OP here. Ugh. It's kind of obvious to me now that my ex is a player, or game-player at the very least. We spoke on Thursday about getting together today (tonight) and when we talked about it last night he didn't remember (??) and was very non-committal. He said he'd be working until the early afternoon and if I didn't hear from him by then, to call him.

Anonymous wrote:In my 20s. On and off in between other reltionships. Eventually we realized we would never find "the one" if we kept having this ongoing thing to fall back on. We stayed friends, but not physical, and in the next year we both met other people - my now husband, and he had a long term girlfriend, and after that his now wife. We are still friends, but breaking off the benefits part was good for both of us to proceed into healthier relationships.

NP... Why weren't you a couple? And how do you now continue to be friends? Doesn't it feel weird?

I'm asking because I'm considering starting a business with an ex (we're both now married, no chance/interest in getting together), but I think it would just be weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually they can be developed. *evil grin*

OP, I did this with someone who was also really talented after dating him and breaking up (he with me because he was moving to Europe), but I did it just once and felt terrible after because he seems totally fine with us splitting up (and I obviously wasn't). You could do it once, see how you feel, evaluate, decide.

But you sound in love with him, so I'd vote "pass" on this one. It's totally possible to find someone equally compatible who will not dump you. : ) -Been there done that

What do you mean by "really talented"?

What were his talents?

"Man, if you have to ask, you'll never know." - Louis Armstrong

In my 20s. On and off in between other reltionships. Eventually we realized we would never find "the one" if we kept having this ongoing thing to fall back on. We stayed friends, but not physical, and in the next year we both met other people - my now husband, and he had a long term girlfriend, and after that his now wife. We are still friends, but breaking off the benefits part was good for both of us to proceed into healthier relationships.

Anonymous wrote:Do you still have feelings for him, OP? If you do, FWB won’t work - you’ll get hurt. You have to be able to have zero expectations of him - be honest with yourself. He.does.not.want.a.relationship. You have to swallow and accept that bitter pill without the hope that he’ll come around. As a matter of fact, there’s probably less of a chance he’ll come around if you are FWB - he doesn’t have to miss you, or experience the loss of you - he can have his cake and eat it too. Be careful with your heart.

+1. If you still have feelings it will really mess you up. He can screw with you while hanging out with new girls. I think you need to wait until some time has passed unless it truly doesn't bother you that he'll be sleeping with others too.

Anonymous wrote:Actually they can be developed. *evil grin*

OP, I did this with someone who was also really talented after dating him and breaking up (he with me because he was moving to Europe), but I did it just once and felt terrible after because he seems totally fine with us splitting up (and I obviously wasn't). You could do it once, see how you feel, evaluate, decide.

But you sound in love with him, so I'd vote "pass" on this one. It's totally possible to find someone equally compatible who will not dump you. : ) -Been there done that

What do you mean by "really talented"?

What were his talents?

I had an odd arrangement with my ex wife for a while after we split. We never really slept together again but she LOVED giving bj's. She would invite me over to catch up. Sometimes she'd make dinner and sometimes there were just drinks or she needed help with something random. It always ended with her going downtown. This wasn't really healthy for me as we divorced because of her cheating and I probably should have gotten myself completely out of her orbit.

She's incredibly skilled in that department so it was impossible to turn down once she started. Luckily, at some point it fizzeld out and I haven't seen her in years.

Actually they can be developed. *evil grin*

OP, I did this with someone who was also really talented after dating him and breaking up (he with me because he was moving to Europe), but I did it just once and felt terrible after because he seems totally fine with us splitting up (and I obviously wasn't). You could do it once, see how you feel, evaluate, decide.

But you sound in love with him, so I'd vote "pass" on this one. It's totally possible to find someone equally compatible who will not dump you. : ) -Been there done that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did it go? Seamless transition or rocky road?

Just got dumped a few weeks ago by the best lover I've ever had. This is not an exaggeration. Outside of his skills we are just highly compatible and have great chemistry. We've been in laid back, low-stakes communication and chatted today. I asked him if he'd be interested in getting together and he indicated he would, over the weekend.

I don't want to overthink this but do I have to verbalize new ground rues: no staying over, for example? Please hold my hand, DCUM. I need some guidance.

What makes him so great in bed?

Passion, adventurousness, enthusiasm, the ability to alternate between nasty and sweet, soft and dominating. Most of all we just have great chemistry and connection (which I mentioned in my OP) - these things can't be developed. You either got it or you don't!

Ex-wife became a FB when I was young. It's the one thing we were great at. I wouldn't say it was a good idea, but it didn't do any harm either. Just two people enjoying sex until one or the other found a different partner. I'd probably do it again with her these many years later, should she offer. I see her sometimes and she still looks great. No H or BF for a long time.

Anonymous wrote:How did it go? Seamless transition or rocky road?

Just got dumped a few weeks ago by the best lover I've ever had. This is not an exaggeration. Outside of his skills we are just highly compatible and have great chemistry. We've been in laid back, low-stakes communication and chatted today. I asked him if he'd be interested in getting together and he indicated he would, over the weekend.

I don't want to overthink this but do I have to verbalize new ground rues: no staying over, for example? Please hold my hand, DCUM. I need some guidance.

What makes him so great in bed?

Yes and still am.

There was physical chemistry but we do not work as a couple. We meet once or twice a month for a tune-up and that is it.

We have taken breaks when one or both of us has been in a relationship. But when we are both single, it is on.

Anonymous wrote:How did it go? Seamless transition or rocky road?

Just got dumped a few weeks ago by the best lover I've ever had. This is not an exaggeration. Outside of his skills we are just highly compatible and have great chemistry. We've been in laid back, low-stakes communication and chatted today. I asked him if he'd be interested in getting together and he indicated he would, over the weekend.

I don't want to overthink this but do I have to verbalize new ground rues: no staying over, for example? Please hold my hand, DCUM. I need some guidance.

I've done this and it has worked well but NOT just a few weeks after a break up and not with someone I still wanted to be with. It helps if you were the dumper.

Yes with two different exes! I call it “recycling”.

The fact that he broke up with you and you are still into him emotionally makes this a no. I did this once and while I enjoyed our time together it would just break my heart every time to know we were not getting back together and the relationships was purely physical. It was a bad choice, I cried a lot.