Yes, my husband's family was so clearly trashy, REALLy trashy as living in trailers with fleas and pit bills. I should have RUN.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Run!

+1. If you stay, get married, have kids, they will be your kids grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They will be there for every holiday and event. If you don’t like them now, it won’t get easier or better. Also, look very well at them, because this is who your future DH is (of course there are exceptions), but generally the apple does not fall far from the tree.

Oh, this too. Even if your DH dislikes his own family, he shares the same genes and same personality traits. It took a while, but DH is staring to resemble MIL more and more in terms of her criticisms, fakeness, and tendency to gossip. It’s gross.

This is happening to my DH as well. He's turning into an alcoholic like the rest of his family. Didn't start that way, but it's becoming abundantly clear, that is who he is and like PP said, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I wish I would have seen this thread many years ago.

Anonymous wrote:It just seems stupid to throw away an otherwise good person because of their family, even after it's clear that they are on your side. But, hey, if your options are that limitless, then go ahead and kick him to the curb and let someone else take him.

+1

It just seems stupid to throw away an otherwise good person because of their family, even after it's clear that they are on your side. But, hey, if your options are that limitless, then go ahead and kick him to the curb and let someone else take him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Run!

+1. If you stay, get married, have kids, they will be your kids grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They will be there for every holiday and event. If you don’t like them now, it won’t get easier or better. Also, look very well at them, because this is who your future DH is (of course there are exceptions), but generally the apple does not fall far from the tree.

Oh, this too. Even if your DH dislikes his own family, he shares the same genes and same personality traits. It took a while, but DH is staring to resemble MIL more and more in terms of her criticisms, fakeness, and tendency to gossip. It’s gross.

Anonymous wrote:Run!

+1. If you stay, get married, have kids, they will be your kids grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They will be there for every holiday and event. If you don’t like them now, it won’t get easier or better. Also, look very well at them, because this is who your future DH is (of course there are exceptions), but generally the apple does not fall far from the tree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, because my answer is that it wouldn't bother me, because you're dating/marrying him, not his family.

But then I read all these responses on DCUM about how people should put up with a horrible in-laws because "when you marry someone, you marry their family" and "you knew what you were getting into" etc.

So I think it wouldn't bother me that he had a crazy family as long as he'd cut them off long before we ever got married. I wouldn't hold the past against someone. But yeah, I'd not get involved in that stuff.

I don't think someone should have to cut off their crazy family members -- unless they are actually dangerous. I think as long as he made it clear that he doesn't generally respect their opinions and is on your team, that should be enough. Annoying in-laws that you occasionally have to deal with are just a part of life for most people.

This is key. And easier said than done. A lot of men are enmeshed.

Anonymous wrote:It's funny, because my answer is that it wouldn't bother me, because you're dating/marrying him, not his family.

But then I read all these responses on DCUM about how people should put up with a horrible in-laws because "when you marry someone, you marry their family" and "you knew what you were getting into" etc.

So I think it wouldn't bother me that he had a crazy family as long as he'd cut them off long before we ever got married. I wouldn't hold the past against someone. But yeah, I'd not get involved in that stuff.

I don't think someone should have to cut off their crazy family members -- unless they are actually dangerous. I think as long as he made it clear that he doesn't generally respect their opinions and is on your team, that should be enough. Annoying in-laws that you occasionally have to deal with are just a part of life for most people.

It's funny, because my answer is that it wouldn't bother me, because you're dating/marrying him, not his family.

But then I read all these responses on DCUM about how people should put up with a horrible in-laws because "when you marry someone, you marry their family" and "you knew what you were getting into" etc.

So I think it wouldn't bother me that he had a crazy family as long as he'd cut them off long before we ever got married. I wouldn't hold the past against someone. But yeah, I'd not get involved in that stuff.

Anonymous wrote:Yes because if the family doesn't like you they will win in the end. See Kathleen Biden - 20 years of 'work' put in and nationally humiliated (not talking about the divorce either).

Nothing I've read/heard indicates that the Biden family disliked Kathleen.They seem to have chosen their son/brother's side over here but thst's pretty standard.

Depends on what I don't like about the family, and how the guy feels about them.

If the issues were big (racist or uneducated or lots of health issues that could affect any potential kids) I would end it.

If the issues were not big and he knew they were jerks and didn't associate with them too much and set healthy boundaries it could work.

But no matter how small the issues, if he didn't stand up for himself or me I'd have to end it because I'd have no respect for him which would kill our sex life.

If they live nearby and he is very close to them then it will be a problem. If not, it's tolerable.

You should love the family, too.You don't have to love them as much as you love your family, but it matters.