Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

Your husband's comment was disrespectful, but --

If you are divorced, the reality is that you are going to be a single mom with three young kids. Beware of the cheerleaders here who will insist that you should divorce and everything will be OK. You might find some guys willing to sleep with you, but it's going to be difficult to find a guy willing to take on that kind of baggage.

It sounds like there are a couple of issues here. Your husband doesn't respect your contributions to the marriage and you are stressed from being a mommy all day. The latter is normal when the kids are young, but I agree with the posters who suggest that you might get a nanny to take some of the load off and maybe focus on getting back into the workforce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

He actually said that he was the best you could do? Wow. I'd see that as a challenge.

Work on yourself, OP. Shape up. Plan your exit. Get some childcare for the kids and either go back to your career (full time or part time) or start a business or side job. Get yourself in control of your finances. Look after yourself. Get your power back.

Yeah, eff your kids! Go get it girl!

Yet another case study in why men should never get married.

"I want out of this marriage because muh feelz!"

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

+1. You may be more personally fulfilled if you go back to work and it'll give you and DH more to talk about than just the kids. DH may see you in a different light as well.

And if not, you'll have a career, making your own money, and better prepared if you still want out.

Anonymous wrote:You have 3 children under the age of ten. Of course your life revolves around childcare. Grow up.

If you divorce your husband, your life will still revolve around childcare except you’ll be divorced, working, and your life will suck even more.

+1. Yup. Daycare for kids and a job for you: Being divorced with three kids is so much better than what you have now.

Unless there is abuse, infidelity, etc. it’s in your best interest to work on your marriage and not to get divorced just because you are bored and feel unappreciated.

Take your power back. Daycare and job, at least part time. Save the money, use some to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Be fabulous. Get some hobbies. Do "the 180". Let him pursue you again.

He actually said that he was the best you could do? Wow. I'd see that as a challenge.

Work on yourself, OP. Shape up. Plan your exit. Get some childcare for the kids and either go back to your career (full time or part time) or start a business or side job. Get yourself in control of your finances. Look after yourself. Get your power back.

+1. Many men don't respect their wives once they become SAHMs and stop putting in effort because SAHMs often ARE stuck. My own marriage improved once I got back in shape, got a job, and became a self-supporting adult because DH knew I had options and other men were taking an interest in me.

So much this.

Right, WOHMs get divorced less and little kids love being in daycare

Actually, there is a big body of behavioral economic literature evidencing the shift in power dynamics (often gendered) in marriage based upon relative exit options. The short version is: the better the exit options, the greater the power in marriage. People are unfortunately very predictable this way...

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

Best advice. Do it, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have 3 children under the age of ten. Of course your life revolves around childcare. Grow up.

If you divorce your husband, your life will still revolve around childcare except you’ll be divorced, working, and your life will suck even more.

And your kids will be miserable.

+1000

I dunno I am a child of divorce and I would say living in a home with two miserable parents was worse than being shepherded between them (I remember both realities)

Beat me to this. Yeah, I don't know that living with 2 parents who are miserable is all that fabulous.

Hugs to you, OP.

Perhaps you can leave for a nice vacation just by yourself.

Then you pick yourself up, and get a job. This might take time. You will need to figure out childcare too.

When you start earning money, you will feel so much better about yourself. Divorce may or may not be in your future, believe it or not, that doesn't really matter. What matters is how YOU feel about you, and that's in your hands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have 3 children under the age of ten. Of course your life revolves around childcare. Grow up.

If you divorce your husband, your life will still revolve around childcare except you’ll be divorced, working, and your life will suck even more.

And your kids will be miserable.

+1000

I dunno I am a child of divorce and I would say living in a home with two miserable parents was worse than being shepherded between them (I remember both realities)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

He actually said that he was the best you could do? Wow. I'd see that as a challenge.

Work on yourself, OP. Shape up. Plan your exit. Get some childcare for the kids and either go back to your career (full time or part time) or start a business or side job. Get yourself in control of your finances. Look after yourself. Get your power back.

+1. Many men don't respect their wives once they become SAHMs and stop putting in effort because SAHMs often ARE stuck. My own marriage improved once I got back in shape, got a job, and became a self-supporting adult because DH knew I had options and other men were taking an interest in me.

So much this.

Right, WOHMs get divorced less and little kids love being in daycare

Actually plenty of little kids love daycare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

He actually said that he was the best you could do? Wow. I'd see that as a challenge.

Work on yourself, OP. Shape up. Plan your exit. Get some childcare for the kids and either go back to your career (full time or part time) or start a business or side job. Get yourself in control of your finances. Look after yourself. Get your power back.

+1. Many men don't respect their wives once they become SAHMs and stop putting in effort because SAHMs often ARE stuck. My own marriage improved once I got back in shape, got a job, and became a self-supporting adult because DH knew I had options and other men were taking an interest in me.

So much this.

Right, WOHMs get divorced less and little kids love being in daycare

Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet