Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:17
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
OP, you're getting defensive. I don't think people are trying to be judgmental. I really think they are trying to be helpful.
I think a lot of us have been poor at different stages in our lives. I don't have kids yet but my DH and I are in a similar position to you - we just started making decent money after being super poor in grad school. We have some interest free debt, and we almost make a game out of trying to get rid of it ASAP.
If you get rid of your credit card debt your DH will probably relax a lot too, and little treats like pedicures once in a while won't be a big deal.
I think a lot of us have been poor at different stages in our lives. I don't have kids yet but my DH and I are in a similar position to you - we just started making decent money after being super poor in grad school. We have some interest free debt, and we almost make a game out of trying to get rid of it ASAP.
If you get rid of your credit card debt your DH will probably relax a lot too, and little treats like pedicures once in a while won't be a big deal.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:17
Subject: Re:DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.
+1 I can't bear to do practically anything not absolutely necessary if I am carrying a balance. Shudder. I hate credit card balances.
Also, I mean, it's the winter. No one sees your feet! The best part of staying home is no one sees you unless you have a social outing. I work from home, and I look like crap 90% and spend quite little no money on clothes or make up, but no one knows because I look spectacular that 10% of the time that I am doing something socially and only need a couple of outfits to pull this off. Take advantage!
OP here: I live in south Florida so people do see my feet a lot and it's the one thing that helps me feel put together. I'm also in school so I am out of about a lot.
https://www.amazon.com/OPI-Infinite-Shine-Polish-fl-oz/dp/B01M1LPY2M/ref=sr_1_9_s_it?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1513199800&sr=1-9
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:16
Subject: Re:DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.
+1 I can't bear to do practically anything not absolutely necessary if I am carrying a balance. Shudder. I hate credit card balances.
Also, I mean, it's the winter. No one sees your feet! The best part of staying home is no one sees you unless you have a social outing. I work from home, and I look like crap 90% and spend quite little no money on clothes or make up, but no one knows because I look spectacular that 10% of the time that I am doing something socially and only need a couple of outfits to pull this off. Take advantage!
OP here: I live in south Florida so people do see my feet a lot and it's the one thing that helps me feel put together. I'm also in school so I am out of about a lot.
How are you paying for school?
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:15
Subject: Re:DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.
+1 I can't bear to do practically anything not absolutely necessary if I am carrying a balance. Shudder. I hate credit card balances.
Also, I mean, it's the winter. No one sees your feet! The best part of staying home is no one sees you unless you have a social outing. I work from home, and I look like crap 90% and spend quite little no money on clothes or make up, but no one knows because I look spectacular that 10% of the time that I am doing something socially and only need a couple of outfits to pull this off. Take advantage!
OP here: I live in south Florida so people do see my feet a lot and it's the one thing that helps me feel put together. I'm also in school so I am out of about a lot.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:15
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
I spent WAY more as a SAHM than when I was working. It's very easy to overspend. I was having lunches out with moms, expensive gymboree classes, random shopping trips to Target where I dropped $100...
I can't imagine carrying a balance on my credit card. Live within your means. A baby doesn't need a music class and you don't need someone to paint your nails when you're in debt.
I can't imagine carrying a balance on my credit card. Live within your means. A baby doesn't need a music class and you don't need someone to paint your nails when you're in debt.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:13
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:You sound out of touch. You need to see a financial planner. If you have credit card debt and are a SAHM, you need to get your finances in order. Stat.
Need to get a job possibly as well.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:13
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.
That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.
BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.
OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.
You would get there faster if not for unnecessary luxuries like pedicures. I bet you go to starbucks every week as well, am I right?
No. I'm not a coffee drinker. I know you're trying to help but you just come across as being nasty. I'm not getting pedicures every month.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:12
Subject: Re:DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.
+1 I can't bear to do practically anything not absolutely necessary if I am carrying a balance. Shudder. I hate credit card balances.
+1 When I was in my 20's making 20K, I lived really frugally and didn't have any credit card debt. I always paid it off. Something I learned from my dad. We grew up on the poor side. Pedicure? No. Just do it at home. Our HHI is $180K, and I am now a sahm. I still don't get pedicures, and we don't have any credit card debt. I drive a 14 year old car.
I handle all of the finances. DH trusts me because he knows I'm pretty frugal. He actually tells me I can spend on myself more if I want to.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:11
Subject: Re:DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.
+1 I can't bear to do practically anything not absolutely necessary if I am carrying a balance. Shudder. I hate credit card balances.
Also, I mean, it's the winter. No one sees your feet! The best part of staying home is no one sees you unless you have a social outing. I work from home, and I look like crap 90% and spend quite little no money on clothes or make up, but no one knows because I look spectacular that 10% of the time that I am doing something socially and only need a couple of outfits to pull this off. Take advantage!
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:10
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.
That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.
BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.
OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.
Then he is absolutely right on this approach. Dig yourself out of the hole ASAP, and then rethink how you allocate your funds.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:07
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.
That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.
BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.
OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.
You would get there faster if not for unnecessary luxuries like pedicures. I bet you go to starbucks every week as well, am I right?
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:07
Subject: Re:DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have credit card debt, you are overspending. Seriously, how can you get pedicures when you have credit card debt? I would nitpick, too.
+1 I can't bear to do practically anything not absolutely necessary if I am carrying a balance. Shudder. I hate credit card balances.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 16:06
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Anonymous wrote:I would agree to this if the amount in your account was generous. If he's going to require a budget before he funds it, then no.
That said, if you're carrying credit card debt, you guys need to sit down and figure this out. Perhaps since having your child, your legitimate expenses exceed your income. In that case, he needs to take ownership of the problem as well. But, if you're spending out of boredom when you can't afford it, then you need to own it. Actually looking at the bills is the only way to tell.
BTW, if your expenses exceed your income, and it is important to both of you that you be a SAHM, then maybe you agree the cc debt is ok for a couple of years. Even so, you need to budget, budget, budget so that it doesn't get out of control. And, if you own a home, you'd do better to borrow against it for living expenses than carry a balance on your cc. This is a dangerous approach, however, and should only be attempted if you can honestly say you can be very careful about spending.
OP here: Thanks for the feedback. We do have credit card debt but right now it's interest-free. My husband is really against pay interest. It's not typical in his home country to even have a credit card. We're trying our best to pay it off ASAP. DH just started making money a few months ago. It's been really stressful for both of us. We went from an HHI of 20k to 90k. We drive a car that's 16 years old and I'm in grad school. I am not spending crazy amounts of money every month. We're not the typical DCUM family right now. We're just at the point now where we can pay off debt.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 15:58
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
Stop with all unnecessary purchases like pedicures until you pay off the credit card debt, OP.
Anonymous
12/13/2017 15:54
Subject: DH wants to set up a personal spending account for me (SAHM)
You sound out of touch. You need to see a financial planner. If you have credit card debt and are a SAHM, you need to get your finances in order. Stat.