How does he know these women to convince them to send selfies to him? That’s what doesn’t make sense. I would never send a selfie to some random who contacted me on Facebook. Who would? He probably knows these women.

Your husband has too much time on his hands and/or you're not paying him enough attention. .

In my 20s I had an affair with an older married man. Huge mistake but that's another story. Looking back I can tell his wife was MIA and was focused on everything except for him. So many men and women simply want attention. Not saying it's right or justified, but it seems like human nature. If your husband is communicating with this many women he also has too much time. The married man I was with spent hours talking to me and now in old age I realize how strange it is that he could give me this much time.

Is this immediate grounds for divorce?

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not "just" talking. He would f*ck if given the chance. You guys have some issues to sort out.

Not necessarily. There are men that just need to know that they "still have it". That is enough for them. This could actually be perfectly harmless entertainment and his DW gets the benefit of this confidence boost.

Different perspective.

The fact that he is messaging many women means that he's just fishing for attention. It's still a horrible thing to find out but be honest. Would it be worse for you if he were talking to just one woman? One he is developing a relationship with?

Anonymous wrote:Husband left his Facebook messenger open and I snooped. So what.

I found out he has been messaging over 20 plus women. Long conversations. Many flirty. Most live out of town and no plans to meet up but this is stunning. It’s like a whole double life. It’s obvious he’s starving for attention and getting these women to dawn over him. Lots of pictures. Gym pics. Selfies. No naked pictures but many suggestive. Mostly him asking them to send to him. He’s always been a narcissistic attention whore. With all people. Disgusting.

He's cheating. Get a lawyer and burn him.

Anonymous wrote: I’m just ranting right now because I’m still in shock but I find it amazing and scary that a 40 something-year-old law firm partner would be sending a random guy selfies just because he told her she looked sexy. Who does that??

She's probably lonely. A lot of intelligent, accomplished women make stupid, STUPID decisions with regards to their personal lives. In any event, the women here are not your problem, DH is. Take whatever time you need to process her, and then start protecting yourself. Set aside money, talk to a lawyer, accumulate proof. Like other posters said, this is the tip of the iceburg.

You will be ok, but it's going to be awhile before you feel that way.

Anonymous wrote: I’m just ranting right now because I’m still in shock but I find it amazing and scary that a 40 something-year-old law firm partner would be sending a random guy selfies just because he told her she looked sexy. Who does that??

Probably for the same reason your DH is asking for them?

I’m just ranting right now because I’m still in shock but I find it amazing and scary that a 40 something-year-old law firm partner would be sending a random guy selfies just because he told her she looked sexy. Who does that??

He’s always had an attention seeking personality. I’m not sure that he would sleep with these women but I know that he wants these women to be sexually attracted to him. It’s part of his desire to be wanted.

It occurs with almost every aspect of his life. He makes A very good living but whenever he hears of someone in his profession or around his age that makes more than him he goes into a depression and sulks for an eternity.

I’m not on social media a lot but I logged onto Facebook and started to google these women. They all exist, they are real people and most of them have very good jobs from their LinkedIn pages. I’m really not sure what to do right now.

I have no advice but I do have a question. If you could go back to your blissfully ignorant life before you snooped, would you choose to do so?

I can't even answer that myself. I snooped when the opportunity presented itself and I've been miserable ever since.

Don't get me wrong, I have no guilt about my snooping at all, as bad a thing as it is. I don't care. But while it's good to know the truth, I'll also admit I was much happier not knowing.

To give you a man's perspective. I think it is worrisome that he's talking to so many women online as himself. He's basically telling them he's there when something happens. There is sexual tension.
Did you bring it up with him? What did he say? I mean you have to confront him. At the end of the day, it will be up to you whether you believe him and expect him to change. If he plays it down, then i think you have a problem.

Why don’t you send them all a photo of “him”— the most massively obese and disgusting photo of a man you can find? And do a group message, suggesting they all become part of his harem. That’ll get them all wet.

I'd get screenshots of everything with my phone.

That's disgusting. What are you going to do? Is what he's doing inappropriate in terms of your marriage?