1) she should have told you the dress code.

2) the most concerning thing is that she is still in a huff about it. In a healthy relationship, she would have said “whoops, forgot to tell you about the dress code. Totally my fault”. And to her family, she would have said “whoops, totally forgot to mention the dress code. My fault, not his.” The fact that this is a thing shows a lot about her and how conflicts will be handled in the future. DO NOT MARRY HER!!

W don’t dress up for Thanksgiving. Agree with everyone else that gf should have given the heads up. I had forgotten to tell my DH one of the dinners at my family reunion was slightly nicer dress and all my relatives blamed me (rightly so) for leaving DH out to dry and not telling him. It would be one thing if he knew and choose not to dress up. It’s another to be underdressed and didn’t get the memo.

We go business casual/slightly dressy, both here in DC area and when I visit family in Indiana. But we ALWAYS give guests a heads up and encourage them to wear whatever they want, and we would NEVER judge or "take off points" if someone went casual.

My son wouldn't have thought to wear a jacket, either. Business casual would have been more than adequate at our table.

This girl sounds snobby and a bit presumptuous. She should have told you about this dress code.

My family: some wear sweat pants, some don't. Too much food eaten to wear constricting jeans.

Op, it's not important what families do. Your GF should have given you information on her family, her family's expectation. Not your fault at all.

My brother drove to our parents house in pajamas for thanksgiving. He’s 32. I sat on the floor and ate at the coffee table. Everybody was happy and had a good time.

If we spend it with DH’s family, it’s a full dress up ordeal. New dress, tights, shoes, etc. Men in full suits. Awkward conversation at a table where no one likes each other.

She should have told you the dress code.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never ever heard of anyone dressing up for Thanksgiving.

If it was important to her, she should have let you know beforehand.

+1

Never heard of dressing up for Thanksgiving. Is this a thing where you live?

No, where I'm from in small-town midwest it's casual. This was in a DC suburb.

This is so closed minded and exactly the type of statement that makes people hate flyover country. Where you are FROM is not how things ARE in the entire WORLD. Can't you see that? Isn't it reasonable to you that people would dress up for special occasions, even if your little podunk family doesn't do it?

No, YOU are the closed-minded one, just assuming an “outsider” should automatically know how it’s done on the East Coast and that your way is obviously the right way. What a nasty and uncalled for thing to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family and every family I've ever had thanksgiving with, except for DH's Midwest family, has dressed up. Men in ties and sport coats, women in dresses and skirts. It's a holiday people! Oh, and we don't eat on paper plates!

But OP, it does suck that she didn't tell you.

It's thanksgiving! It's about eating until you burst and watching football. It is not about cranberry stains on your tie and penny loafers. If uncle frank isn't prone on the couch, pants undone and snoring after dinner, it's not thanksgiving

100% agree with this PP! Sounds like you need a less stuffy and uptight girlfriend. Jeans and any kind of sweater, long sleeve top, etc., are all fine in my family. Sneakers, also fine. Just not hoodies or t-shirts, though I honestly don’t think my parents or my other family in attendance would really care too much!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family and every family I've ever had thanksgiving with, except for DH's Midwest family, has dressed up. Men in ties and sport coats, women in dresses and skirts. It's a holiday people! Oh, and we don't eat on paper plates!

But OP, it does suck that she didn't tell you.

It's thanksgiving! It's about eating until you burst and watching football. It is not about cranberry stains on your tie and penny loafers. If uncle frank isn't prone on the couch, pants undone and snoring after dinner, it's not thanksgiving

It's as if you're straight out of Central Casting for a spot on Roseanne.

I didn't say uncle frank was scratching his balls in his sleep.

We don’t dress up. She should have told you the dress code in advance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family and every family I've ever had thanksgiving with, except for DH's Midwest family, has dressed up. Men in ties and sport coats, women in dresses and skirts. It's a holiday people! Oh, and we don't eat on paper plates!

But OP, it does suck that she didn't tell you.

It's thanksgiving! It's about eating until you burst and watching football. It is not about cranberry stains on your tie and penny loafers. If uncle frank isn't prone on the couch, pants undone and snoring after dinner, it's not thanksgiving

It's as if you're straight out of Central Casting for a spot on Roseanne.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never ever heard of anyone dressing up for Thanksgiving.

If it was important to her, she should have let you know beforehand.

+1

Never heard of dressing up for Thanksgiving. Is this a thing where you live?

No, where I'm from in small-town midwest it's casual. This was in a DC suburb.

This is so closed minded and exactly the type of statement that makes people hate flyover country. Where you are FROM is not how things ARE in the entire WORLD. Can't you see that? Isn't it reasonable to you that people would dress up for special occasions, even if your little podunk family doesn't do it?

He's not being closed minded! His girlfriend is by assuming he would know to dress up and not letting him know, and now punishing him for it. He's not saying that his family's way is the right way, just that he's puzzled that his girlfriend assumed he would know this and is now mad at him about it. Which is completely understandable.

My family (in Maryland, but not DC suburbs) is completely casual. Depending on who is hosting and how many people are around for dinner, we might not even all be around a table really. My in laws in the DC suburbs, who are not only more formal, but also have fewer people they host and a larger home, dress more nicely, but jackets and ties would have been a lot even for them.

I don’t understand, did she tell you what other people wear? Did you ask?

Button down and nice pants. Some uncles wear jackets. Girls in dresses. Women in dresses/skirts/nice pants.

No jeans, legging, athletic attire, etc.