I think there’s some addiction involved here. It’s eorrh trying counseling

Pp here, sorry for the typos.. it is 3 in the morning.

It sounds like he is done witj the marriage and avoiding you at all costs. The work is an easy excuse. I would prepare for the inevitable, a divorce after the kuds are grown. I am a female workaholic and i bust my ass at work to fit everything into 8 or 9 hours. There's no way that i am gonna spend time away from my family. I also cope by getting up at 2 to answer emails for an hour. Family is sleep and doesn't mind. I am home for dinner.

My colleagues are workaholis as an excuse to stay away as along as possible. Mostbof the work day, they are shitting around or on long lunches.?

Find happiness outside of your DH, in acceptable ways, like hobbies or social groups. It sounds like he has some underlying issue, like addictions to work and his phone. Those apparently hold his attention, but without those, he can't stay focused. ADHD perhaps? What made you choose someone like him? Does he remind you of anyone? Do you secretly like his unavailability?

Was he a workaholic before you married him?

I agree with some of the above advice. Hang out with your girlfriends more, find some hobbies, and just don't make him a big part of your life anymore. Not everyone has to have their marriage as the central relationship in their lives.

I mean this only to help. You need a life of your own again. You're probably no longer interesting to him, so giving you his undivided attention is now a chore vs something he looks forward to doing. Your kids are constantly evolving, his work is interesting and demanding. You probably had a life of your own back when you met him. Stop waiting around to be chosen and live your life! If your husbands are working these grueling hours such that you don't need a second income, take advantage of that. Go and do some grown up stuff. You can afford a sitter. What do you have to talk about other than family related stuff when you see him. You might get a different response one day if he came home and you were dressed up and out with girlfriends for a ladies night instead of in yoga pants at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op i have a lot of sympathy for you. I was once in your shoes, I get it. The situation will not get better unless your DH decides he wants to be more connected to you. Hopefully he will before it’s too late - you might just stop caring after a while.
In my opinion you are very high risk for an affair. Be careful.

Does anybody get divorced first before having an affair? I mean, what about integrity? If I was unhappy in my marriage, I would get divorced before putting my integrity and self-worth on the line by having an affair.

We just separated. I never had an affair but I'm sure he did. I wanted to wait till the kids were off to college but the youngest is still five years out.

I’m so sorry your marriage has left you feeling that way. What you’ve described doesn’t paint a pretty picture. In fact, it really isn't a marriage. But needing to find something to take the place of him, really isn't the answer either. Have you considered a marriage counselor?