Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

When my kids were 2, pushing them far past their bedtime always always ended in tears, meltdowns, crankiness the next day or two. We did it on occasion (that’s of course how I know it was inevitable) but I hated it. Now that they’re older they can handle the later nights and we can push them more past their bedtime. Not all kids can rally and just pass out in a strange place. I wish!

my parents and ILs are all kind of weird and annoying over different things, but they've always asked us about what works best when we had young kids--menu, time, etc. I'm grateful for that!

to the OP, I would plan on leaving early--any chance the toddler can nap on the way there?

I didn't mean to spark a big debate. I said what I needed to MIL and really just needed to set a precedence that for this holiday and future ones, if its just immediate family, the meal needs to be at a more reasonable hour. There is no need to sit at the table until midnight (what MIL would like to do and wants to do especially on Christmas Eve) when it is just the immediate 6 family members present.

my side of the family is huge- 30 plus people at a gathering. in a situation like this.. I am extremely flexible. and would never ask for mealtime consideration for a toddler. You figure it out.. go late/come early/come for apps. With respect to my inlaws I also realize that since we are half of the party and a lot of effort goes into cooking, we should be there for the actual dinner! WE spend the entire day there, help cook, kid takes a nap there, etc, There are no other time constraints (no one is working or has other gatherings to attend), etc., so we can eat before 8PM.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get why people don't even bother asking what would be the best time for dinner.

Ours is at 1pm, but DD naps from 12-2. Luckily it's at the house we're staying in and maybe she can just sleep through it all. There's no where for her to sit anyways.

This. Especially for such a small group- it's not like trying to find a time for 20 people or something. To me it's rather rude to completely discredit the needs of your guests.

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, I will obviously let him stay up later on a holiday.. but I am not agreeing to a 7 pm start time .. which really means 7:30/8pm.

I just want to manage expectations. There are only 3 other adults and they can bend a bit too.

op-you said you're the only family. 3 other adults and the inlaws? Do all the other adults have another Thanksgiving with their own families early? If not-MIL can have dinner earlier since you are the family. Or-stay for her late dinner and sleep over assuming they have rooms set up for your family [I would].

We do dinner based on the schedules of our young adult children [and their significant others/family]. Nice to see them but nobody has mandatory attendance. The others have family functions/dinners or open houses with buffets in the evening. They all want to cook stuff here - whatever. Turkey Day hangout place is fun. We were invited elsewhere but don't have the heart to tell all of them-sorry your childhood home isn't doing Thanksgiving.

I agree with being flexible but if not your husband should have the convo with his family.

I was much more inflexible about naps than meal and bedtimes for toddlers - I would let this go, OP, and let your son do what he is going to do. Who knows? He won’t sleep there, according to you, but maybe he will keep it together. If not, go home, and let them feel bad and listen to you in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

if they leave at 8 pm, and have an hour drive, then she is keeping him up until 9. There’s no good reason for them not to have dinner at 5 or 6 so the toddler can go to bed at a reasonable hour and so OP and the family aren’t driving late at night. They sound either clueless or selfish.

If we got in the car after dinner my kid would fall right to sleep. I don't know why you can't try putting him down at Grandma's and see what happens, play it by ear. Maybe he'll be fine and you can enjoy Thanksgiving with everyone else, or maybe he'll have a meltdown and you leave. Why make everyone else change their plan?

In this case, "everyone else" is three people. When we're talking about a big group of extended family, I get why the person with the toddler makes some accommodation. But OP/her husband/kid are half the party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

if they leave at 8 pm, and have an hour drive, then she is keeping him up until 9. There’s no good reason for them not to have dinner at 5 or 6 so the toddler can go to bed at a reasonable hour and so OP and the family aren’t driving late at night. They sound either clueless or selfish.

If we got in the car after dinner my kid would fall right to sleep. I don't know why you can't try putting him down at Grandma's and see what happens, play it by ear. Maybe he'll be fine and you can enjoy Thanksgiving with everyone else, or maybe he'll have a meltdown and you leave. Why make everyone else change their plan?

"Everyone else" is three people with nothing going on. Why can't they be a bit flexible like OP and meet her halfway?

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

I love when people say things like this about kids they've never met. Repeat after me - all kids do not react the same way to the same situations. Because your kid, or all of your kids, or all of the kids you ever met in your life would do this does not mean all kids would.

I can't believe we still need to repeat this daily.

I just don't get why people don't even bother asking what would be the best time for dinner.

Ours is at 1pm, but DD naps from 12-2. Luckily it's at the house we're staying in and maybe she can just sleep through it all. There's no where for her to sit anyways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

if they leave at 8 pm, and have an hour drive, then she is keeping him up until 9. There’s no good reason for them not to have dinner at 5 or 6 so the toddler can go to bed at a reasonable hour and so OP and the family aren’t driving late at night. They sound either clueless or selfish.

If we got in the car after dinner my kid would fall right to sleep. I don't know why you can't try putting him down at Grandma's and see what happens, play it by ear. Maybe he'll be fine and you can enjoy Thanksgiving with everyone else, or maybe he'll have a meltdown and you leave. Why make everyone else change their plan?

Why does this require a different thread? Every response will be along the same lines.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

if they leave at 8 pm, and have an hour drive, then she is keeping him up until 9. There’s no good reason for them not to have dinner at 5 or 6 so the toddler can go to bed at a reasonable hour and so OP and the family aren’t driving late at night. They sound either clueless or selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

Agree. This is how I would handle it.

Pushing bedtime by 3+ hours for a 2 year old just doesn't work (at least with my kids.) 90 minutes in they are a melting pile of tears.