Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know he is not cheating but I am wondering if I am in the wrong wanting to know that he traveled with a female companion for 4 days.

It’s a strange omission.

I remember being at home with a special needs toddler and a baby and struggling mightily and then learning that DH had been having regular leisurely lunches with a female colleague during work hours.,He also was going to the gym during the workday and didn’t mention that either. It’s not that he was cheating on me it was that his life was still like it was in grad school while my life was completely exhausting and overwhelming and he left out those details on purpose so that he could continue to relax while I was dying - I never got a break in those 12 hours (special needs toddler never slept, crying, diapers, ...) . Yes I was mad. The omissions were dishonest and selfish - he was enjoying his life like that so he wasn’t going to share those details with me and possibly mess that up.

He did come around to also giving me some breaks before he went to work. He also stopped going to lunches only with that one gal by herself because frankly that made our marriage look bad and it was too intimate with just that gal - as he diversified his friend group he made some really good lifelong friends so that was good.

Your DH is leaving out details because he doesn’t want to negotiate things with you and that’s probavly not good. Just work on getting him to share details with you?

Your situation is very similar to mine. He was in such a comfortable position doing his own thing, not having to explain anything, but these things will always come out.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I didn't realize my spouse had a "work wife" until he confessed it two years into the job. He never mentioned her until then.

Anonymous wrote:As a woman in sales, I'm slightly offended at how you assume sales = cheating. At the end of the day, cheating is about your character. Yes, it's likely true that you'll be at wine dinners with colleagues and prospects of the opposite sex more so than some other professions, but how you handle those situations is about you and your commitment to your partner. I have a friend who is in healthcare and has cheated on every partner (3 now). I'm in sales, have been with my husband for almost 12 years and have never cheated and will never cheat.

Stop using a man or woman's career track as an excuse for their cheating behavior. Face it, you pick bad people but they pick totally normal careers.

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I know he is not cheating but I am wondering if I am in the wrong wanting to know that he traveled with a female companion for 4 days

It does matter to you - if you know it - plus you've escalated the omission to "secretive" behavior. Plus you are now having them have dinners together. OP, I'd say you are building a case, that your husband is doing the wrong thing. I imagine you pick-at-him and that you watch and wait for him to say the wrong thing. He's probably tired of it. Doesn't mean he's cheating.

Anonymous wrote:How much have you ever talked about the details of his work? If he tells a lot of work related stories or anecdotes about his travel and has never said the word 'we' then I think -male or female coworkers aside- that's weird as hell.

OP here. I know he is not cheating but I am wondering if I am in the wrong wanting to know that he traveled with a female companion for 4 days

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem wasn’t that her dh wasn’t equally miserable. The problem was that he was extending the work day not by working, but by enjoying his alone time at the gym. You know damn well he didn’t walk in the door and say, “Honey, I got to de-stress at the gym in the middle of the day and it made me feel better. I’m going to do the same for you. I’ll take over the kids for a bit. Go do whatever you want for an hour.” He kept his gym time a secret so she wouldn’t resent it because she didn’t have the same opportunity. PP explained what the issue was very well. Don’t be deliberately obtuse.

It's not his fault she has poor time-management and child-management skills.

Anonymous wrote:The problem wasn’t that her dh wasn’t equally miserable. The problem was that he was extending the work day not by working, but by enjoying his alone time at the gym. You know damn well he didn’t walk in the door and say, “Honey, I got to de-stress at the gym in the middle of the day and it made me feel better. I’m going to do the same for you. I’ll take over the kids for a bit. Go do whatever you want for an hour.” He kept his gym time a secret so she wouldn’t resent it because she didn’t have the same opportunity. PP explained what the issue was very well. Don’t be deliberately obtuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know he is not cheating but I am wondering if I am in the wrong wanting to know that he traveled with a female companion for 4 days.

It’s a strange omission.

I remember being at home with a special needs toddler and a baby and struggling mightily and then learning that DH had been having regular leisurely lunches with a female colleague during work hours.,He also was going to the gym during the workday and didn’t mention that either. It’s not that he was cheating on me it was that his life was still like it was in grad school while my life was completely exhausting and overwhelming and he left out those details on purpose so that he could continue to relax while I was dying - I never got a break in those 12 hours (special needs toddler never slept, crying, diapers, ...) . Yes I was mad. The omissions were dishonest and selfish - he was enjoying his life like that so he wasn’t going to share those details with me and possibly mess that up.

He did come around to also giving me some breaks before he went to work. He also stopped going to lunches only with that one gal by herself because frankly that made our marriage look bad and it was too intimate with just that gal - as he diversified his friend group he made some really good lifelong friends so that was good.

Your DH is leaving out details because he doesn’t want to negotiate things with you and that’s probavly not good. Just work on getting him to share details with you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know he is not cheating but I am wondering if I am in the wrong wanting to know that he traveled with a female companion for 4 days.

It’s a strange omission.

I remember being at home with a special needs toddler and a baby and struggling mightily and then learning that DH had been having regular leisurely lunches with a female colleague during work hours.,He also was going to the gym during the workday and didn’t mention that either. It’s not that he was cheating on me it was that his life was still like it was in grad school while my life was completely exhausting and overwhelming and he left out those details on purpose so that he could continue to relax while I was dying - I never got a break in those 12 hours (special needs toddler never slept, crying, diapers, ...) . Yes I was mad. The omissions were dishonest and selfish - he was enjoying his life like that so he wasn’t going to share those details with me and possibly mess that up.

He did come around to also giving me some breaks before he went to work. He also stopped going to lunches only with that one gal by herself because frankly that made our marriage look bad and it was too intimate with just that gal - as he diversified his friend group he made some really good lifelong friends so that was good.

Your DH is leaving out details because he doesn’t want to negotiate things with you and that’s probavly not good. Just work on getting him to share details with you?

So your DH isn't allowed to eat lunch or go to the gym on his lunch break because you were a SAHM? That makes no sense. The logic of women on DH astounds me--"If I'm miserable at 'work' then he has to be too!" Psychos.