Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 11:33     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:So after all the hosting and cooking for my DH's son and his son, the 11-year-old kid wouldn't hug me goodbye before leaving (he told his dad "You can say goodbye!" and the dad said "Larlo says goodbye") Seriously???? Very upsetting to not get an acknowledgement or at least a verbal thank you from the younger boy. Are 11-year-olds becoming this self-centered?


You have no right to demand physical affection.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 11:23     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are the step grandparent?

Stop having any expectations of your stepchildren or stepgrandchildren now. Be grateful they turn up. Trust me - I come from a complicated family - they will warm to you if you are kind and if you don't show you have expectations of their behavior or feelings toward you.


NP. No wonder American kids are so rude. Because adults in this country don't have expectations of their behaviors or feelings toward them.


Yup. As an American who has lived all over the world, we have the rudest kids with the lowest parental expectations (and the most spoiled, BTW).
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 11:22     Subject: Re:Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.


It shouldn't be. No one should have to hug. That is gross to force it.


Geez..chill people. No one is forcing anyone but shouldn't the gracious thing be for the kid to at least say thank you?


Of course, but I wouldn't get into a big power struggle on the threshold of the step-grandma's house over it. I'd deal with it privately with the child in the car, expressing my anger and disappointment (including the work involved in hosting Christmas) and taking away a privilege as a result.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 11:20     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
I think it's the child's stepmother who is hurt, not the step grandmother.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 11:17     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
From your language I get the impression the child is not your (biological) grandchild. If there is a slight awkwardness or tension there, I would not bat an eye at the lack of hug. I probably would also chalk up the rude backtalk to 11 year olds being snotty - however as a parent I would never have tolerated that in my kids! I would have expected the father to speak up right away in a tactful way (“Umm Johnny, please use your manners. Mary went out of her way to host us these last few days and you should be respectful”) and then chewed him out on the way home for his crappy attitude!!
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:53     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It isn't about you. Remember he is 11. Sure, he want a gem at that moment, but he is 11 with limited tools to express disappointment about not spending Christmas where he wanted. It just isn't about you.


What makes you think this isn't where he wanted to be??? He said it has been fun. Of course it's not about me. We wanted him to have a good time.



If he told you that he had fun, isn't that verbal acknowledgement?

And are you pissed at the child for not hugging, or are you pissed at the dad for not making a big scene when he refused to hug? Or are you pissed that you put in a lot of effort, and it didn't really come off that well?
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:32     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a thread in the parenting forum where people are being harsh to a mom for disciplining her 4 yo for rudeness. The responders overwhelmingly felt the mom was too harsh for disciplining her child when the dc was very outwardly rude. Why? Because it's Christmas and kids should get their way and it fell into this horrible battle where the parents are calling the mom fat and narcissistic basically because she doesn't do Christmas the way they want her to (which is to give the kids free reign). These mom should are raising the the kids that are growing up to be bratty and get away with murder. They're scared to discipline.

Nah, the whole point of that thread and what the mother actually did wrong flew right over your head.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:30     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:Just because hugs are "expected" in the family doesn't mean that an 11 year old is going to like or want to hug . You need to respect his bodily autonomy as far as hugging


Though I agree yes he could have said thank you


I hate when my MIL forces hugs and kisses.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:23     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
No wonder some of these children act like they've been raised by wolves. The boy should have at least said thank you.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:19     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
OP, there's a thread in the parenting forum where people are being harsh to a mom for disciplining her 4 yo for rudeness. The responders overwhelmingly felt the mom was too harsh for disciplining her child when the dc was very outwardly rude. Why? Because it's Christmas and kids should get their way and it fell into this horrible battle where the parents are calling the mom fat and narcissistic basically because she doesn't do Christmas the way they want her to (which is to give the kids free reign). These mom should are raising the the kids that are growing up to be bratty and get away with murder. They're scared to discipline.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:14     Subject: Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Just because hugs are "expected" in the family doesn't mean that an 11 year old is going to like or want to hug . You need to respect his bodily autonomy as far as hugging


Though I agree yes he could have said thank you
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:01     Subject: Re:Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.


It shouldn't be. No one should have to hug. That is gross to force it.


Geez..chill people. No one is forcing anyone but shouldn't the gracious thing be for the kid to at least say thank you?


Yes. A thank you is reasonable. But your expectations are not.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 10:00     Subject: Re:Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.


It shouldn't be. No one should have to hug. That is gross to force it.


Geez..chill people. No one is forcing anyone but shouldn't the gracious thing be for the kid to at least say thank you?


We also don’t know the circumstances of OP and her DH. 11 year olds don’t understand complicated human relationships. Hell, most adults don’t. Asking for a hug probably crossed a line with him, and he was likely too hurt /irritated to be thankful, especially if grandma is still in the picture somewhere.

While I think an 11 year old is old enough to express gratitude to a host, I also wouldn’t expect much more than a cursory thanks.

But like I said, I withhold a lot of judgment on this Without the full story of step grandmother.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 09:53     Subject: Re:Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.


It shouldn't be. No one should have to hug. That is gross to force it.


Geez..chill people. No one is forcing anyone but shouldn't the gracious thing be for the kid to at least say thank you?
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2017 09:48     Subject: Re:Ungrateful Christmas child guest
Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.


It shouldn't be. No one should have to hug. That is gross to force it.