Anonymous wrote:Not a magic pill but accept the real you and try to be at peace. Your experience shows there is no secret formula but I think authenticity is appealing.

This

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's some advice from a man. Stop reading so many books. You have so many "strategies" in your head that it's hard to keep straight. Be yourself and stop trying to pick the best strategy for each man you meet. The best approach is the one that fits your personality. If you are naturally coy, then be coy and it will come off natural...same for the other things you talked about like being picky, cool, sexy, needy, whatever.

If it's not really you, it won't work. Guys aren't the most perceptive but we can definitely spot a fake a mile away.

+1

Good advice. You sound too great to be wasting your time reading all these relationship/dating books!! Throw them away and just be yourself.

Cool advice from cool women.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a matter of you doing anything wrong, Op.

Agreed. Everyone has certain area that is lacking in life. It's just life.

Try your best and then let it be.

Agree with what other people said about having so many different strategies. It reminded me of the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts, you have to figure out which of those options is more authentically you and find the guy that will value that.

From there agree with the person that said to cut bait early if a guy is not a good match and wasting your time. No point in dating someone that doesn’t want what you want.

Also, it sounds like lots of times the guy doesn’t want to get serious and you do which makes me wonder if you are really screening the guys. I was dating several guys when I met DH and there wasn’t any guy I wanted to get serious about other than him. I don’t believe there is one soulmate, but if I were to go out on a date with 20 guys I was attracted to, I can only seeing maybe two would ever get to the point I would think it could be long term. To have the same values, sense of humor, chemistry, balance between personalities etc, it just doesn’t happen with everyone. And as part of having the same values, if he isn’t looking for the same things that I am, that makes him incompatible by my definition for me to even think about a long term relationship.

If they are interested at first and seem to pull away without any specific reason, I wonder if you are being viewed as a sort of "rebound" relationship, where they are OK with you until they think they can do better? Is there anything about the way you communicate or do that might gradually put people off after a while, but something that's not bad enough to create drama? I realize that's a difficult question to answer. It's hard to really say without knowing you. If you are feeling brave, maybe you could reach out to one of the guys that drifted away to see if he is willing to give you honest feedback?

I can understand the logic in being up-front about looking for marriage, but I'd be careful with that. I'm not generally a casual sex kinda guy, but if someone brought up marriage on the first date, I'd run for the hills. Even a man who wants to get married as soon as possible does not want to hear the word "marriage" too soon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's some advice from a man. Stop reading so many books. You have so many "strategies" in your head that it's hard to keep straight. Be yourself and stop trying to pick the best strategy for each man you meet. The best approach is the one that fits your personality. If you are naturally coy, then be coy and it will come off natural...same for the other things you talked about like being picky, cool, sexy, needy, whatever.

If it's not really you, it won't work. Guys aren't the most perceptive but we can definitely spot a fake a mile away.

+1

Good advice. You sound too great to be wasting your time reading all these relationship/dating books!! Throw them away and just be yourself.

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's some advice from a man. Stop reading so many books. You have so many "strategies" in your head that it's hard to keep straight. Be yourself and stop trying to pick the best strategy for each man you meet. The best approach is the one that fits your personality. If you are naturally coy, then be coy and it will come off natural...same for the other things you talked about like being picky, cool, sexy, needy, whatever.

If it's not really you, it won't work. Guys aren't the most perceptive but we can definitely spot a fake a mile away.

+1

Stop being fake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's kind of weird that you are asking only the ladies to give you advice. I would think that you would also want a man's perspective.

Given that there are many unhappily married women on DCUM (read the topics and you'll figure that out), is this the best sample to get advice from?

You clearly didn't read the OP.

Sorry - read the whole thing and was reading the last line and didn't see the line before it asking for men and women...my bad!!!

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's kind of weird that you are asking only the ladies to give you advice. I would think that you would also want a man's perspective.

Given that there are many unhappily married women on DCUM (read the topics and you'll figure that out), is this the best sample to get advice from?

You clearly didn't read the OP.

OP, it's kind of weird that you are asking only the ladies to give you advice. I would think that you would also want a man's perspective.

Given that there are many unhappily married women on DCUM (read the topics and you'll figure that out), is this the best sample to get advice from?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes.

If you are trying all these strategies, you're missing the most important strategy: be yourself. Like yourself. Pursue things that make you happy. Find things that you are passionate about and go out and do them.

Nothing is sexier than a woman in love with her life. Who enjoys her brain, her body, learning new things and being interested in others.

This is not good advice. Among all the many millions of married couples are you telling me the unmarrieds such as OP are unhappy acting? She wants a mate.

OP, you sound fine, try changing up where you go and your interests a little to open up your circle.

+100

This is terrible advice for any woman over the age of 30 who really wants to get married. You're not in college in more. Mr. Right is not going to just walk through the door, or show up at a party. You have to go look for him.

Anonymous wrote:Are you good in bed? Chemistry in the bed room is more important than physical appearance.

Good in bed and chemistry with another person are two different things.

OP, here's some advice from a man. Stop reading so many books. You have so many "strategies" in your head that it's hard to keep straight. Be yourself and stop trying to pick the best strategy for each man you meet. The best approach is the one that fits your personality. If you are naturally coy, then be coy and it will come off natural...same for the other things you talked about like being picky, cool, sexy, needy, whatever.

If it's not really you, it won't work. Guys aren't the most perceptive but we can definitely spot a fake a mile away.

Are you good in bed? Chemistry in the bed room is more important than physical appearance.