Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 11:56     Subject: Bus bullying
OP where is your son sitting? Is the front seat reserved for him? At many schools, the front seats are officially reserved for K and/or 1st graders. Who is your son sitting with? Are there other kindergarteners or first graders on the bus who can and do sit with him? Does your son get on the bus in the mornings before or after the 5th grader?

Where is the 5th grader sitting? Who is the 5th grader sitting with? At many elementaries 5th graders are patrols so they have a role to play and a level of responsibility. Is this not the case at your school? Is the 5th grader picking on your son for the entire trip, or only during a certain moment? Is this happening in the afternoon too? Is the 5th grader picking on any other children this year? Is the afternoon dynamic different from the morning dynamic? What does the bus driver say? Is the school counselor already aware of the situation?
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 11:43     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes I totally agree! The bus driver needs to focus on driving and the school has been good about the issue. I know dealing with these situations is a part of life but it's tough to swallow when your carefree 5 year old is being told "I hate you" from someone who is old enough to understand it's inappropriate.


Why can't everyone just love your adorable happy little kid and think everything he says and does is just awesome ???

You are expecting adult behavior from a 5th grader. Unfortunately, they aren't there yet and can easily find the carefree, happy, always wants to be involved, annoying and not cute and adorable. My DD has been the older kid dealing with the younger kids and even though she is very kind and patient even she would get fed up after a while. She described it as
give the little kids an inch and they take a mile kind of thing.




No one is expecting adult behavior...I think we are expecting a 5th grader to act like a 5th grader. It says a lot that THIS 5th grader is even picking on a K. Most 5th graders I know have an indifferent tolerance of the Ks. They certainly are not singling them out to pick on them.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 11:42     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes I totally agree! The bus driver needs to focus on driving and the school has been good about the issue. I know dealing with these situations is a part of life but it's tough to swallow when your carefree 5 year old is being told "I hate you" from someone who is old enough to understand it's inappropriate.


Why can't everyone just love your adorable happy little kid and think everything he says and does is just awesome ???

You are expecting adult behavior from a 5th grader. Unfortunately, they aren't there yet and can easily find the carefree, happy, always wants to be involved, annoying and not cute and adorable. My DD has been the older kid dealing with the younger kids and even though she is very kind and patient even she would get fed up after a while. She described it as
give the little kids an inch and they take a mile kind of thing.




This is why we have bullies. Excusing a bad behavior. The 5th grader went far and beyond just getting annoyed and giving reactions, and has a history of doing the same thing in prior years. They might be kids and might get impatient but at that age, they should also know how to properly say it, the way the 5th grader did it was not OK in any sense.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 11:41     Subject: Re:Bus bullying
Wow...some of you folks must be delights. OP did not ask you about whether she should move her kid out of the immersion program. Thus, if you cannot answer the questions she asked, you should sit this one out. No one wants to hear your judgmental snarkiness about the decision that OP made.

OP, if you have not done so, fill out the form. As PP mentioned, that starts the official process. Follow up with emails to the P, AP. Counselor and teacher. The teacher is important because she will be the one who sees your son's mood and the immediate aftermath of the bus ride. I know it is hard for a 5YO, but the key is to ignore the bully. They thrive on the reaction and attention. If your son does not pay him any mind, he will move on. But that is so tough with a 5YO - they take everything to heart.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 11:38     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes I totally agree! The bus driver needs to focus on driving and the school has been good about the issue. I know dealing with these situations is a part of life but it's tough to swallow when your carefree 5 year old is being told "I hate you" from someone who is old enough to understand it's inappropriate.


Why can't everyone just love your adorable happy little kid and think everything he says and does is just awesome ???

You are expecting adult behavior from a 5th grader. Unfortunately, they aren't there yet and can easily find the carefree, happy, always wants to be involved, annoying and not cute and adorable. My DD has been the older kid dealing with the younger kids and even though she is very kind and patient even she would get fed up after a while. She described it as
give the little kids an inch and they take a mile kind of thing.




