’s not enough. You want more.

Typical American female. Just divorce him already, ride the cock carousel a few years and let him live without having such awful feelings for the best thing to ever happen to you.

I guess you conveniently glazed over where he constantly puts her down? But really? What can we expect from someone who uses phrases such as "cock carousel?"