Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think any of this means he's going to end up working at Target. BUT what does sneaky mean? He's sneaky about what? Out getting in trouble? Or do you just mean that he'll tell you he did his hw when he hasn't touched it -- in which case I don't see that as sneaky, so much as lazy.

Is there ANYTHING that interests him? Any chance he's good with his hands/building things? Not every kid HAS to go to college and there are plenty of guys who were C students as best who go to trade school for 6 months, get a job with a contractor and own their own contracting company by age 30 charging $$$$ to re do kitchens or whatever. There are lots of ways to be successful that do not involve a degree from Vassar or Brown or wherever you dreamt your kid would go.

OP here. This.

Additionally, I recently discovered a charge on my cc for a Lyft transaction. I did some inquirying and discovered that he used my credit card to create the Lyft account. He had no plans of telling me until I confronted him. I will frequently give him my credit card to go to the grocery store or to purchase school supplies. Well, apparently he missed the bus for school one day and needed a way there and he opened the Lyft account. I would have totally ok'd the ride and the account, it's just the sneaky way he did it.

OP, I think you need therapy to help you with your feelings toward your son. You opened your post by describing him as the "laziest, sneakiest" and "not brightest" child. Then you list his errors as not doing well in school, saying he has done homework when he hasn't, and not telling you when he used your credit card to get a ride to school. Um, that's not that bad. It sounds like you just don't like him and that kind of thing messes a kid up.

Might I also propose that perhaps he is not "sneaky" but you guys have a communication problem, for which both of you bear some blame?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think any of this means he's going to end up working at Target. BUT what does sneaky mean? He's sneaky about what? Out getting in trouble? Or do you just mean that he'll tell you he did his hw when he hasn't touched it -- in which case I don't see that as sneaky, so much as lazy.

Is there ANYTHING that interests him? Any chance he's good with his hands/building things? Not every kid HAS to go to college and there are plenty of guys who were C students as best who go to trade school for 6 months, get a job with a contractor and own their own contracting company by age 30 charging $$$$ to re do kitchens or whatever. There are lots of ways to be successful that do not involve a degree from Vassar or Brown or wherever you dreamt your kid would go.

OP here. This.

Additionally, I recently discovered a charge on my cc for a Lyft transaction. I did some inquirying and discovered that he used my credit card to create the Lyft account. He had no plans of telling me until I confronted him. I will frequently give him my credit card to go to the grocery store or to purchase school supplies. Well, apparently he missed the bus for school one day and needed a way there and he opened the Lyft account. I would have totally ok'd the ride and the account, it's just the sneaky way he did it.

If you are having issues with him, why does he have your credit card? It sounds like you need to change your parenting and find a way to get him to work with you. Given he is being bounced around homes, maybe he isn't comfortable with you.

Maybe you should look at your and your ex's parenting and life choices. Maybe that has significantly impacted him, especially by depression.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think any of this means he's going to end up working at Target. BUT what does sneaky mean? He's sneaky about what? Out getting in trouble? Or do you just mean that he'll tell you he did his hw when he hasn't touched it -- in which case I don't see that as sneaky, so much as lazy.

Is there ANYTHING that interests him? Any chance he's good with his hands/building things? Not every kid HAS to go to college and there are plenty of guys who were C students as best who go to trade school for 6 months, get a job with a contractor and own their own contracting company by age 30 charging $$$$ to re do kitchens or whatever. There are lots of ways to be successful that do not involve a degree from Vassar or Brown or wherever you dreamt your kid would go.

OP here. This.

Additionally, I recently discovered a charge on my cc for a Lyft transaction. I did some inquirying and discovered that he used my credit card to create the Lyft account. He had no plans of telling me until I confronted him. I will frequently give him my credit card to go to the grocery store or to purchase school supplies. Well, apparently he missed the bus for school one day and needed a way there and he opened the Lyft account. I would have totally ok'd the ride and the account, it's just the sneaky way he did it.

Many of my friends ended up being teachers after being laid off from higher earning, higher status jobs they were able to land after college. One couldn't take the work load and left.

But, there is nothing wrong with going to community college or trying out a full time job.

Anonymous wrote:

because that would require college

You owe him college. If he get in he goes, IMHO.
Having a college degree, in anything, is better than not.
Too often parents say "not worthy" because they're
strapped for cash and looking for reasons to not pay or not help pay.

Has the kid even applied to college? If he hasn't found the motivation to do that, yet, time is running out. Maybe a community college or a full time job would be a better option for him.

There is nothing wrong with working at Target, Walmart, etc. He can work there and find himself a room to rent or a house share.

because that would require college

You owe him college. If he get in he goes, IMHO.
Having a college degree, in anything, is better than not.
Too often parents say "not worthy" because they're
strapped for cash and looking for reasons to not pay or not help pay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

OP here, I'd be over the moon if he wanted to become a teacher, because that would require college and some level of ambition. If he wanted to become a teacher I wouldn't have started this thread. When I say mediocre I mean--living in your mom's basement at 40 with a part time job at Target that you are frequently late for...

