Anonymous
Post 11/14/2017 09:25     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
I think you have to go to Thanksgiving. I'd take/"contribute" a couple of sides I know I like myself if the food is terrible.

I think you can safely skip the rest. I'd go every other month or so, and for holiday gatherings, but not the constant stuff.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2017 09:25     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, skip them. It's perfectly fine.

How much free time do they have that they have 3 gatherings in the next 10 days? Is this the Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of Thanksgiving or something else?


Op here. There is an uncle coming from out of town this Thursday, so a pizza gathering to welcome him. Then a more formal gathering Saturday with sloppy Joe's to welcome the arrival of DH's cousin. Then thanksgiving.

What makes me crazy is that for 3 years I truly made an effort. And they still hate me. I tried to be super nice, would bring dishes to all these dumb little gatherings, would compliment the slop and people's outfits and homes, show interest in their lives. I'd buy cards for DH to send on his grandparents and parents birthdays and sent pictures of DD every few months. I'm done trying.


Snort. This is the literal definition of an oxymoron.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2017 09:21     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Formal Sloppy Joes. LMAO!
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2017 08:55     Subject: Re:Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Op I hear you on the food thing!!! I have my own issues with my in laws as well...and the fact that we have to attend these forced gatherings, and suffer through disgusting food is even worse!! Mine don't live close so I will be there for days! Totally agree with pp who said bad company with great food and wine is tolerable, but bad company with worse food and in my case no wine is intolerable!! Don't worry I bring wine..but am lucky if I get 1 full glass as despite not providing any they sure love to drink up mine!!!
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2017 06:55     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Yes, you can do this no problem. I am sure they will be glad you didn't come. You sounds depressed. None of the offenses seems like a big deal to me, apart from cousin. Who cares about the cousin. Given your negative post and nit picking, maybe cousin has a point.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2017 04:51     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Absolutely fine! And I wouldn't even require DD to go either, if she hates it too. Let her decide though, don't try to influence.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 23:22     Subject: Re:Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?

OMFG.

I would find my dream job across state lines and move. Your in-laws sound like a messy nightmare. Getting together 2-3 times a month is excessive. My husband's family lives here and we only see most of them on actual holidays.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 20:23     Subject: Re:Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
I don’t find any of your examples to be egregious. So they love you a lot and want to see you more than you prefer and they are lousy cooks. NBD. My answer to this is that you have to do enough to satisfy your family. No you don’t always have to go. But it’s not for your Ils, it’s for your husband and kids.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 20:05     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
The surprising thing is that it’s taken you three years to come to this conclusion! Of course you send DH by himself or with DD.

(The only caveat to this is that you do have to make an appearance for major holidays like thanksgiving and Christmas. But a random uncle visiting? No way!)
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 19:55     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Anonymous wrote:I do think they’re asking a lot of you, but I also think you sound like a complete b*tch (like about the food) so I can’t fathom why they want you around so much.


Op here. I know I'm being a bitch about the food. It's really bad in the extreme though. I'm not even a foodie, but the word "slop" to describe it is fair.

I mean, really? Gobs of half melted cheese over a pan of drained chicken noodle soup? That's not revolting?

I tried for 3 years to get to know them, be interested in their lives, etc.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 19:40     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Anonymous wrote:I do think they’re asking a lot of you, but I also think you sound like a complete b*tch (like about the food) so I can’t fathom why they want you around so much.


Disagree!! Bad company AND bad food? Intolerable. Bad company, but good food and lots of wine? Doable!
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 19:25     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
I do think they’re asking a lot of you, but I also think you sound like a complete b*tch (like about the food) so I can’t fathom why they want you around so much.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 17:48     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
ABSOLUTELY
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 16:16     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Anonymous wrote:Go to Thanksgiving, as it's so close.

Do DH & DD even need to go to the other events? Or just one? That seems a bit much.

Why Christmas Eve? Do you do Christmas in your own home?


Op here. DH's family does their big celebration on Christmas Eve. We will do our own thing as a nuclear family on Christmas Day.

DH probably doesn't have to go to all three events. That's what's weird-his family gets angry when we don't go to everything even when we go to lots of things.

I'm relieved I haven't gotten flamed for being done with my in laws.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2017 14:39     Subject: Ok to just send DH and DD to in laws?
Anonymous wrote:Go to Thanksgiving, as it's so close.

Do DH & DD even need to go to the other events? Or just one? That seems a bit much.

Why Christmas Eve? Do you do Christmas in your own home?


NP but if my uncle or cousin was coming into town i'd head over to my parents house to see them. I don't think my DH would need to go, but I love hanging out with my family.