Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:48     Subject: Re:Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
People matter. Time is running out for your mil.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:42     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
I don't think 6 months earlier will really make a difference in the broad scheme of things. If your wife wanted to change her plans then I think that would be totally reasonable. Unless the exam you have coming up is truly brutal I'd consider it.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:40     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
YOU are the ones who will have to raise the child, NOT MIL. Ignore her.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:38     Subject: Re:Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG.....give MIL a baby if you can. What are we talking about....1 or 2 years.
I know a few people who have been in this position...got pregnant and had a child before grandmother passed away.
What greater gift? What greater joy for Grandma, your beautiful child and YOU.
You will NEVER regret it.
Go for it.
Wishing you all the best.


You go first.


I did....but MIL died when I was 4 mos pregnant. We had a girl and named her after her Grandmother. No regrets.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:36     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:You're talking about a 9 month differential in trying... Nothing can change that much in 9 months. And your physical won't be effected by her being pregnant.

It's not crazy for a dying woman with a married daughter planning to ttc in 6 months to try to rush things a bit to see a grandchild. Jesus dcum is cold.


Oh and btw I'm not saying to have a baby FOR your mill but you're already planning you ttc in September, that is what I don't get about this.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:34     Subject: Re:Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
You do it on your time line and God's, not someone else's.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:29     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
You're talking about a 9 month differential in trying... Nothing can change that much in 9 months. And your physical won't be effected by her being pregnant.

It's not crazy for a dying woman with a married daughter planning to ttc in 6 months to try to rush things a bit to see a grandchild. Jesus dcum is cold.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 21:16     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have been married for less than a year. Prior to marriage we had agreed to wait at least 1 year before beginning to try and conceive. I'm in the middle of an examination/evaluation period with my job to obtain licensure and I wanted to be finished with that before children. I'll finish that up (assuming I pass) right around the 1 year mark. We also agreed to square away a few things with the house and finances. That means our plan was to start TTC by fall/winter 2018. She is 26 so she has plenty of time before any age related worries.

The problem: She never told her mother our schedule. Apparently her mother has been periodically grilling her about why hasn't she gotten pregnant yet as a normal course of business. Starting last week; however, her mom really started putting the pressure on. Then on the weekend it comes out that her mother who had been in remission from cancer after completing chemo therapy 5 years ago was told last week that the cancer has come back. So she has upped the pressure because she wants a grandchild before she dies.

How would you handle this?

My initial thought is that making a baby in order to meet her mothers timeline might not be a good idea because the baby will still here after her mother dies so we better be really sure we are ready to have a baby.


Jesus, her mother is a selfish ass***. No way should you bring another human into this world until you're good and ready. Also, now that the old had is gonna croak, you don't want your wife pregnant and upset about her mom's impending doom, affecting her pregnancy and baby. The sooner she croaks the better. She sounds horrible.


DCUM has hit a new low.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:51     Subject: Re:Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:OMG.....give MIL a baby if you can. What are we talking about....1 or 2 years.
I know a few people who have been in this position...got pregnant and had a child before grandmother passed away.
What greater gift? What greater joy for Grandma, your beautiful child and YOU.
You will NEVER regret it.
Go for it.
Wishing you all the best.


You go first.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:49     Subject: Re:Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
OMG.....give MIL a baby if you can. What are we talking about....1 or 2 years.
I know a few people who have been in this position...got pregnant and had a child before grandmother passed away.
What greater gift? What greater joy for Grandma, your beautiful child and YOU.
You will NEVER regret it.
Go for it.
Wishing you all the best.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:47     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’d start trying. You never know how long it will take you.

I also don’t think your mil is being selfish if she didn’t know you had a predetermined timeframe.


Um, repeat pressure on a life choice is a no go.
.

Have some sympathy. It’s not far fetched for a parent to be excited about becoming a grandparent and encouraging that along. And then layer on top of that cancer.

Plus, op gave no indication that they asked her to back off or in any way told her they were planning on waiting.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:40     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:I’d start trying. You never know how long it will take you.

I also don’t think your mil is being selfish if she didn’t know you had a predetermined timeframe.


Um, repeat pressure on a life choice is a no go.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:39     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’d start trying. You never know how long it will take you.

I also don’t think your mil is being selfish if she didn’t know you had a predetermined timeframe.


But 26? No one has kids at 26 these days, that’s really young.


Plenty of people do, just not in your tiny tiny circle of like-minded individuals. I had my first in grad school, at 25, and I wasn't the only one.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:37     Subject: Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
Anonymous wrote:I’d start trying. You never know how long it will take you.

I also don’t think your mil is being selfish if she didn’t know you had a predetermined timeframe.


But 26? No one has kids at 26 these days, that’s really young.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:37     Subject: Re:Mother in law pushing for grandchild before death
What kind of cancer is it? They’re not all deadly, even if they come back.