Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband speaks to his mother daily and is happy to do so. He loves his mother very much but he is against her bringing him to our house or spending time with him. She is coming to visit for a week next month but he isn't coming.

What a horrible thing to do to her.

This is terrible. Yes. I lost a parent recently and the pain is elemental and deep and I can't see it ever ending.. But I think losing a longtime spouse is worse in the every day. Some people grieve by trying to find someone to fill up those days immediately.

Your husband needs to acknowledge that he's not doing what he's doing to not confuse the children. He's doing it to protect himself. That's okay to a degree, but he needs to be careful before he damages his relationship with his mother irrevocably

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor grandma. As if losing her husband wasn't enough.

This. Why on earth are you punishing this poor woman?

+1 I agree that you all sound awful and I went through this myself. (Parent died suddenly, other parent started dating someone six months later.)

That poor woman's entire world came to a screeching stop less than a year ago. The man she had loved and raised a family with was suddenly gone. I can't even imagine how horrible that would be.

In spite of that loss, she has managed to put one foot in front of the other every day, keep herself going and in doing so she has met a nice, romantic companion who makes her laugh and gives her hope for her future.

How do her children react? They begrudge her this happiness and they refuse to allow Mom's new friend into their homes....

Anonymous wrote:Poor grandma. As if losing her husband wasn't enough.

This. Why on earth are you punishing this poor woman?

My mom did this, too, and he moved in less than a year after my dad died. My kids miss their grandpa a lot, but they weren't confused being around him and they like him very much. It's really hard being the adult child and watching your parent move on so soon when it's still so raw, so I get it, OP.

It is Ok to be cautious, but this may also be a good thing. People are overreacting.

Seriously? I think your DH and his brother need to be in therapy. That is so mean to their mom. They should be thrilled that after a devastating loss that she is finding a way to continue to live her life and hopefully find joy again. And why meeting a special friend of their grandmother's would negatively affect your kids is beyond me. People date. People get married. Death is normal. Freaking out and condemning someone for dating almost a year after a loss is not normal or healthy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It's so difficult to get advice when no one knows the story, lol but I really want insight.

I feel this guy is an opportunist because it feels like he swooped in. I don't necessarily think it's for money or anything - it just feels a little creepy.

I think the older you get, the more you realize that you do not have time to waste. And you get lonely. They probably started doing things for companionship and the realized they were good together. I would only be wary if they start sharing finances. But your DH’s family is setting her up to be taken advantage of, by refusing to interact with him. Why not have him over and get to know him? And let him know her family is always there.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It's so difficult to get advice when no one knows the story, lol but I really want insight.

I feel this guy is an opportunist because it feels like he swooped in. I don't necessarily think it's for money or anything - it just feels a little creepy.

You don't have to go as far as a PI. You can just pay for a background check. Do you have any of his details, like name, last known address, family members, etc.

You said this is a family friend, right? Where's the swooping?

My mom fell in love at 70, and you would think she was the only person in the universe to ever have done so. It was almost adorable, but not quite. He eventually moved in. He's great.

I'm sorry for your DH's loss, but it is time to move on, grow up, and invite the beau over for dinner. His mom certainly seems to be happy, and maybe she hasn't been happy in a very long time. Many people find love again on that schedule.

P.S. The kids won't be confused. That's a cover.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It's so difficult to get advice when no one knows the story, lol but I really want insight.

I feel this guy is an opportunist because it feels like he swooped in. I don't necessarily think it's for money or anything - it just feels a little creepy.

I think the older you get, the more you realize that you do not have time to waste. And you get lonely. They probably started doing things for companionship and the realized they were good together. I would only be wary if they start sharing finances. But your DH’s family is setting her up to be taken advantage of, by refusing to interact with him. Why not have him over and get to know him? And let him know her family is always there.

You guys need to be more supportive of grandma. I’m not sure what you think will happen if your kids meet grandma’s friend. Seriously? They come first, as if introducing them to a friend of their grandma is somehow putting them second? From what you describe, it’s two lonely people filling a void in one another’s life. Your husband can grieve for his dad in his own way but it’s not fair for him to have expectations about how his mom is supposed to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My husband speaks to his mother daily and is happy to do so. He loves his mother very much but he is against her bringing him to our house or spending time with him. She is coming to visit for a week next month but he isn't coming.

What a horrible thing to do to her.

I don't believe so.. we have 3 children in the house and it's too soon for all that. She is free to live her life but when she involves them, they come first.

You are a pathetic prude.

Poor grandma. As if losing her husband wasn't enough.

Statistically, if you don’t remarry within a year then you are unlikely to ever remarry. 7 months to start dating a family friend is fine. Her sons seem unloving and controlling.