Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a "when they go low, we go high" moment. You clearly can't say anything bad to your kid about his grandma because he'll definitely repeat it back to her. And really, dirty windows... so what?

+1000 Windows, schmindows! Whenever he comes at you with something like this, you smile at him and say happily (not snarkily) "Oh, that Grandma! That's why we love her! Now, Laslo, tell me about your day. Did you...?". Practice in front of a mirror until you get it right. You will be setting the tone for all future interactions!

What is why we love her, exactly? Because she's a snarky witch who always makes snide comments? I think that's actually a horrible way to raise children. Maybe this is why everyone keeps telling us that our kids are so lovely - we'd never EVER say that. Next thing you know, your son would be walking into someone's house with an air of arrogance remarking that the windows are filthy. Is that really what you want?

Anyway, to the first PP here, so what if he repeats it back to her? I'd absolutely say to my child, "unfortunately Grandma hasn't learned yet how to be polite, and that it's nasty to make rude comments about things that are none of her business". If it gets back to her, that's fine. It's nothing I wouldn't say directly to her face. And actually I would probably raise it directly with her anyway. I wouldn't want my children getting the message that behavior like that is even acceptable, let alone something to be admired.

Yikes. You sound lovely. What a wonderful role model you are for your child. Sigh.

From all reports, I'm a wonderful mother and our kids are wonderful too, so your sighs and sarcasm aren't warranted.

FYI "lovely" isn't the same as doormat. There's nothing wrong with explaining that inappropriate behavior is inappropriate. In fact, if more parents did this then I'd be willing to bet that kids would be much better behaved these days. When these situations come up, it's better to do that than just ignoring it or, worse still, actually glamorizing it as the PP suggested. You can't tell your kids one thing while they see the respected adults in their lives do the total opposite.

I guess "wonderful" is subjective then. Because I don't think that you are a "wonderful" mother if you are teaching your child that responding to a rude response with a rude response is okay. But you do what you're going to do and the rest of us will think what we think. The PP was not "glamorizing" it, she was teaching her child that you accept what someone is saying and move on. The PP's response accepted her mother as she is and was training her child to do the same. It is a shame that you can't see this.

Anonymous wrote:DH when I get worked up about stuff his mother says: “You can’t change a 70 year old woman. She’ll be gone (dead) before we know it, so let’s just move on and enjoy the time we have.”

DH has the patience of a saint with his parents and mine.

Anonymous wrote:Shortly after my parents visited a few weeks ago, my DS, age 4, declared out of nowhere, "This house needs work!" It's strange phrasing for a 4 year old, so I asked him who said that. Grandma said that, he said. I believe him because my mother has always been a nitpicky, critical person quick to say something negative, especially when it comes to homes, cleanliness, how someone dresses. I asked him what else she said. He then said the windows are dirty. Yup, that's my mom.

Do I confront her on this or let it go? We see my parents only once every other month. She'd deny it over and over or respond with something manipulative, i.e. "I'm just concerned about my grandson living in a dirty house" and then ask if we have money problems. This is someone who never says she's sorry or self-reflects unless someone really laces into her. I've seen it over the years. She's become even more stubborn with age.

DS obviously isn't old enough to explain that grandma has a lot to say about things she has no control over. This is who she is and I know she's lost friends over not being able to keep her mouth shut.

I get it, I know we're behind on things here and DH and I do the best we can with very little time to spare. I don't need her knocking the house and our ability to keep it clean, especially shooting off remarks in front of my kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a "when they go low, we go high" moment. You clearly can't say anything bad to your kid about his grandma because he'll definitely repeat it back to her. And really, dirty windows... so what?

+1000 Windows, schmindows! Whenever he comes at you with something like this, you smile at him and say happily (not snarkily) "Oh, that Grandma! That's why we love her! Now, Laslo, tell me about your day. Did you...?". Practice in front of a mirror until you get it right. You will be setting the tone for all future interactions!

What is why we love her, exactly? Because she's a snarky witch who always makes snide comments? I think that's actually a horrible way to raise children. Maybe this is why everyone keeps telling us that our kids are so lovely - we'd never EVER say that. Next thing you know, your son would be walking into someone's house with an air of arrogance remarking that the windows are filthy. Is that really what you want?

Anyway, to the first PP here, so what if he repeats it back to her? I'd absolutely say to my child, "unfortunately Grandma hasn't learned yet how to be polite, and that it's nasty to make rude comments about things that are none of her business". If it gets back to her, that's fine. It's nothing I wouldn't say directly to her face. And actually I would probably raise it directly with her anyway. I wouldn't want my children getting the message that behavior like that is even acceptable, let alone something to be admired.

Yikes. You sound lovely. What a wonderful role model you are for your child. Sigh.

From all reports, I'm a wonderful mother and our kids are wonderful too, so your sighs and sarcasm aren't warranted.

FYI "lovely" isn't the same as doormat. There's nothing wrong with explaining that inappropriate behavior is inappropriate. In fact, if more parents did this then I'd be willing to bet that kids would be much better behaved these days. When these situations come up, it's better to do that than just ignoring it or, worse still, actually glamorizing it as the PP suggested. You can't tell your kids one thing while they see the respected adults in their lives do the total opposite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a "when they go low, we go high" moment. You clearly can't say anything bad to your kid about his grandma because he'll definitely repeat it back to her. And really, dirty windows... so what?

