Anonymous
11/19/2017 17:41
Subject: Re:Can I insist- my house, my rules?
OP, I feel you cos I am the same way with houseguests. I grew up in Asia and sleeping arrangements reflect hierarchy in the household. So I don't see a problem at all with what you suggest. I also think you are super generous with your BIL and can use the favor you're doing for him (paying him above market rate) as leverage in this situation. Your house, your rules.
Anonymous
11/19/2017 17:41
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Anonymous wrote:Why isn't the 13 year old in school?
Is was Saturday night.
Anonymous
11/19/2017 17:40
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Thanks to both pps. Your points are well taken. Thx for your input.
Anonymous
11/19/2017 17:39
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Why isn't the 13 year old in school?
Anonymous
11/19/2017 17:36
Subject: Re:Can I insist- my house, my rules?
I hear what you're saying, OP, and I would find it distressing, too.
But I think you need to focus on the bigger picture. There may be elements between the relationship of the two of which you are unaware. To wit, your BIL could be thrilled that he has work and is earning money and so he is delighted to have something (the bedroom) to give his son...or your BIL could feel awkward in the guest space for some reason and he has prevailed upon his son to take that room...or...do you see what I'm saying?
So take a deep breath and let it be. Feel good about getting the work done and know that you are helping your BIL at a time when he needs it.
But I think you need to focus on the bigger picture. There may be elements between the relationship of the two of which you are unaware. To wit, your BIL could be thrilled that he has work and is earning money and so he is delighted to have something (the bedroom) to give his son...or your BIL could feel awkward in the guest space for some reason and he has prevailed upon his son to take that room...or...do you see what I'm saying?
So take a deep breath and let it be. Feel good about getting the work done and know that you are helping your BIL at a time when he needs it.
Anonymous
11/19/2017 17:28
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Anonymous wrote:Op - to the posters who kindly suggested I view this for a different perspective, thank you. I appreciate it and I took it to heart. Yes, my kids are younger so I haven’t had to deal with any puberty issues, so I will give him/the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t say anything and I never will.
To the other who were unnecessarily rude. Perhaps you too can learn to be more open minded and structure your responses in a way that will help someone grow and see the world differently. Your posts did nothing but make me dig my heels in more.
It was those who took the time to help me see another perspective to the issue (puberty, my bil’s stress, etc) rather than simply saying I was mean, controlling or anxious, that actually made one small positive impact in the world. And to those people, thank you.
Some of us were both.
You will see that when you describe things in a more neutral, factual way, from the very beginning, people will judge you less harshly. Your beginning tone set people off. Re-read it. It was very uncharitable. You could easily have titled your post "Guests' sleeping arrangements" and asked what people thought of a teen taking his parent's assigned bed, taking away the fact that you think he's spoiled. The responses would have been the same, without the criticism
Anonymous
11/19/2017 17:19
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Op - to the posters who kindly suggested I view this for a different perspective, thank you. I appreciate it and I took it to heart. Yes, my kids are younger so I haven’t had to deal with any puberty issues, so I will give him/the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t say anything and I never will.
To the other who were unnecessarily rude. Perhaps you too can learn to be more open minded and structure your responses in a way that will help someone grow and see the world differently. Your posts did nothing but make me dig my heels in more.
It was those who took the time to help me see another perspective to the issue (puberty, my bil’s stress, etc) rather than simply saying I was mean, controlling or anxious, that actually made one small positive impact in the world. And to those people, thank you.
To the other who were unnecessarily rude. Perhaps you too can learn to be more open minded and structure your responses in a way that will help someone grow and see the world differently. Your posts did nothing but make me dig my heels in more.
It was those who took the time to help me see another perspective to the issue (puberty, my bil’s stress, etc) rather than simply saying I was mean, controlling or anxious, that actually made one small positive impact in the world. And to those people, thank you.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:48
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m saying up front I’m not a fan of my 13 yo nephew.
My BIL is here helping me work on my house. He brought my nephew, which I’m fine with.
