Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:46     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, if/when you divorce, BEFORE you sign anything take the proposed settlement offer to a financial advisor. I took a course at work recently where someone said that they often see women who are divorced, but only post settlement, and that it would be better if they could see them pre-settlement to advise them about how much a 401k dollar is worth compared a dollar in the home. They are different.


Not OP but great advice, thanks for this suggestion. If there is someone you would recommend in NoVa I have listening ears.


I don't have any recommendations, but I was at work, so it was one of the advisors with the work Credit Union. If you have access, even a free advisor would be better than nothing - just to get an opinion on whether its fair. Granted, they won't know if you're entitled to 50% or 60% or whatever the LAW is, but they can tell you if what you are getting is the right split based on your goals for the settlement. Basically, they can help you go in eyes wide open.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 20:40     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Expect to split all marital assets and debts 50/50. Sounds like he has high income and you have zero income. Expect to split custody of your kids and you will get child support and probably some rehabilitative alimony while you re enter the workforce. Expect to soon get a full time job. Your alimony will only be short term, you will need to earn a living and support your self and 50% of kids.



We pushed our relationships to the brink lately so I found out my options. As primary caregiver for their entire lives, I would get primary custody. How much time I gave would be up to me, within reason. I'd get 50% of our assets, maintenance for 6 years and a large chunk of money. Instead of me paying for all of college I would only have to pay half. My assets were all protected coming into marriage, his were not. Thankfully counseling is working, it seems, but good luck OP.


Sneaky, Sneaky.


Smart.


Yes, theft is smart.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 19:26     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you hearing this stuff about having to only cover 1/2 of college? Once the kids are 18, no one is legally required to pay for them to go to college, unless you've both agreed to do so in the form of a divorce decree. A judge isn't going to make someone do that.

A friend of mine has one son in his last year of college and a daughter in her final year of high school. They paid for their sons tuition, but last summer her DH decided to leave her for his 25 year old coworker, who has small children. DH is refusing to pay another penny for either child for school, and legally she can't force it. She's tried.

Granted, both kids loathe their father now, but that anger doesn't help them pay the tuition bills.


This. Neither parent has any obligation to pay for college after the kids are 18. You can get this entered into the separation agreement, though, and I did. XDH only agreed to pay about $10k a year, however, and that was after a lot of arm twisting from me and guilt after he made DD cry by telling her she’d have to leave her USNWR top 5 school where she was a junior. We had some 529 savings and my mom and I made up the rest, which was substantial. DD still barely has anything to do with XDH.


So was your ex involved beforehand as in 50:50 split of custody or could see them every other weekend etc ?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 19:00     Subject: Re:If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:sounds like marriage and children is being used as a scam by these people to extract money for men.


Maybe some. But many women want to leave an abusive or cheating bastard and are wondering how to make ends meet while supporting the kids, and after sacrificing their careers to raise said kids.

But you know that, dear, blinkered, Men’s Rights fanatic.

My XDH is making a bunch off my 401(k). Then he tried to go after my inheritance but the courts always say “no way” to that. He had to be content with skimping on child support (the teen kid chose to live with me) and forcing me (by refusing himself) to pay most of DCs’ college tuition, despite earning almost the same salary I earn. The greedy users come in male, too.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 18:01     Subject: Re:If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
sounds like marriage and children is being used as a scam by these people to extract money for men.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 17:43     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Expect to split all marital assets and debts 50/50. Sounds like he has high income and you have zero income. Expect to split custody of your kids and you will get child support and probably some rehabilitative alimony while you re enter the workforce. Expect to soon get a full time job. Your alimony will only be short term, you will need to earn a living and support your self and 50% of kids.



We pushed our relationships to the brink lately so I found out my options. As primary caregiver for their entire lives, I would get primary custody. How much time I gave would be up to me, within reason. I'd get 50% of our assets, maintenance for 6 years and a large chunk of money. Instead of me paying for all of college I would only have to pay half. My assets were all protected coming into marriage, his were not. Thankfully counseling is working, it seems, but good luck OP.


Sneaky, Sneaky.


Smart.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 17:40     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you hearing this stuff about having to only cover 1/2 of college? Once the kids are 18, no one is legally required to pay for them to go to college, unless you've both agreed to do so in the form of a divorce decree. A judge isn't going to make someone do that.

A friend of mine has one son in his last year of college and a daughter in her final year of high school. They paid for their sons tuition, but last summer her DH decided to leave her for his 25 year old coworker, who has small children. DH is refusing to pay another penny for either child for school, and legally she can't force it. She's tried.

Granted, both kids loathe their father now, but that anger doesn't help them pay the tuition bills.


This. Neither parent has any obligation to pay for college after the kids are 18. You can get this entered into the separation agreement, though, and I did. XDH only agreed to pay about $10k a year, however, and that was after a lot of arm twisting from me and guilt after he made DD cry by telling her she’d have to leave her USNWR top 5 school where she was a junior. We had some 529 savings and my mom and I made up the rest, which was substantial. DD still barely has anything to do with XDH.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2018 17:33     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM with a high HHI. Some of our savings is tied into long term incentive plans at work


The typical rule is half of the assets accumulated after he marriage. For example, you don't have a claim on his 401k balance before you got married.


