Anonymous wrote:Why are you still calling him your husband if your divorce has already been finalized?

In context her word choice makes grammatical sense.

Anonymous wrote:relevant article from The Onion

Researchers Find Decline In Facebook Use Could Be Directly Linked To Desire To Be Happy, Fully Functioning Person
https://www.theonion.com/researchers-find-decline-in-facebook-use-could-be-direc-1822674919

i've cut back my Facebook visits to about once/week. I definitely have noticed an uptick in my happiness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love it when smug marrieds get a slap of reality. Loooooove it! Especially the ones that act like they have all the answers when it comes to love, like the rest of us are stupid or something.

I have one colleague who was young and newly married for a couple years after a shotgun wedding that was the result of her unplanned pregnancy. She was on FB saying how they had "real love" and how apparently other couples didn't know what real love is. Because you know, they were the first couple on earth to ever have "real love" and I guess everyone else is clueless.

OP it sucks, happens to the best of us. Hope you learn from this slice of humble pie. Bragging is never attractive, only makes the bragger look insecure IMHO.

You sound bitter.

No, she/he sounds RIGHT! Sing on!

OP here. Oh the story is 100% true, unfortunately!

I found out about the affair in November 2015 when he left an email open on his computer. It's all so cliche, it's pathetic.

I'm sure many people use Facebook for different reasons. For me, it was a way to keep in touch with family, who all live in another part of the country. I initially set up the account after having my first child (we have 2) as a way to post pictures, updates, and stories for family (both sides, mine and the in laws).

Was I bragging with the post? Probably, I admit. I can tell you that at the time I posted it, I was just intending to share with family that my husband made a really thoughtful, surprise gesture before heading out on a work trip to somewhere warm and sunny while I was going to be home alone with 2 kids in the middle of winter, lol.

My intention with sharing this story here on DCUM was just to sort of confirm what we all know to be true about FB.... that all is not as it seems. The same is true with most blogs, reality shows, and pretty much all other types of social media. In my case, my Facebook posts weren't intentionally trying to convey a rosy life to conceal the darker reality underneath... I couldn't have been more surprised about my ex's affair than if I had woken up in the morning with my head sewn to the carpet.

the Facebook memory feature has been a blessing and a curse. People who have been through infidelity know the gas lighting, trickle truth, and blame shifting that occurs in the aftermath of discovery (also very textbook). Sometimes the Facebook memories help ground me in reality, as pictures and videos are "evidence" of how things were, and not his strange revisionist version of our history.

Other times, like yesterday, the memories help me fill in the details of the timeline of the affair. It's really bittersweet... even though I've been to years of therapy, finalized the divorce, and have moved on, it's just surreal how little things like this can pop up years later and force you to revise your own version of events. Months I thought were "safe" memories of Before the Affair are suddenly snatched away. There is no way to get closure or resolution for these little hurts, it's just part of the journey.

I had a friend whose husband was always bringing her flowers. The pictures would go up on Facebook every time. Awhile later she called me in a panic and said they were getting divorced and he was abusive. I had no clue and never knew to check on her because all seemed rosy from Facebook.

What is the motivation for posting this stuff, if it’s not bragging?

I've taken FB off my phone because it was a huge time waster. I've two observations:

1. I don't miss it at all
2. This debate is silly.

I think this is perhaps not a true story but a parable for this time of year. And I like parables. Very effective. Happy Valentine's Day, but take it easy on the showboating type lesson.

Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand the need for FB in ordinary lives at all. What are you advertising and why?

It's not advertising, it's sharing a little bit of life with friends. It's like a little conversation. I like keeping up with my friends and seeing what's going on in their lives. I'm not looking for a running commentary, but if they share something every now and then, it keeps me connected to them and what's going on.

Anonymous wrote:I love it when smug marrieds get a slap of reality. Loooooove it! Especially the ones that act like they have all the answers when it comes to love, like the rest of us are stupid or something.

I have one colleague who was young and newly married for a couple years after a shotgun wedding that was the result of her unplanned pregnancy. She was on FB saying how they had "real love" and how apparently other couples didn't know what real love is. Because you know, they were the first couple on earth to ever have "real love" and I guess everyone else is clueless.

OP it sucks, happens to the best of us. Hope you learn from this slice of humble pie. Bragging is never attractive, only makes the bragger look insecure IMHO.

Schadenfreude is just as unattractive as bragging. Both are ugly and really two sides of the same coin.

I just don't understand the need for FB in ordinary lives at all. What are you advertising and why?

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's right to make OP feel worse about what happened. At the time, she was obviously feeling loved and cared for, and wanted to share it with her friends, and was then devastated by what happened afterward?. Watch when you gloat about someone else's misfortune.

+1

Yikes....

I think Facebook needs to get rid of that darn feature.

Perhaps those memories can be very hurtful for some.

Don’t they know that not every memory needs to be rekindled??!

Anonymous wrote:How’d you find out?

Yeah. How did youje sounds like a terrible ass. Sorry about that. You shouldn’t feel shame. People make a commitment. Some can’t kept it. You don’t realize it at first. We’re greedy by nature. Humans eh

How’d you find out?

Ugh that’s awful OP

Brings up broader issue that social media is the fastest way to feel depressed. Everyone posts their highlight reel... always doing fun things, going on the best vacations, posting photos of kids that are always well behaved (and looking at the camera, lol).