I think you can nicely tell her to drop this subject. You do have a husband problem, though. He needs to stop dismissing your feelings, and have your back better, especially in facilitating things with his family. He really ought to tell his mother, on your behalf, to stop with the weight loss stuff.

I have a MIL who'd fake exclaim that I'd lost weight, every other time she saw me, (and she saw me often). I carry an unvarying amount of extra weight. She thought she was cleverly pointing out how fat I am, and trying to shame me. Didn't work.

She'd also fake exclaim about my hair, once I started getting grey streaks, saying Oh did you dye your hair--it looks so pretty! when obviously I have grey streaks, year in, year out, that I don't dye.

I just always looked at her blankly, like she was crazy, and then smiled and said nothing. I am the smirking Grey Rock DIL from hell, to her.

Anonymous wrote:Would you be offended if your MIL sent you weight loss videos if you were 3 months post partum? I’m up 10 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight (124 lbs instead of 114 lbs, i’m 5’2). I am just pissed off that she sends me garbage (and not even useful garbage. It was a dieting video from India on how to lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks). She also texts me that I need to eat well. I do actually eat decently. Since I can’t tell her to mind her own business in real life, I thought venting to DCUM would make me feel better. My husband doesn’t understand.

I find with these things it's best to ignore it. Then the person has no cause to engage. Delete the video. Delete the text. If she asks, say, oh, I get so many emails, it must have got lost. Same with texts. Just don't engage.

Why can't you tell her to mind her own business and how rude it is?

"Why is my weight important to you?"

"My doctor is happy with my current health"

"Shut the fuck up, bitch. Oops, sorry, I'm hormonal"

Visit her less. If she doesn't know about the 10 extra pounds, she won't have to worry about them, right?

I had to tell my MIL very directly that she could not discuss my weight, or breast feeding success, or blood pressure (and so on) during or after my pregnancy with anyone.

I tried delicately a couple of times, tried to convey that I was resistant to those discussions, etc... and that all failed.

Eventually I had to say that details of my personal health situation were private and I did not want to discuss them with her, or have them shared with anyone else. I very directly asked her to respect my privacy. She agreed, apologized and we moved on.

You can be direct and kind at the same time OP. "MIL, I appreciate your concern, but I don't need or want diet advice. Thank you." "MIL, as I've said, I don't need or want these articles, so please stop sending them. But I'd welcome your help with....( and find something you can let her help with that will annoy you less)"

Anonymous wrote:I guess she means well but if you don't tell her anything, she will not stopping sending these videos or mentioning your weightloss.
Tell her gently to stop

Why do you assume that she means well?

I guess she means well but if you don't tell her anything, she will not stopping sending these videos or mentioning your weightloss.
Tell her gently to stop

My mom does this shit.

Since I can’t tell her to mind her own business in real life

"This isn't appropriate. I wish you would stop." Of course you can say you wish she would stop. Make sure you have her full attention. Say it once. And mean it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you CAN tell her to MYOB. I have a MIL who says inappropriate things, and the second she started to discuss my post-partum weight I told her in no uncertain terms "You are not to discuss my weight or appearance or what I eat with me, at all." She never did again. I am not normally that assertive but I chalk it up to post-partum hormones and sleep deprivation

That is not assertive, that was being an ahole. On the bright side the message got through.

How was that being an asshole? Probably something I should have said to my dad decades ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you CAN tell her to MYOB. I have a MIL who says inappropriate things, and the second she started to discuss my post-partum weight I told her in no uncertain terms "You are not to discuss my weight or appearance or what I eat with me, at all." She never did again. I am not normally that assertive but I chalk it up to post-partum hormones and sleep deprivation

That is not assertive, that was being an ahole. On the bright side the message got through.

Perfectly assertive. Well done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she in need of weight loss vides?

Yes, she would benefit from losing some weight.

Then you should ask her if she found them to be helpful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you CAN tell her to MYOB. I have a MIL who says inappropriate things, and the second she started to discuss my post-partum weight I told her in no uncertain terms "You are not to discuss my weight or appearance or what I eat with me, at all." She never did again. I am not normally that assertive but I chalk it up to post-partum hormones and sleep deprivation

That is not assertive, that was being an ahole. On the bright side the message got through.

Well what do you call badgering a 3 week post-partum mom about her weight?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Good for you. I just blocked my MIL from my cell and email. If she has anything to say to me, she has to go through DH.

I would love to do that. My husband would throw a fit. His mom is perfect and can do no wrong.

Is your DH Indian?

My MIL is from Afghanistan

Explains it.