"As I am sure you remember, we discussed Christmas plans this summer and agreed to a potluck style dinner. If you prefer a more formal Christmas dinner, you are welcome to host."

Dear SIL,

I'm so glad you have enjoyed my formal Christmas dinners in the past, and saddened by your disappointment this year. If you were hosting, and making ham, turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, that would be wonderful! I don't think it's in very good taste for guests to tell their host how to host.

Cheers,
SIL

PS, have you gained weight?

Anonymous wrote:It was rude of her to say, but I agree with her. You should cook the main dish.

I hate potlucks.

That's fine, but that means you need to host and you need to cook all of the food. OP was clear ***in the summer*** that she wasn't interested in hosting this year. They pushed back and agreed on a potluck. Her SIL is petty - she doesn't want to host, but wants to complain. Whatevs.

Please please ignore her. Nothing will irritate her more. You rock and she sucks.

Anonymous wrote:It was rude of her to say, but I agree with her. You should cook the main dish.

I hate potlucks.

I do too, but this situation meets all the requirements of an acceptable potluck. One year dh's entire family received an email invitation from SIL that was essentially a forced potluck. She offered her house and a turkey, but if wanted anything to go with it, we needed to bring it. It was phrased in such a way that it was clear she thought she was doing us a huge favor that we didn't deserve. Now, if (1) it hadn't been her year to host (we rotate); (2) she had done it in a joking manner; or (3) we hadn't brought well over our share of side dishes, appetizers, wine, beer, etc., to her house over the years, then, eh, maybe no big deal.

"Nothing annoys whiny people more than not getting the reaction they were hoping for."

A million times this! I would so want to reply and remind her of the conversation, but I really think this will get under her skin and it won't bring you down to her level. Let her wonder if you even received the email. But, if you ignore it and she emails again, then I don't think I could resist stooping to her level and I'd slip it into the conversation on Christmas. When everyone says what a good time they had and asks if it can be done again the next year, I would privately mention to a small group that you'd love to, but SIL emailed you twice to tell you how displeased she was about it, so maybe a different idea is needed.

Was it possible that this was a misunderstanding? I mean, when your family said they would help, maybe they thought bring the rolls and other side dishes of thier choice. So that your SIL was reacting to (1) you not making the main part of the meal and (2) you assigning dishes.

Her response was still rude. You told everyone that you did not want to host, they insisted and everyone agreed to help.

I woukd respond back, that maybe she misunderstood when you were talking about this in June, but you were clear that ypu did not want to cook. And that if she wanted to host, that would be wonderful.

I'd get in touch with my brother and ask if her message means she'd like to host instead. Otherwise, you're ready to follow through with the plan from this summer, in which you host but don't do all the cooking.

Anonymous wrote:It was rude of her to say, but I agree with her. You should cook the main dish.

I hate potlucks.

Cool. Stay home!

Anonymous wrote:"Oh that sounds like a wonderful menu! Will you host then? That would be so thoughtful and and also a nice relief to me to have someone else share the load after all these years. "

Different PP here. I also like this approach, but definitely with a cc to her spouse and your husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you feel. I’d perhaps reply to suggest that as she feels strongly about this, it would be best if she host the family dinner. Then she can prepare things as she wishes and maybe CC the rest of the family. I share your feelings about the holiday dinners; I’ve hosted for most holidays over the last 20 years. I don’t want to do it any more; in fact I’ve come to dread the holidays as all I do is clean, shop, cook and then clean up again afterwards. No one else is stepping up, but I’m done. I want to relax and enjoy some old movies, bake cookies and chill so I can enjoy them too. It’s unfair to put the burden on the same person over and over, she’s out of line.

+1

I'm so with you! I want a holiday without chapped hands. And, I married outside my faith so I have twice the number of holidays I should, and twice the opportunity to work my butt off for ungrateful people.

I would forward it to her and you brother (or your husband and her husband, if it’s his sister), and ask if they will be hosting this year? And to let you know as soon as possible so you can alert the other family members.

OP, you rock.

I wouldn't respond until a few days have passed.

Then I'd say I'm sorry this doesn't work for you, but a formal dinner means I don't get to spend any time with anyone, and that's what Christmas is about. If you want to host next year, I'm happy to pass on the torch. Love, sis.

It was rude of her to say, but I agree with her. You should cook the main dish.

I hate potlucks.

Anonymous wrote:I understand how you feel. I’d perhaps reply to suggest that as she feels strongly about this, it would be best if she host the family dinner. Then she can prepare things as she wishes and maybe CC the rest of the family. I share your feelings about the holiday dinners; I’ve hosted for most holidays over the last 20 years. I don’t want to do it any more; in fact I’ve come to dread the holidays as all I do is clean, shop, cook and then clean up again afterwards. No one else is stepping up, but I’m done. I want to relax and enjoy some old movies, bake cookies and chill so I can enjoy them too. It’s unfair to put the burden on the same person over and over, she’s out of line.

+1