Anonymous
Post 02/01/2018 07:34     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Anonymous wrote:How much would this bother you? Without my knowledge my DH invited his stepmother to move in and be our "au pair." I don't think she'd take him up on it, but still ... It bugs me in large part because DH already leaves me to be the default parent, and now it seems like he just wants ANOTHER female in the house to do his work for him. Not to mention the fact that I am the one who has to do all the hosting work when she visits, so it's not like it's actually less work for me. (I mean, she's helpful, but I have to do all the planning, shopping, scheduling etc etc.) DH also disappears for long stretches of time when she visits and expects me to entertain her.



Sounds like a great idea. It’s not like you are getting a sister wife.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2018 07:05     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Anonymous wrote:That’s called a nanny at best. An au pair is not some American relative who moves in with you and making it sound European doesn’t make it any fancier.


Exactly. Did your Dh's father marry a young 20 something from another country? Do you plan to pay her $195/week? And require her to complete 6 credits of education?
Why do so many people think that Au Pair is the same as a nanny?
mmmb
Post 02/01/2018 04:41     Subject: Re:DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
I'd let him know what I thought about the situation. And also suggest that before he makes decisions he might want to discuss things with you first. Take care!
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2018 00:22     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much would this bother you? Without my knowledge my DH invited his stepmother to move in and be our "au pair." I don't think she'd take him up on it, but still ... It bugs me in large part because DH already leaves me to be the default parent, and now it seems like he just wants ANOTHER female in the house to do his work for him. Not to mention the fact that I am the one who has to do all the hosting work when she visits, so it's not like it's actually less work for me. (I mean, she's helpful, but I have to do all the planning, shopping, scheduling etc etc.) DH also disappears for long stretches of time when she visits and expects me to entertain her.



Your idea of getting an au pair isnt much different from your DH's version of getting his stepmom to step into that role. It's just men expecting women to do women's work (i.e. childcare).


If he can make it work, what's your problem? Jeez..


Don't you see the problem? It's women passing the buck to other women. Why cant childcare be 50-50? Hope you're not one of the DCUMers who whine about their clueless husbands.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 23:50     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Seems like "who does the work" is more important to you than "work gets done".
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 23:47     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
That’s called a nanny at best. An au pair is not some American relative who moves in with you and making it sound European doesn’t make it any fancier.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 23:46     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How much would this bother you? Without my knowledge my DH invited his stepmother to move in and be our "au pair." I don't think she'd take him up on it, but still ... It bugs me in large part because DH already leaves me to be the default parent, and now it seems like he just wants ANOTHER female in the house to do his work for him. Not to mention the fact that I am the one who has to do all the hosting work when she visits, so it's not like it's actually less work for me. (I mean, she's helpful, but I have to do all the planning, shopping, scheduling etc etc.) DH also disappears for long stretches of time when she visits and expects me to entertain her.



Your idea of getting an au pair isnt much different from your DH's version of getting his stepmom to step into that role. It's just men expecting women to do women's work (i.e. childcare).


If he can make it work, what's your problem? Jeez..
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 23:10     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
I'd be more concerned that you and dh aren't communicating at all.
Having grandma stay over is the least of your problems.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 23:07     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Anonymous wrote:I think an au pair has to be from a foreign country, am I correct?

It’s not like you can get a Foreign Exchange Student from Texas.....


yeah, I don't even know where he got the idea of calling his 70+ year old step
mother an au pair. perhaps I should just file this one away among all the other things that make no sense ...
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 23:05     Subject: Re:DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Anonymous wrote:Good grief, what the HELL are you complaining about???

I know someone whose husband's stepmother started living with them when they had the first of two kids, and it is free, full-time, high-quality child care.

This is a GREAT DEAL for you. Shut up and take it.


We don't actually need free childcare, and my s-mil has never expressed a desire to do free labor for us (nor would I ever ask her to!)
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 23:01     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Anonymous wrote:How much would this bother you? Without my knowledge my DH invited his stepmother to move in and be our "au pair." I don't think she'd take him up on it, but still ... It bugs me in large part because DH already leaves me to be the default parent, and now it seems like he just wants ANOTHER female in the house to do his work for him. Not to mention the fact that I am the one who has to do all the hosting work when she visits, so it's not like it's actually less work for me. (I mean, she's helpful, but I have to do all the planning, shopping, scheduling etc etc.) DH also disappears for long stretches of time when she visits and expects me to entertain her.



Your idea of getting an au pair isnt much different from your DH's version of getting his stepmom to step into that role. It's just men expecting women to do women's work (i.e. childcare).
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 22:55     Subject: Re:DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
Good grief, what the HELL are you complaining about???

I know someone whose husband's stepmother started living with them when they had the first of two kids, and it is free, full-time, high-quality child care.

This is a GREAT DEAL for you. Shut up and take it.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2018 22:52     Subject: DH invited his stepmother to be our "au pair"
I think an au pair has to be from a foreign country, am I correct?

It’s not like you can get a Foreign Exchange Student from Texas.....