That is my fear

yeah, well just make it clear to him that living in your basement, playing with video games and drinking beer is not going to be an option for him. And if that is his current Plan A, then he will need to come up with a Plan B soon.

I don't think any of this means he's going to end up working at Target. BUT what does sneaky mean? He's sneaky about what? Out getting in trouble? Or do you just mean that he'll tell you he did his hw when he hasn't touched it -- in which case I don't see that as sneaky, so much as lazy.

Is there ANYTHING that interests him? Any chance he's good with his hands/building things? Not every kid HAS to go to college and there are plenty of guys who were C students as best who go to trade school for 6 months, get a job with a contractor and own their own contracting company by age 30 charging $$$$ to re do kitchens or whatever. There are lots of ways to be successful that do not involve a degree from Vassar or Brown or wherever you dreamt your kid would go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

I know teacher defense is rampant here, but be honest with yourself about the kind of kid who goes into teaching. IME it’s the B and C students in high school who are really jazzed about having an easy job (since you teach the same shit for 40 straight yrs) with summers off where they can still make decent money esp in the northeast. Let’s be real – it is not the high school valedictorian who is headed to the ivys after high school that is desiring to come back to his school and teach 9th grade history for the next 40 years.

It's also the students who went to college and got silly degrees that they couldn't use to make a living. I can't tell you the # of friends I had with English, Women's Studies, Art History, and 'Insert' Studies who are now teachers after they spent a good 2-4 years making now head-way in the career they wanted.

English degrees are not worthless. Lots of businesses hire English majors. Some English majors go on to law school or into teaching, too.

Anonymous wrote:It’s concerning that you think he is sneaky.

Sneaky = secretive and dishonest.

Not a good attribute.

This would be my concern. It sounds like he is motivated to do things, just not things that you approve of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

I know teacher defense is rampant here, but be honest with yourself about the kind of kid who goes into teaching. IME it’s the B and C students in high school who are really jazzed about having an easy job (since you teach the same shit for 40 straight yrs) with summers off where they can still make decent money esp in the northeast. Let’s be real – it is not the high school valedictorian who is headed to the ivys after high school that is desiring to come back to his school and teach 9th grade history for the next 40 years.

It's also the students who went to college and got silly degrees that they couldn't use to make a living. I can't tell you the # of friends I had with English, Women's Studies, Art History, and 'Insert' Studies who are now teachers after they spent a good 2-4 years making now head-way in the career they wanted.

THIS. And in my family, there a bunch of cousins who went into teaching bc they went to college to get the MRS degree majoring in some random subject. Mr. Right with money didn't come along (this is down south where people are more apt to marry about college graduation), so then they moved back home and continued to wait it out. Until age 24-25 where they and their parents became worried that they'd have to [gasp] support themselves one day. Every single one of them became teachers. And mediocre does not begin to describe them. These aren't the types that are worried about your kid's academic development -- all they care about it -- how long until the next school vacation. They bitch and complain if they have to go 4 straight weeks without any kind of day off. So yeah -- let's not put teachers up on a pedestal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

I know teacher defense is rampant here, but be honest with yourself about the kind of kid who goes into teaching. IME it’s the B and C students in high school who are really jazzed about having an easy job (since you teach the same shit for 40 straight yrs) with summers off where they can still make decent money esp in the northeast. Let’s be real – it is not the high school valedictorian who is headed to the ivys after high school that is desiring to come back to his school and teach 9th grade history for the next 40 years.

It's also the students who went to college and got silly degrees that they couldn't use to make a living. I can't tell you the # of friends I had with English, Women's Studies, Art History, and 'Insert' Studies who are now teachers after they spent a good 2-4 years making now head-way in the career they wanted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool to say this but look - not everyone is going to be a dr, lawyer, or banker. There are people who end up as teachers or managers at your local retail bank, or insurance agents and have perfectly respectable families and lives. Went to high school with many such guys and there’s nothing wrong with their lives. It’s just that they aren’t worrying about their promotion to equity partner or jetting off to London for a few days. More like a week at the jersey shore in the summer and a hope for a raise. Maybe start accepting that he’ll have a “regular” life.

You're comparing teachers to bank managers and insurance agents? Most of the teachers I know have Master's degrees.

+ 1

Teachers in the northeast can make good money too, especially considering the amount of time they get off.

I’d be happy if one of my kids wanted to be a teacher. It’s a very respectable profession imo.

I know teacher defense is rampant here, but be honest with yourself about the kind of kid who goes into teaching. IME it’s the B and C students in high school who are really jazzed about having an easy job (since you teach the same shit for 40 straight yrs) with summers off where they can still make decent money esp in the northeast. Let’s be real – it is not the high school valedictorian who is headed to the ivys after high school that is desiring to come back to his school and teach 9th grade history for the next 40 years.