I think that it's age-appropriate to expect a 10-11-year-old to refrain from saying "I hate you" to a kindergartner (or anybody else at school).
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 11:30     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:Yes I totally agree! The bus driver needs to focus on driving and the school has been good about the issue. I know dealing with these situations is a part of life but it's tough to swallow when your carefree 5 year old is being told "I hate you" from someone who is old enough to understand it's inappropriate.


Why can't everyone just love your adorable happy little kid and think everything he says and does is just awesome ???

You are expecting adult behavior from a 5th grader. Unfortunately, they aren't there yet and can easily find the carefree, happy, always wants to be involved, annoying and not cute and adorable. My DD has been the older kid dealing with the younger kids and even though she is very kind and patient even she would get fed up after a while. She described it as
give the little kids an inch and they take a mile kind of thing.


Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 11:14     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you put a 5yr old on a long bus drive? Honestly. These long bus drives for stupid lottery programs are insane. Give the kid a normal life in a school with neighborhood friends.


This and your 5 year old isn't mature FYI. You sound like you're enabling by assigning to much blame to the 5th grader. Putting kids on long bus rides is a recipe for this, hell they don't always behave on long car rides with their parents. If I lived in the east county I would do private instead of these opt in programs if you are really looking for better enrichment or peer group.


A ten or eleven year old is absolutely to blame for bullying a kindergartener on the bus. In what world is the five year old, who says "leave me alone" to blame? Parent comes here asking for advice on how to deal w a bully on the bus and ends up getting attacked as an "enabler," as someone who doesn't understand her own kid, and someone who should be sending her kid to private. Get a life.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 10:51     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you put a 5yr old on a long bus drive? Honestly. These long bus drives for stupid lottery programs are insane. Give the kid a normal life in a school with neighborhood friends.


This and your 5 year old isn't mature FYI. You sound like you're enabling by assigning to much blame to the 5th grader. Putting kids on long bus rides is a recipe for this, hell they don't always behave on long car rides with their parents. If I lived in the east county I would do private instead of these opt in programs if you are really looking for better enrichment or peer group.


Well good for you. That is not what OP asked about. She didn’t mention where she lives, and she didn’t mention that she was contemplating (or even had the option to) move her kid to private.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 10:44     Subject: Bus bullying
I know it's not related to your question OP, but there might be some point on the "support group". Based on personal experience and other parents that I know, the kids who go to the neighborhood school and who bus together seem to have a better bond at school and at home. They have that continuity of community feeling. I did not realize this until towards the end of 1st. I only knew about it because some parents left the school and we have kept in touch. For the most part, it was a lot easier for kids to get together if there is continuity from school to neighborhood, they are a lot happier in our experience. I'm not saying pull out your kid now, but this might be a relevant information for you.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 10:28     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you put a 5yr old on a long bus drive? Honestly. These long bus drives for stupid lottery programs are insane. Give the kid a normal life in a school with neighborhood friends.


This and your 5 year old isn't mature FYI. You sound like you're enabling by assigning to much blame to the 5th grader. Putting kids on long bus rides is a recipe for this, hell they don't always behave on long car rides with their parents. If I lived in the east county I would do private instead of these opt in programs if you are really looking for better enrichment or peer group.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 09:47     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you put a 5yr old on a long bus drive? Honestly. These long bus drives for stupid lottery programs are insane. Give the kid a normal life in a school with neighborhood friends.


+1

Poor kid is probably mentally and physically exhausted with no support group.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 09:45     Subject: Re:Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If I were in your shoes, I would drive my child to school until I get an appropriate solution from the school. It might be also a good idea to teach your son how to deal with situations like this?


Do you have any suggestions for the OP I’m how to help her kid handle this? Not the OP but our ES has had lots of bus issues so would be glad to hear suggestions.