+1000 Windows, schmindows! Whenever he comes at you with something like this, you smile at him and say happily (not snarkily) "Oh, that Grandma! That's why we love her! Now, Laslo, tell me about your day. Did you...?". Practice in front of a mirror until you get it right. You will be setting the tone for all future interactions!

What is why we love her, exactly? Because she's a snarky witch who always makes snide comments? I think that's actually a horrible way to raise children. Maybe this is why everyone keeps telling us that our kids are so lovely - we'd never EVER say that. Next thing you know, your son would be walking into someone's house with an air of arrogance remarking that the windows are filthy. Is that really what you want?

Anyway, to the first PP here, so what if he repeats it back to her? I'd absolutely say to my child, "unfortunately Grandma hasn't learned yet how to be polite, and that it's nasty to make rude comments about things that are none of her business". If it gets back to her, that's fine. It's nothing I wouldn't say directly to her face. And actually I would probably raise it directly with her anyway. I wouldn't want my children getting the message that behavior like that is even acceptable, let alone something to be admired.

Yikes. You sound lovely. What a wonderful role model you are for your child. Sigh.

From all reports, I'm a wonderful mother and our kids are wonderful too, so your sighs and sarcasm aren't warranted.

FYI "lovely" isn't the same as doormat. There's nothing wrong with explaining that inappropriate behavior is inappropriate. In fact, if more parents did this then I'd be willing to bet that kids would be much better behaved these days. When these situations come up, it's better to do that than just ignoring it or, worse still, actually glamorizing it as the PP suggested. You can't tell your kids one thing while they see the respected adults in their lives do the total opposite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a "when they go low, we go high" moment. You clearly can't say anything bad to your kid about his grandma because he'll definitely repeat it back to her. And really, dirty windows... so what?

+1000 Windows, schmindows! Whenever he comes at you with something like this, you smile at him and say happily (not snarkily) "Oh, that Grandma! That's why we love her! Now, Laslo, tell me about your day. Did you...?". Practice in front of a mirror until you get it right. You will be setting the tone for all future interactions!

What is why we love her, exactly? Because she's a snarky witch who always makes snide comments? I think that's actually a horrible way to raise children. Maybe this is why everyone keeps telling us that our kids are so lovely - we'd never EVER say that. Next thing you know, your son would be walking into someone's house with an air of arrogance remarking that the windows are filthy. Is that really what you want?

Anyway, to the first PP here, so what if he repeats it back to her? I'd absolutely say to my child, "unfortunately Grandma hasn't learned yet how to be polite, and that it's nasty to make rude comments about things that are none of her business". If it gets back to her, that's fine. It's nothing I wouldn't say directly to her face. And actually I would probably raise it directly with her anyway. I wouldn't want my children getting the message that behavior like that is even acceptable, let alone something to be admired.

Yikes. You sound lovely. What a wonderful role model you are for your child. Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother can be very negative - though luckily her current medication seems to be helping more. I have learned to smile, nod and distance myself as needed to not be bothered by it.

Try not to take it personally. My ILs are wonderful people but can't be still. When they visited us last month they took it upon themselves to wash all all of our living room and dining room windows. I feel bad that that's what they felt that they needed to do on their vacation, but I also know that FIL in particular ALWAYS needs a project when he visits so if that's what he wanted to do I'm happy to let him We live in an old house and the kids KNOW that it needs work because we're constantly working on it.

My dad is like this. I always have a list for him when he visits. He LOVES helping me out with my house (old, kinda creaky, needs work but is very very solid), and loves when I have a few projects for him to tackle, better still if I'm doing it with him. So, if you don't want them to find chores (although window washing is better than taking apart your kitchen shelving and re-organizing it), make a list! FIL might love it.

Anonymous wrote:My mother can be very negative - though luckily her current medication seems to be helping more. I have learned to smile, nod and distance myself as needed to not be bothered by it.

Try not to take it personally. My ILs are wonderful people but can't be still. When they visited us last month they took it upon themselves to wash all all of our living room and dining room windows. I feel bad that that's what they felt that they needed to do on their vacation, but I also know that FIL in particular ALWAYS needs a project when he visits so if that's what he wanted to do I'm happy to let him We live in an old house and the kids KNOW that it needs work because we're constantly working on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a "when they go low, we go high" moment. You clearly can't say anything bad to your kid about his grandma because he'll definitely repeat it back to her. And really, dirty windows... so what?

+1000 Windows, schmindows! Whenever he comes at you with something like this, you smile at him and say happily (not snarkily) "Oh, that Grandma! That's why we love her! Now, Laslo, tell me about your day. Did you...?". Practice in front of a mirror until you get it right. You will be setting the tone for all future interactions!

What is why we love her, exactly? Because she's a snarky witch who always makes snide comments? I think that's actually a horrible way to raise children. Maybe this is why everyone keeps telling us that our kids are so lovely - we'd never EVER say that. Next thing you know, your son would be walking into someone's house with an air of arrogance remarking that the windows are filthy. Is that really what you want?

Anyway, to the first PP here, so what if he repeats it back to her? I'd absolutely say to my child, "unfortunately Grandma hasn't learned yet how to be polite, and that it's nasty to make rude comments about things that are none of her business". If it gets back to her, that's fine. It's nothing I wouldn't say directly to her face. And actually I would probably raise it directly with her anyway. I wouldn't want my children getting the message that behavior like that is even acceptable, let alone something to be admired.