Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry . I am telling you though, he did you a giant favor. I know you can't see that now but you will one day. You don't miss him, you miss what you thought he was. If you want to get through this and build strength, ask yourself what you weren't willing to see or what you were willing to forgive. There is your answer.

Can you expand on the last part?

NP here. I can answer what I wasn't willing to see it was willing to forgive. XDH was not husband material. Fun to date but not to built a life with. So I made the wrong choice in being with him. How do I forgive myself and how do I fall out of love?

Hi, I mean that the answer as to why he left was probably there all along. Is he super conflict avoidant? Is she (the OP) hard to reason with? Is he stuck on someone else? Is he afraid of commitment? It's there. Most people break up, they don't disappear. If he disappeared then she has to take a hard look at him, and at herself. That's the hard but necessary part.

Anonymous wrote:My fellow ladies - the lesson is the same whether you are 18, 25, or 43 - do not give up the goods. You will feel used once he leaves you. Wait for a man that is willing to wait for you. They exist!

Maybe women truly enjoy sex and don't think of it as being used.

My fellow ladies - the lesson is the same whether you are 18, 25, or 43 - do not give up the goods. You will feel used once he leaves you. Wait for a man that is willing to wait for you. They exist!

Age has nothing to do with this. Someone I thought (for a short two-three months or so) was my soulmate ended up all but disappearing on me after what I thought was a great relationship. He did apologize to me about a year after that, and admitted that his friends all wondered what was wrong with him to walk away from what they all also thought was a great relationship. He claimed that he didn't know what happened exactly. By the time we met to have coffee, and he apologized, I was already dating my husband and unwilling to jeopardize that, so he couldn't have a do-over.

Seven years later, I'm super happily married with an awesome kid and he's still looking for "the one." My theory is that he's utterly scared to commit, but really, the reason doesn't matter.

Most likely, OP, it's truly not you, it's them. Keep your chin up and you'll meet another one. Hugs.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry . I am telling you though, he did you a giant favor. I know you can't see that now but you will one day. You don't miss him, you miss what you thought he was. If you want to get through this and build strength, ask yourself what you weren't willing to see or what you were willing to forgive. There is your answer.

Can you expand on the last part?

NP here. I can answer what I wasn't willing to see it was willing to forgive. XDH was not husband material. Fun to date but not to built a life with. So I made the wrong choice in being with him. How do I forgive myself and how do I fall out of love?

A big hug to you!

I can totally appreciate that this is a very sad time, and unexpected too. First, think back on any tough time in your life and what has comforted you, truly, deep down (not in the Ben and Jerry's sense of comfort)? You want to honor that you need to take care of yourself right now to help recover from a blow of missing what might have been, of missing him, of missing being together.

Some things that helped me when I was going through a divorce: I went walking a lot with my iPod on my favorite music of my youth. You can go walking at the mall or at a gym if it's too cold outside. I had some friends who made me laugh, I'd email with them and have coffee dates with them. I escaped a lot into junky fun mystery novels. I had a journal and made myself write down all the great things that happened to me: I found a beautiful leaf, I heard a song I loved, I read a great Janet Evanovich novel...

Second, you want to find a way to create closure (not dramatic crazy Spanish soap opera) but closure for yourself because he just disappeared rather than formally breaking up with you. You could write him a letter (don't send it) to tell him goodbye and then burn in a fireplace, as a farewell to him. You could mock write out his eulogy as if he died. You could give away his things to goodwill. Etc. In other words, find a way to resolve that bad feeling of not ending things with him and that keeps you wishing he'd come back.

Whenever I miss my mother I eat a small piece of chocolate. She loved chocolate. It reminds me of how much I love her. In my case this case helps me honor her and makes me feel better. I get that he's not dead, but I'm suggesting you find a way to greive and then move on.

Anonymous wrote:I've been ghosted a dozen times by women from OLD. Enough times that I don't feel a bit bad doing it myself. Thinking about doing it with the girl I'm seeing now.

Why do men do it? Because we can. I'm 52, divorced, and can easily get a date for every day of the week (some of them in their 20s).

As a woman that is half your age, please know that I'm not one that is even willing to think about dating a 50-something year old man. I want a man that has stamina and can always get it up for Christ sake.

-A woman that is tired of being hit on by men my father's age that think they're hot shit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been ghosted a dozen times by women from OLD. Enough times that I don't feel a bit bad doing it myself. Thinking about doing it with the girl I'm seeing now.

Why do men do it? Because we can. I'm 52, divorced, and can easily get a date for every day of the week (some of them in their 20s).

Men and women don't ghost because they 'can'. They ghost because the lack maturity and integrity. You clearly lack maturity if the reason you feel comfortable doing it is because it's been done to you. My childhood was filled with abuse. I don't abuse others, even though it was done to me many times, because it's wrong.

And, being able to get a date every day of the week (no matter the person's age) isn't really notable. You're just indiscriminate.

This. I know of so many wounded warriors like this too. To your point, two "5s" don't make a "10".

In truth, this guy wasn’t even a good friend to you, let alone a good boyfriend, if he could treat you so callously after nine months together. His behavior reflects a deep flaw in his character that would certainly have impacted your relationship.

The relationship you had was not everything you thought it was - it’s likely he was still exploring other possibilities while you were together. I understand that you’ll miss him, but again - he wasn’t the person you thought he was. It’s important that you recognize that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been ghosted a dozen times by women from OLD. Enough times that I don't feel a bit bad doing it myself. Thinking about doing it with the girl I'm seeing now.

Why do men do it? Because we can. I'm 52, divorced, and can easily get a date for every day of the week (some of them in their 20s).

Men and women don't ghost because they 'can'. They ghost because the lack maturity and integrity. You clearly lack maturity if the reason you feel comfortable doing it is because it's been done to you. My childhood was filled with abuse. I don't abuse others, even though it was done to me many times, because it's wrong.

And, being able to get a date every day of the week (no matter the person's age) isn't really notable. You're just indiscriminate.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I've been ghosted a dozen times by women from OLD. Enough times that I don't feel a bit bad doing it myself. Thinking about doing it with the girl I'm seeing now.

Why do men do it? Because we can. I'm 52, divorced, and can easily get a date for every day of the week (some of them in their 20s).

If you want to be with ugly chicks in their twenties go for it. They enjoy taking your money.

His loss....

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry . I am telling you though, he did you a giant favor. I know you can't see that now but you will one day. You don't miss him, you miss what you thought he was. If you want to get through this and build strength, ask yourself what you weren't willing to see or what you were willing to forgive. There is your answer.

I agree. If he were the guy you thought he was, he wouldn't have ghosted you like this.

Anonymous wrote:I've been ghosted a dozen times by women from OLD. Enough times that I don't feel a bit bad doing it myself. Thinking about doing it with the girl I'm seeing now.

Why do men do it? Because we can. I'm 52, divorced, and can easily get a date for every day of the week (some of them in their 20s).

Men and women don't ghost because they 'can'. They ghost because the lack maturity and integrity. You clearly lack maturity if the reason you feel comfortable doing it is because it's been done to you. My childhood was filled with abuse. I don't abuse others, even though it was done to me many times, because it's wrong.

And, being able to get a date every day of the week (no matter the person's age) isn't really notable. You're just indiscriminate.

I've been ghosted a dozen times by women from OLD. Enough times that I don't feel a bit bad doing it myself. Thinking about doing it with the girl I'm seeing now.

Why do men do it? Because we can. I'm 52, divorced, and can easily get a date for every day of the week (some of them in their 20s).