This is correct. If you were married for 5 years but he has been working for 15 years and contributing to his 401(k) all that time, you only get the 5 years of contributions and returns. His first 10 years of contributions, plus all the returns on them, are subtracted off. You get 1/3 of his traditional pension, if he had one of those, although bear in mind that if he keeps working at the same job and getting that same pension, the denominator (number of years he worked there) is going to increase and your share is going to decrease.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2018 22:34     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Expect to split all marital assets and debts 50/50. Sounds like he has high income and you have zero income. Expect to split custody of your kids and you will get child support and probably some rehabilitative alimony while you re enter the workforce. Expect to soon get a full time job. Your alimony will only be short term, you will need to earn a living and support your self and 50% of kids.



We pushed our relationships to the brink lately so I found out my options. As primary caregiver for their entire lives, I would get primary custody. How much time I gave would be up to me, within reason. I'd get 50% of our assets, maintenance for 6 years and a large chunk of money. Instead of me paying for all of college I would only have to pay half. My assets were all protected coming into marriage, his were not. Thankfully counseling is working, it seems, but good luck OP.


Sneaky, Sneaky.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2018 16:35     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
OP, where are you hearing this stuff about having to only cover 1/2 of college? Once the kids are 18, no one is legally required to pay for them to go to college, unless you've both agreed to do so in the form of a divorce decree. A judge isn't going to make someone do that.

A friend of mine has one son in his last year of college and a daughter in her final year of high school. They paid for their sons tuition, but last summer her DH decided to leave her for his 25 year old coworker, who has small children. DH is refusing to pay another penny for either child for school, and legally she can't force it. She's tried.

Granted, both kids loathe their father now, but that anger doesn't help them pay the tuition bills.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2018 15:03     Subject: Re:If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
I friend of mine's wife sounds like the OP. She figured she'd get all the money, all the kids, and no husband. She got half the assets but also got just half time with the kids (who hate her because she is the one who filed for divorce). Three years after the divorce she is running out of money, has no job, and no health insurance.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2018 10:46     Subject: Re:If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
I’m that PP. you don’t know other people’s situations. Let’s pretend that my spouse travels 30% of the year and has for the duration of our marriage- a frequently absent parent is a parent who can’t even be there TO provide primary childcare.

If you don’t like this try sticking around and raising your own kids- then you won’t need to worry about it. Otherwise focus on money and then dont act surprised when you dont have your kids OR half of your money.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2018 10:40     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Expect to split all marital assets and debts 50/50. Sounds like he has high income and you have zero income. Expect to split custody of your kids and you will get child support and probably some rehabilitative alimony while you re enter the workforce. Expect to soon get a full time job. Your alimony will only be short term, you will need to earn a living and support your self and 50% of kids.



We pushed our relationships to the brink lately so I found out my options. As primary caregiver for their entire lives, I would get primary custody. How much time I gave would be up to me, within reason. I'd get 50% of our assets, maintenance for 6 years and a large chunk of money. Instead of me paying for all of college I would only have to pay half. My assets were all protected coming into marriage, his were not. Thankfully counseling is working, it seems, but good luck OP.


Your claim of “primary caregiver” is nonsense. Unless your spose does not want 50% custody or is an unfit parent, courts would not give primary custody to one parent. What makes you so unemployable that you need 6 years of maintenance before support yourself?


I don’t know where you live, but I got primary custody. And we shared caregiving to a certain extent. There’s a difference between joint legal and shared custody. I can’t make all decisions alone, but hell if I were to make my kids shuttle back and forth on some crazy schedule. Every other weekend and every other week n summer for us. Split holidays. This is the most reasonable. They are only young for so long. Don’t need to feel unsettled their whole childhood.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2018 10:36     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM with a high HHI. Some of our savings is tied into long term incentive plans at work


The typical rule is half of the assets accumulated after he marriage. For example, you don't have a claim on his 401k balance before you got married.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2018 10:21     Subject: If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Expect to split all marital assets and debts 50/50. Sounds like he has high income and you have zero income. Expect to split custody of your kids and you will get child support and probably some rehabilitative alimony while you re enter the workforce. Expect to soon get a full time job. Your alimony will only be short term, you will need to earn a living and support your self and 50% of kids.



We pushed our relationships to the brink lately so I found out my options. As primary caregiver for their entire lives, I would get primary custody. How much time I gave would be up to me, within reason. I'd get 50% of our assets, maintenance for 6 years and a large chunk of money. Instead of me paying for all of college I would only have to pay half. My assets were all protected coming into marriage, his were not. Thankfully counseling is working, it seems, but good luck OP.


Your claim of “primary caregiver” is nonsense. Unless your spose does not want 50% custody or is an unfit parent, courts would not give primary custody to one parent. What makes you so unemployable that you need 6 years of maintenance before support yourself?




I thought everyone on here constantly beats it into SAHM head that leaving the workforce makes them unemployable or underemployable- it appears the courts agree.

If you don’t like any of this don’t ask a high Earning woman to put her career on hold to raise your kids and it won’t be an issue.