I have one guest room with a queen sized bed. And a loveseat that pulls out to a twin. My nephew is sleeping in the guest room leaving his 6’4” father in my living room on the twin. They slept this way at my sisters house a couple of weeks ago even though she tried to have BIL take the guest room. This is just one example of how that family bends over backwards for their son (they also have a daughter who always plays second fiddle for everything).
I find this SO disrespectful. Completely unacceptable behavior towards a parent.
Can I insist that my guest room is for adults only? And, if so, when should I make it clear this won’t be happening again? In the morning? Next time they come?
And, just to get ahead of anyone saying ‘just be happy he’s helping you.” I’m paying my BIL $1,200 for about 7 hours of work in my basement because he’s out of a job. My handyman quoted me $700.
Why on earth is this your business? If he was displacing you or one of your immediate family, it would be your business.
Because it’s my house and I find it to be completely disrespectful. Never t sure how you missed that in my post.
You must have little kids OP.
Sometimes with teenagers things don't go according to how you think it should.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:41
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Maybe the nephew is uncomfortable sleeping in a public place in the home of an aunt who hates him.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:31
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
It would bug me, too, OP, if I already thought my nephew was spoiled. But you don’t sound very nice, based on how you’ve addressed a couple of PPs.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:25
Subject: Re:Can I insist- my house, my rules?
You don't get to determine other people's sleeping arrangements. If it's okay with them, that's all that matters.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:23
Subject: Re:Can I insist- my house, my rules?
My 72 year old father will still try to give me the comfier or more private sleeping arrangements at family gatherings, even if that means he sleeps on an air mattress or couch. I have to protest a lot to insist he take the damn guest bedroom. I've never given a thought, however, to how hosts might feel about it and I don't think it's really their business if all else is equal.
Part of this is that I still have terrible yelling night terrors that can wake the entire house but in a bedroom behind closed doors people are less likely to hear me. I prefer to tell as few people as possible and my dad is very aware of that. So keep in mind that there could be something going on that your BIL hasn't shared with you and MYOB.
Part of this is that I still have terrible yelling night terrors that can wake the entire house but in a bedroom behind closed doors people are less likely to hear me. I prefer to tell as few people as possible and my dad is very aware of that. So keep in mind that there could be something going on that your BIL hasn't shared with you and MYOB.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:14
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Why can't they both share the bed? I would take the nephew aside and tell him quietly that the nice thing for him to do is to give the bed to the father.
If your brother chooses to give the bed to his son, that's his decision.
If your brother chooses to give the bed to his son, that's his decision.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:09
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
The point is that you are placing your psychological comfort above your guests', and that is not usually what is understood by "my house, my rules". You don't sound very mature or understanding, OP.
Perhaps I’m not. And based on responses I will accept I’m wrong. But I will rectify and just not open my house to the possibility again. I’ve got three other siblings in the area who can be more welcoming. Everyone has their quirks and this is apparently one of mine.
Do here. Op, I don't think this is a situation of you being wrong or right, more of people encouraging you to change your perspective. Probably stems from anxiety and wanting to maintain control. If you choose to work on it you can.
Anonymous
11/18/2017 23:08
Subject: Can I insist- my house, my rules?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
The point is that you are placing your psychological comfort above your guests', and that is not usually what is understood by "my house, my rules". You don't sound very mature or understanding, OP.
Perhaps I’m not. And based on responses I will accept I’m wrong. But I will rectify and just not open my house to the possibility again. I’ve got three other siblings in the area who can be more welcoming. Everyone has their quirks and this is apparently one of mine.
it would be so nice if you could have a quirk that didn't involve wanting to be nasty to other people for no reason.
I could say the same of you.
See how that worked?
NP. Nice try, but OP is still the nasty one.
OP, I would definitely give my child the guest room, too. It's called being a family. You not only take care of each other, you enjoy doing it because you love one another. I'm sorry this idea is so foreign to you.