Anonymous wrote:I'm like this. DH's friends don't particularly interest me and their wives interested in a 1950s lifestyle interest me even less. I'm polite and don't feel compelled to be more.

None of us live in a 1950s style. In fact ones of only a few couples who both work in the military. We're all very passionate about what we do, common interests. So it's weird to have all that in common and feel like her husband likes me more as a friend than she does.

Someone else had a weird interaction where we were all at a house warming and my husband, her husband, plus a different wife (not me) were in the bedroom looking at decorations. She only saw two of them (husband, other wife) and had this angry look until she saw my husband. So I guess it could be jealousy. She might view all other women as threats regardless of our marriage status. Again, not sure how I can make her feel more confident that I'm not a threat, if it just takes time.

I'm like this. DH's friends don't particularly interest me and their wives interested in a 1950s lifestyle interest me even less. I'm polite and don't feel compelled to be more.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's like me ... A little shy with resting bitch face. I'm nice deep down! Try not to take offense so easily.

If I messaged you, would you respond? I'm not offended, but I would take that as you aren't interested in speaking to me if you ignore my message.

Maybe she's like me ... A little shy with resting bitch face. I'm nice deep down! Try not to take offense so easily.

Anonymous wrote:I’m having a hard time following the situation or issue exactly, OP. I think others are too.

Part of the issue that is tough is that it isn't simply husbands hanging out. While it's possible and happens, because we have to travel for work and to see each other there isn't avoiding the spouse. They have gone out alone, but the husband insists on group activities and has organized several for us. I'm not really looking to avoid his wife either. Again she's pleasant and fine, I'm wondering how to thaw the ice. So it isn't just our husbands hanging out and we tag along. That we can actually interact too. Came here to see if someone has been successful in doing so.

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Anonymous wrote:That's me. I don't click with DH's friend wife. Nothing is wrong, I just feel zero connection. I would gladly not join DH but he likes when I am with him. I like his friends, but not their wives.

I try not to take it personally because she doesn't have any close friends in our circle of about 20 couples. That said, I try my best to be friendly to her and wouldn't mind being friends, I respect who she is.

She doesn’t WANT any friends in YOUR circle. She has enough friends. You obviously want more friends. You sound lonely.

"Our circle" is the military speciality we're in. We cannot avoid eachother, we all see each other often. We have to work together on the same mission. The promotions depend on working well together. From a lifestyle standpoint (you can see people's judgement above) we're also isolated from the mainstream. I have friends outside the military, thankfully, but most of us struggle to maintain friendships over moving every 1-3 years. All of the families in our group we're together for about 6 years over 5 moves so we see each other more than our families.

It'989 more understandable now. PP, who doesn't click with the wives here. I don't make friends with coworkers either. I have friends, but I don't have a big circle of friendly people, I don't like having semi-close friends, I only have close friends. I don't like random social activities that involve a random collection of people. I can do it once in a while, a long while.

Just because the husbands are friends doesn't mean that the wives will automatically be friends. You don't click, you don't click. Be polite and move on. Let the husbands hang out separately.

Anonymous wrote:I’m having a hard time following the situation or issue exactly, OP. I think others are too.

NP. TLDR; OP can't understand that any random woman anywhere wouldn't be falling over herself in eagerness to be her friend and have a friendship with her separate from the husbands.

OP: you're honestly being a nutcase. She just doesn't think you're that cool. Find your people. She's not it. Or, rather, you are not HER people, since it sounds like you like her just fine. She's happy to talk with the others, but doesn't want to be chummy and waste time with you outside the group setting.

I’m having a hard time following the situation or issue exactly, OP. I think others are too.

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Anonymous wrote:That's me. I don't click with DH's friend wife. Nothing is wrong, I just feel zero connection. I would gladly not join DH but he likes when I am with him. I like his friends, but not their wives.

I try not to take it personally because she doesn't have any close friends in our circle of about 20 couples. That said, I try my best to be friendly to her and wouldn't mind being friends, I respect who she is.

She doesn’t WANT any friends in YOUR circle. She has enough friends. You obviously want more friends. You sound lonely.

