"Brace yourself, Brigitte."

Not sure what to tell you, OP. But this thread illustrates that sex is a little more complicated than "ask and get a yes or a no" that "yes means yes" advocates try to suggest is the norm for sexual relationships.

The act of asking instead of doing can be a turn off. Asking the wrong way can be a turn off.

But, more to OP's specific situation, how the hell are you supposed to know whether you'll be in the mood for sex in 12 hours?

Op here. Maybe I need a code word that we can both say to where it will eliminate any wondering or guessing.
When I want to have sex, I am usually pretty obvious and try doing things that will turn him. I don't think he's the type to get turned on by me crankily asking him, "Are we going to have sex tonight"...I guess I could try that and see how my tone goes over....


Not to mention, we just had sex that morning, so it's not like I was going night after night not putting out

I'll say "You up for a little action later?" And she'll say "sure", "not tonight - I'm tired" or "let'sdo it tomorrow and I'll enjoy it more".

Anonymous wrote:so you don't like that, hmm, ok.

instead, would you rather he pout and act grumpy if he doesn't get to have sex?

or would you rather that he push your head down to his crothc and make you give him a BJ? or for him just take you and have his way with you, even if you're weren't in the mood for it?

See, the problem is that he's going to pout and act shitty if she says no anyway.

Anonymous wrote:We have cute code words we can use so the kids don't understand. But sometimes we'll whisper truly smutty things to eachother...creating the expectation for evening antics.

Don't complicate things. Be direct. Have fun!

I like romance as well. Heck, I literally made my husband watch a clip from Outlander to show him how to properly wake a woman for sex. But as much as I like romance, I also like it when he grabs me and whispers something smutty (like what he plans to do to me that night).

What episode, please?

Anonymous wrote:How do you go about asking your partner to have sex. Or do you ask?

Last night, my boyfriend came over. We had sex that morning. He looked at me after he got there and after we were saying "Hello" and asked me, "Are we going to have sex tonight?"

I feel like he was basically saying, "You're having sex with me tonight, right?"

No kissing. No hugging.

I was offended because I don't like to be asked in that way...I would like to give him better tools for next time on how to ask me, or insinuate he wants sex, but not sure how to verbalize it other than coming off mean to him and cold...thoughts?

Maybe he's taking ED meds and doesn't want to poison himself if it's not a sure thing.

Op here. No, I do not want him to just push my head down to initiate s*x. Sure, that's fine after we have gotten going and such but asap right off the bat? sorry, no.

My issue was his tone, I think. It wasn't said in a s*xy, "I hope we are having s*x" sort of way. It was said almost like, "we ARE having s*x tonight".

And nobody is mind reader in life. I am not expecting him to read my mind and nor do I want to try to read his.

BUT more than once, he will say, "Well I tried to have s*x with you last night" and I will say, "When?" and he will say something like, "Well, I asked if you were tired...."....well, sh*t, I thought you were asking me that as a legit question. I didn't take it as you were asking me for s*x.
Or he will put his arm on me or rub my neck and then say the next day, "Well I wanted to have s*x last night".....

How about this? Try kissing me? or even saying, "I would like to make love to you" or something like that...instead of asking, "We gonna f***?"

I guess Im just cranky. Even more cranky now that I had to go back and fix all my cuss words

What has been your pattern this far?

Has he often started cuddling and touching and you decline it going any further? has he had difficult in the past reading if you are in the mood?

It doesn't sound like he wanted sex right then, he just wanted to know if you were open to it that night. Who knows why - maybe he was going to shower or maybe he would work out if no sex or x, y or z.

Was he thinking he was funny?

We have cute code words we can use so the kids don't understand. But sometimes we'll whisper truly smutty things to eachother...creating the expectation for evening antics.

Don't complicate things. Be direct. Have fun!

I like romance as well. Heck, I literally made my husband watch a clip from Outlander to show him how to properly wake a woman for sex. But as much as I like romance, I also like it when he grabs me and whispers something smutty (like what he plans to do to me that night).

I'm awake.

Scratch that. She can wake me up for it, too.

We sext each other during the day. It doesn't matter who starts it. It's always welcome, and it's always reciprocated. We've been married for almost 8 years, and the fun hasn't worn off yet. And yes, we have kids. Our time belongs to us, and we make the most of it as much as possible.

Either roving hands when snuggling, or one of us pronouncing that the room is too hot and removing some of our own clothes.

Usually one of us just snuggles up on the other one in bed, either when we're going to sleep or when we wake up. Interest indicated!

Anonymous wrote:Kiss on the neck to explicit texts to wearing or not wearing certain clothing and sometimes yes it's " You want to fish?"

I know someone whose spouse just turns down the bed coves if he wants some action.

My bed would never be made, The covers would always be down.