It’s definitely tough. We’ve had issues where kids are not keeping their hands to themselves and only so many kids can sit at the front of the bus.

I’m the PP that suggested driving. Honestly, I wouldn’t make my older teenage DD continue to ride a Metro Bus if there was someone on the bus harassing her. Seems unfair to make my younger kid ride the bus under these circumstances! It’s tough for the one bus driver to focus on driving and also police 30 kids. Stuff is just going to happen.

Also FWIW, we have theee different bus drivers that drive our route. It would be tough to fill all of them in on every incident.

OP, is it always the same driver in your case?


PP here, during PK to K, my child's school would usually have a session for the whole class to talk about dealing with people who bother them. They taught them how to ignore, because I guess kids can be annoying sometimes at that age, and seems to help. The only encounter that I remembered is seeing a group of 2nd grader girls taunting the younger kids for no reason. I spoke to my child and said that is not proper and that if they do it again, speak up or tell the teacher. DC did both and the teacher talked to the mean kids, they stopped. I think this incident fostered trust in my DC.

I also have a friend who's child is a bully. I spoke to my friend about her child's actions, I think they talked to the child and he mellowed a bit. My DC still plays with this child but I'm usually close by because there are outbursts from the other child sometimes, at the same time I teach my DC how to respond so he can resolve the issue because I want DC to know how to respond when I am not around.

I think OP still needs to talk to the school, but at the same time take this opportunity to teach your K.


THank you! I agree that ignoring is a good option. Sometimes it’s still tough for a K kid to handle a 5th grade. Tough situation.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 09:21     Subject: Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you put a 5yr old on a long bus drive? Honestly. These long bus drives for stupid lottery programs are insane. Give the kid a normal life in a school with neighborhood friends.


Two questions the OP asked: Anyone dealt with bus bullies? How did it get resolved?

One question the OP did NOT ask: Should I take my kid out of the immersion program and put him back in the home school?

Do you have any answers for the questions the OP did ask?
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 09:18     Subject: Bus bullying
OP, why would you put a 5yr old on a long bus drive? Honestly. These long bus drives for stupid lottery programs are insane. Give the kid a normal life in a school with neighborhood friends.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2017 09:07     Subject: Re:Bus bullying
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If I were in your shoes, I would drive my child to school until I get an appropriate solution from the school. It might be also a good idea to teach your son how to deal with situations like this?


Do you have any suggestions for the OP I’m how to help her kid handle this? Not the OP but our ES has had lots of bus issues so would be glad to hear suggestions.

It’s definitely tough. We’ve had issues where kids are not keeping their hands to themselves and only so many kids can sit at the front of the bus.

I’m the PP that suggested driving. Honestly, I wouldn’t make my older teenage DD continue to ride a Metro Bus if there was someone on the bus harassing her. Seems unfair to make my younger kid ride the bus under these circumstances! It’s tough for the one bus driver to focus on driving and also police 30 kids. Stuff is just going to happen.

Also FWIW, we have theee different bus drivers that drive our route. It would be tough to fill all of them in on every incident.

OP, is it always the same driver in your case?


PP here, during PK to K, my child's school would usually have a session for the whole class to talk about dealing with people who bother them. They taught them how to ignore, because I guess kids can be annoying sometimes at that age, and seems to help. The only encounter that I remembered is seeing a group of 2nd grader girls taunting the younger kids for no reason. I spoke to my child and said that is not proper and that if they do it again, speak up or tell the teacher. DC did both and the teacher talked to the mean kids, they stopped. I think this incident fostered trust in my DC.

I also have a friend who's child is a bully. I spoke to my friend about her child's actions, I think they talked to the child and he mellowed a bit. My DC still plays with this child but I'm usually close by because there are outbursts from the other child sometimes, at the same time I teach my DC how to respond so he can resolve the issue because I want DC to know how to respond when I am not around.

I think OP still needs to talk to the school, but at the same time take this opportunity to teach your K.