"Our circle" is the military speciality we're in. We cannot avoid eachother, we all see each other often. We have to work together on the same mission. The promotions depend on working well together. From a lifestyle standpoint (you can see people's judgement above) we're also isolated from the mainstream. I have friends outside the military, thankfully, but most of us struggle to maintain friendships over moving every 1-3 years. All of the families in our group we're together for about 6 years over 5 moves so we see each other more than our families.

Then why refer to her as husbands friends wife...?
You work together? You see her more than your own family? Yet she is your husbands friends wife??? OK

Well that is how I would describe it because our husbands are more friends than we are. Like I said, I reached out to try to be friends, but she ignored me. So I accepted she was not interested in being friends.

Drop her. She's a jerk.

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Anonymous wrote:That's me. I don't click with DH's friend wife. Nothing is wrong, I just feel zero connection. I would gladly not join DH but he likes when I am with him. I like his friends, but not their wives.

I try not to take it personally because she doesn't have any close friends in our circle of about 20 couples. That said, I try my best to be friendly to her and wouldn't mind being friends, I respect who she is.

She doesn’t WANT any friends in YOUR circle. She has enough friends. You obviously want more friends. You sound lonely.

"Our circle" is the military speciality we're in. We cannot avoid eachother, we all see each other often. We have to work together on the same mission. The promotions depend on working well together. From a lifestyle standpoint (you can see people's judgement above) we're also isolated from the mainstream. I have friends outside the military, thankfully, but most of us struggle to maintain friendships over moving every 1-3 years. All of the families in our group we're together for about 6 years over 5 moves so we see each other more than our families.

Then why refer to her as husbands friends wife...?
You work together? You see her more than your own family? Yet she is your husbands friends wife??? OK

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's me. I don't click with DH's friend wife. Nothing is wrong, I just feel zero connection. I would gladly not join DH but he likes when I am with him. I like his friends, but not their wives.

I try not to take it personally because she doesn't have any close friends in our circle of about 20 couples. That said, I try my best to be friendly to her and wouldn't mind being friends, I respect who she is.

She doesn’t WANT any friends in YOUR circle. She has enough friends. You obviously want more friends. You sound lonely.

"Our circle" is the military speciality we're in. We cannot avoid eachother, we all see each other often. We have to work together on the same mission. The promotions depend on working well together. From a lifestyle standpoint (you can see people's judgement above) we're also isolated from the mainstream. I have friends outside the military, thankfully, but most of us struggle to maintain friendships over moving every 1-3 years. All of the families in our group we're together for about 6 years over 5 moves so we see each other more than our families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's me. I don't click with DH's friend wife. Nothing is wrong, I just feel zero connection. I would gladly not join DH but he likes when I am with him. I like his friends, but not their wives.

I try not to take it personally because she doesn't have any close friends in our circle of about 20 couples. That said, I try my best to be friendly to her and wouldn't mind being friends, I respect who she is.

She doesn’t WANT any friends in YOUR circle. She has enough friends. You obviously want more friends. You sound lonely.

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Anonymous wrote:Just be polite and don't expect anything. Why doesn't your DH just hang out with his friend on his own?

We don't usually do separate things because we have limited time to spend with each other. Plus I like his friend too. There is nothing terribly wrong about his wife, it just hurts when it feels like she rejects my friendship. I'm not looking for a BFF, but just having a better connection to her would make things easier.

You sound needy. You and DH should start doing separate things. Not every weekend but sometimes.
I have my own friends. I have no interest in a friendship with DH’s friend’s wives. Sure, when we invite them over I am nice and chat but I would NOT be building a friendship there.

I'm not needy, we live separately so we literally see each other once a month. Since we also have to now travel to see these friends, we'll have to see both of them too.

You don’t live with your spouse? That’s messed up. Work on fixing that first. Forget about friends, you have bigger issues. Maybe the wife is aghast that you see your spouse once a MONTH. Maybe she thinks your are putting money before the relationship and that makes you not her type.

We're all military, so it's common. She is with her husband at the moment but will most likely be stationed away from him for 3 years. So I guess she could think that but she will be in the same situation too. None of us live close, so we have to travel to see each other.

People can’t move to where their spouses are stationed In the us?

No, dual military are not gaurenteed to be stationed together.