Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!! I had posted that it was too early to tell, that miscarriage was a possibility and I so wanted to add that it was not intended to be cruel (so hard to convey tone online) and hope it didn't come across that way. Too late as the original post was gone. I feel I have bad karma.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I'm sure you are deviated right now, but in the long run this was likely for the best. I hope you will be able to take comfort in that thought soon.

I ask if he would be okay with marrying me and having a baby with me if I accidentally got pregnant. If he doesn't say yes, I don't marry him.

If you're demanding a guy that you are dating to promise to marry you if he knocks you up: stupid idea. You marry only if you want to try to live with that person for the rest of your life. Not for a green card, not for the guy's money, not solely because of a baby. I understand the tradition, but it's stupid to marry in order to have sex or live together.

Sincerely,
guy who is glad he married his pregnant girlfriend.

OP, I am sorry for your loss.

I'm sure some men would lie. But I had one guy say, no, I would want you to get an abortion. And I had another say, I'm not sure so we kept dating for another month or so and he said yeah he was sure he'd by ok with getting married so then we slept together. That guy did indeed want to propose later on so I think he was telling the truth.

I'm pro choice and don't know for sure how I would react but have always known, since I was 22 and a friend of mines boyfriend was an ass when she got pregnant, that I want to have that convo before sex not after.

Anonymous wrote:I always have this discussion with a guy before I have sex with him. I ask if he would be okay with marrying me and having a baby with me if I accidentally got pregnant. If he doesn't say yes, I don't marry him.

So many women let me get away with such shitty behavior. Women need to hold men to higher standards of behavior and treatment before we sleep with them rather than sleeping with them and hoping for the best when you don't know him well enough.

You know they're just going to lie to you right?

I always have this discussion with a guy before I have sex with him. I ask if he would be okay with marrying me and having a baby with me if I accidentally got pregnant. If he doesn't say yes, I don't marry him.

So many women let me get away with such shitty behavior. Women need to hold men to higher standards of behavior and treatment before we sleep with them rather than sleeping with them and hoping for the best when you don't know him well enough.

OP, are you the same o e who was trying to decide when to tell and waited through a family trip your ex was on?

I guess we'll never know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait I don’t think the miscarriage OP here is the OP we’re looking for. Sounds like the one replying on the thread is the one whose BF ghosted her. We’re looking for the one who didn’t tell her BF yet.

That's the one I was referring to upthread that had the 10+ page thread that disappeared. Wasn't sure if it was the same person though and her telling him was just another development. Never know what to think when a thread just disappears though like maybe Jeff caught someone trolling.

There was a thread on website feedback about the OP who hadn’t yet told the BF.Jeff said that she requested the thread be deleted.

So is this the same person or someone else?

Pp here continued.... anyway the point is that it was a hard time, I felt great loss even though I had been unsure about having the baby, so get support. I'm also grateful that in the end I did not have to be tied to him or raising a child on my own, though I know I could have done it and would have the baby if I were back in that position

3 years later I met DH and we have two wonderful kids. One thing that I learned was to really assess someone's values and reliability. Although the ex was charming good looking and smart, there was an absence if real empathy or loyalty. I know that DH, though not perfect, is a man who would do anything for me or the kids. You deserve a guy with similar values, who is mature and empathetic.

To the poster who had the m/c with the shitty boyfriend. I was in a very very similar situation years ago, although I was early 30s and we lived together and had talked about having kids. Then when I had a b/c fail, he freaked out. Not as nasty as your bf but was hoping I would abort. I was on the fence but leaning toward having the baby. He was not happy, said nothing about supporting me through it (I would have parental help if he bailed)...this coming from a guy who said weeks previously what a great mom I would be and when did I want kids etc....

Like you, I also had an m/c alone in the hospital. The boyfriend could. Not. Deal. Didn't even drive me there. In hindsight it was a blessing in disguise, but I was devastated by the loss and his reaction and I fell into a pretty bad depression for a while. I also told almost no one, which was a mistake, and it was very hard figuring out the logistics of moving out, etc. (Financially he put me in a bind, I was on the lease for a place I could not afford on my own but not right for a roommate situation)

Anonymous wrote:Why even tell him anything at this point? He doesn’t need to know. The only reason he needed to know when (if) you were pregnant is because you expected him to be the perfect dad to your unplanned kid. No point at all in mentioning anything now.

Let him go through life knowing any day you might be calling him about child support, or that you will pop back into his life with this news right about the time he meets a new woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was another ten page thread before that here that just disappeared one day.

Because OP made the whole thing up.

No. I didn't. I actually just had a miscarriage. Right between Christmas and New Years, with no one to confide in, least of all sh**bag dad, so please go away.

He isn't a dad to a miscarriage. He may be the bag you describe but you screwing with his head, lettting him think you are still pregnant doesn't speak well for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait I don’t think the miscarriage OP here is the OP we’re looking for. Sounds like the one replying on the thread is the one whose BF ghosted her. We’re looking for the one who didn’t tell her BF yet.

That's the one I was referring to upthread that had the 10+ page thread that disappeared. Wasn't sure if it was the same person though and her telling him was just another development. Never know what to think when a thread just disappears though like maybe Jeff caught someone trolling.

There was a thread on website feedback about the OP who hadn’t yet told the BF.Jeff said that she requested the thread be deleted.