The only way to shut that thread down is for the friend to get back on that site. Don't directly confront these losers, they will know they are busted and their fun will end.

I feel like I would never just say nothing, and I would certainly never say something and quit- then they'll talk about you!

I say shame them and stay there to fight. If I thought my friend could take it I'd tell her. I'd want to know if people I thought were my friends were not.

Honestly, it depends on whether she was the cheater, or was cheated upon. If her partner cheater on her, this all seems very cruel and I agree with the previous posters. If she was the cheater, however . . . I dunno. I'm hard pressed to think of why she should be protected from the (natural) consequences of her actions.

^Have her post something on a mundane like favorite workout drink, favorite athletic shoe, etc. Nothing controversial.

I would tell my friend. Let her log in and post something on a completely unrelated thread. That will shut those gossips (and that nasty thread) down fast. I'll bet it'll be deleted within 15 minutes of her return.

Then go for a nice walk together, have some lunch and stop posting on that site.

Anonymous wrote:I would post a message reminding people that it's wrong to gossip about others and then I would leave it be. Don't tell your friend.

This. But I would also make the first line a public request to the list serve admin to shut down the posts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would publicly request that admin shut it down. If she refuses and people are ok with that I would post a message shaming the adults engaging in this behavior and leave the group.

Agree!

Also agree.

And just Wow. What the heck is wrong with these grown women?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would publicly request that admin shut it down. If she refuses and people are ok with that I would post a message shaming the adults engaging in this behavior and leave the group.

Agreed.

Another +1. Publicly, OP. If you privately contacted the admin the first time, this time I'd do it as a post that ALL can see: "Administrator--Please shut down this thread. It has become extremely personal and everyone can identify the family involved."

Then if it doesn't disappear, come back only once and post that the forum that once was about exercise and kids has become cruel, ugly and personal and you won't be posting again.

I was very glad to read that you are leaving the listserv AND the exercise group because these are people whom you don't need in your life, and who would turn you, or each other, into the subjects of gossip for sport.

OP, when you said in your post that "this is really childish, stupid and pathetic but I don't know how to proceed" -- the "childish, stupid, pathetic" behavior is ENTIRELY on the part of these people posting. I read your post here as you fearing you seemed pathetic for not knowing how to respond. No. You're in the right and they are pathetic.

You say the woman being discussed is a "personal close friend" so I would absolutely ask her how she is, do things with her to distract her, be extra supportive, etc. I would not tell her that she was the topic of this listserv gossip since she is not even on there and she doesn't need any more drama to worry her.

Definitely don't tell the friend. Whether you decide to wade into the fray to tell people to stop is up to you. It will be hard if your friends says something about how nice one of these "friends" has been to her, since you know what they've said, but I still wouldn't tell her then. It will only hurt her immensely. The women are awful.

Anonymous wrote:I would publicly request that admin shut it down. If she refuses and people are ok with that I would post a message shaming the adults engaging in this behavior and leave the group.

Agree!

Anonymous wrote:This is really childish, stupid and pathetic. But I honestly don’t know know how to proceed. I am part of this closed listserv. It’s a local moms exercise group which only has about 50 members. Everyone sort of knows each other. Discussion topics are usually kids related but sometimes veer into to family relationships. Today they are discussing sordid affairs and some people are bringing up details about a group member who no longer posts or reads the posts. There are a lot of very personal details provided. Easy to guess who the person is. I asked admin to remove the thread but admin refuses. The person who is being discussed is a personal close friend. Some of the people who are commenting are her friends. I don’t know if I should alert my friend or just let it be?

It depends. Did this friend sleep with a married man? My thinking is don't give people things to talk about. If you are sleeping with married people, don't get mad that you were caught and have to pay the consequences. Those consequences mean others will call you out. The one to blame is your friend.

If it bothers you that much leave the group. If you're a good friend best to advise her on better behavior.

I would respond, "I am really disappointed in this thread. It is tasteless and inappropriate to comment on the bodies of others, not to mention others who are going through a difficult time. Please remove me from this listserve, admin." Then I would follow up with the unsubscribe feature.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the stuff true?

The stuff is true but the way it is presented is very cruel and some posts are too detailed. Her kids, looks, etc were commented on. She gained a lot of weight before the affair and more after it and that is one of the things that people mostly commenting on. The thread started with discussing celebrity affairs. I am leaving the listserv and the exercise group. We are mostly in our mid to late 30s so this type of behavior is surprisingly shocking.

Thanks for the update. How sad. Kick em when they're down, eh?

+1

Where is this OP? Close in NoVA?

I would post on the listserv to say that I was very upset by the way people are being discussed, that I asked that admin take the thread down but was refused, and then say that this forum has become something I don't want to part of and that I'm leaving.


I would not tell my friend. No need to hurt her further.

I hate when women act this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would publicly request that admin shut it down. If she refuses and people are ok with that I would post a message shaming the adults engaging in this behavior and leave the group.

Agreed.

Yes