I think you are all being awfully hard on OP's phrasing. Getting together with the whole family is a nice thing.

Especially if you grow a spine and speak up about what your priorities are.

Suggest an alternate, closer, less expensive location or bow out.

Every other year we have to vacation together for a reunion.

Why do you have to vacation with her? Deathbed promise to a parent? Does she have the deed to your house? Can she fire you if you refuse? Still trying understand the notion of an adult having to do something when the repercussion something along the lines of disappointment, whining, anger, or hurt feelings all that should pass unless the person is an immature idiot in which case their company is not welcome regardless of shared name and/or DNA.

I'm sorry, we can't afford that.

Easy Peary.

Now, why did you feel the need to criticize the sil for this? Given the opportunity, I'd love to go to Hawaii, myself. She makes different choices than you. Not a character flaw

Anonymous wrote:SIL has simply made a SUGGESTION. Just tell her it isn't for you at this time. If you want to throw out some options, go for it.

+1. Since you always go SIL may think you're fine with the trips and the cost. Just be honest and tell her sounds like a great trip but just doesn't work right now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"A vacation in Hawaii won't work for us. It's too far to fly with the little ones, and it's out of our budget."

This is exactly what to say. BTW, your DH should be saying it, assuming SIL is his sister.

This.

Anonymous wrote:I'd say that until the kids are a little older you want to keep flights under say the 10 plus hours to get to Hawaii. I would also ask her about the Carribbean since her kids are more equipped to do the longer flights. I say this as someone who lived on the other side of the planet and was used to seeing little ones on 14 hour flights, of course its possible but its really not fun for anyone- even those with the "good" kids.

This

It's perfectly fine to tell her Hawaii is too far and too expensive for you guys. You'll lose 2 days of the trip just to travel! Suggest Mexico, Costa Rica, or somewhere in the Caribbean as a compromise, where you can all get there easily but she still gets a nice beach.

Hawaii is a long trip from the east coast and does cost quite a bit. We're trying to accumulate enough miles to meet my dad (he lives in Asia) out there some time next year.

Have you considered Cabo San Lucas? The Baja peninsula is much nicer than the Cancun/Cozumel that most east coasters visit.

Still further for you guys, but it's a nice place and more affordable than Hawaii.

SIL has simply made a SUGGESTION. Just tell her it isn't for you at this time. If you want to throw out some options, go for it.

I've been to Hawaii 4 times from the east coast as an adult. I'd love to go back, but we're not going until our kid is 1) old enough to appreciate it (at least 5) and 2) when our kid has shown she can handle long travel days and some amount of jet lag. It's a rough adjustment from the east coast for adults who know what is going on. It's an easy trip from California, but how thoughtless on her part to suggest you schlep pre-schoolers through all that travel.

Just say no, too expensive.

If it's too hard for you to be that concise, have your DH tell them. Most men are great at being concise and to the point and not overthinking something.

Anonymous wrote:"A vacation in Hawaii won't work for us. It's too far to fly with the little ones, and it's out of our budget."

This is exactly what to say. BTW, your DH should be saying it, assuming SIL is his sister.

Agree that seems like an inconsiderate suggestion on SIL's part. And money has very little to do with why it is inconsiderate. More about the time zones and distance with little kids. I would counter with suggestions of Caribbean or affordable east coast beaches or Cayman island is sort of halfway.

However, I would lay off the "keeping up with the Jones's" comments. You are injecting an unnecessary amount of judgement in your response.

That trip is too hard with little kids. I love to travel and have enough miles to go anywhere and still would not do it.

"A vacation in Hawaii won't work for us. It's too far to fly with the little ones, and it's out of our budget."