Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 16:25     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:Especially when it’s non-reciprocated.

A neighbor recently had twins. We share a bus stop, and they asked if I wouldn’t mind taking their kids to the bus stop with mine “for a few weeks”. Well, it’s been a few weeks and it doesn’t seem they are in any hurry to resume their children’s transportation.

I agreed at first because they said they were adjusting and it would be helpful, and would be more convenient for the mom to not have to load the twins in the car to drive two blocks. Well, I am also inconvenienced (slightly), because I’m leaving 10 minutes earlier than I usually would to ensure I have time to fetch the other kids. We all know that’s precious time in the AM.

But by now, I am sure the parents have a routine down, right? Do I just flat out ask them if they are ready to take back their kids?



I totally get why you feel this way, OP. I had a similar situation at work. This mother was ALWAYS asking me to take her later Saturday shift. It became a burden because that wasn't my shift and I didn't want it! I lied and said I had a new commitment on Saturday afternoons and couldn't switch, she was fine with it.

But I always felt like crap about it whenever I'd see another parent struggle to manage all of their commitments. Why couldn't I have just helped out a little longer. She was so appreciative of it and I really wasn't that terribly inconvenience. It's more of a moral thing.


Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 16:21     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:I would tell the other mom that her kid needs to come knock on your door and be ready. You just don't have time to make sure they're there on time and they need to be waiting on you.


OP, this is what I would do too. Depending on how far the neighbor is from you (can you see each other's houses from your front door?) i'd tell the mom that after next week you won't be able to pick up her kid, but if they can be at your house at 7:30, you'd be able to give them a ride to the bus stop.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 16:19     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am shocked that everyone is attacking OP. I think you are being taken advantage of and, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but ten minutes in the morning is a lot.

Tell her that you can give her another week, but then your schedule is changing.

It was nice of you to do it for three weeks!


+1. All of the PPs who attacked the OP - are you schlepping your dear neighbors kids anywhere on a daily basis for a year? Only those who do are entitled to be indignant here.


I do better. For a few weeks every summer I care for my best friend's kid ALL DAY, along with mine. I am also the go-to driver for my friends (surgery, etc) or take care of their kids, since they work and I don't. It takes way more than 10 minutes daily.

I agree OP needs a firm end date. The reason she was attacked is that she was clearly so ignorant and dismissive about the complications of having twins.
I hope she asks when these parents can handle their older kids, and that she also learns a lesson in empathy.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 16:18     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:I am shocked that everyone is attacking OP. I think you are being taken advantage of and, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but ten minutes in the morning is a lot.

Tell her that you can give her another week, but then your schedule is changing.

It was nice of you to do it for three weeks!


I agree and I am not a cold hearted person. I think it's great that you have helped her this far but she should be getting back into the routine. Or, she can start paying you for the 'help'.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 16:16     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am shocked that everyone is attacking OP. I think you are being taken advantage of and, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but ten minutes in the morning is a lot.

Tell her that you can give her another week, but then your schedule is changing.

It was nice of you to do it for three weeks!


+1. All of the PPs who attacked the OP - are you schlepping your dear neighbors kids anywhere on a daily basis for a year? Only those who do are entitled to be indignant here.



So we have to be in the exact same and identical situation to judge if OP is being selfish and unkind? I don't think so. Good neighbors and friends make sacrifices for each other - and this is ten minutes. Not a huge sacrifice. Come on, PP. It is ten minutes.

Pay it forward.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 16:13     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:I am shocked that everyone is attacking OP. I think you are being taken advantage of and, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but ten minutes in the morning is a lot.

Tell her that you can give her another week, but then your schedule is changing.

It was nice of you to do it for three weeks!


+1. All of the PPs who attacked the OP - are you schlepping your dear neighbors kids anywhere on a daily basis for a year? Only those who do are entitled to be indignant here.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 16:05     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
I see both perspectives here. I had newborn twins at one point and holy moly that is no joke!! However, I agree with OP that it would be nice to at least know when this agreeement ends. At first it’s a kind gesture but the parents shouldn’t take advantage of the OP. I also believe it depends on how close the OP is to this mother. I would give it another couple weeks and then check in.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:46     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Look, OP if you are going to stop doing this favor for her then give her plenty of warning and don't pull any passive aggressive stuff. Tell her, "Mary, I'll be able to keep driving Larla and Larlo until Nov 6."

However, know this. You are doing GOD's work by helping this woman out. Caring for newborn twins is like going to battle every day. It is rough, as any mom of twins can attest to (though maybe not as your memory of the trauma is often wiped!) So please know that this woman very much needs the help you have been offering. She is not lounging about contemplating her manicure. If you think you can continue, I would urge you to do so. If not, let her know when you will stop with as much warning as possible.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:42     Subject: Re:At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:10 precious minutes

10 PRECIOUS MINUTES !

I've seen some straight up mean crap on here but this takes the grand prize.

This isn’t fair. You have no clue what OP heads to after dropping her kids. Maybe HER additional 10 minutes ARE precious to her.

She DID the favor for WEEKS! It’s not as if she told this Mom, f-you, figure it out! She helped! Now she wants HER time back.

I don’t know about you, but 10 extra minutes of sleep, 10 minutes to check email and have coffee in peace, 10 minutes to get ready, those are all big deals to me in the morning before work. Shame on your for judging.

No advice, but I get it.


Yeah, I don't get it. Maybe it's because my sister had twins. It is brutal in the beginning. Just brutal. The sacrifice of giving up 10 minutes of time just doesn't compare to what this other mom is going through at the moment. And no, it's not OP's problem and the woman shouldn't have had kids she can't take care of and all that.

But that's just now how I would choose to go about living my life. Me, me, me. It's 10 minutes and a slight inconvenience that is probably MAJORLY helping someone else.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:40     Subject: Re:At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:Wait, why are any of you driving your children 2 blocks to the bus stop?

Get yourself some exercise OP and start walking and pick up her kids on the way.


This. Everyone walks.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:39     Subject: Re:At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:10 precious minutes

10 PRECIOUS MINUTES !

I've seen some straight up mean crap on here but this takes the grand prize.

This isn’t fair. You have no clue what OP heads to after dropping her kids. Maybe HER additional 10 minutes ARE precious to her.

She DID the favor for WEEKS! It’s not as if she told this Mom, f-you, figure it out! She helped! Now she wants HER time back.

I don’t know about you, but 10 extra minutes of sleep, 10 minutes to check email and have coffee in peace, 10 minutes to get ready, those are all big deals to me in the morning before work. Shame on your for judging.

No advice, but I get it.



Ten minutes to help a friend is too much to sacrifice? Wow - I am so grateful I actually have generous neighbors and friends. You are miserly.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:38     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
I would tell the other mom that her kid needs to come knock on your door and be ready. You just don't have time to make sure they're there on time and they need to be waiting on you.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:38     Subject: At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Weeks???
With twins?

Have a heart and do it until it starts to warm up again in the Spring, OP.

Omg, do people not know how to warm up their cars and keep them running? Will this woman and children hibernate ALL winter? Surely they travel other places, right?

I hate when people have more kids than they can handle and make it everyone else’s problem. It’s not OPs problem. I had winter babies and they all survived. Bundle them up and turn on the heat.


Wow. Ugly Mommy.

Yet you managed to make it back to work after your children were born, right PP? Did you teleport them to daycare, or did you drive them in your car?


I did not have newborn twins, UM, and two older kids to get to the bus stop.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:37     Subject: Re:At what point does a favor become a burden?
Anonymous wrote:10 precious minutes

10 PRECIOUS MINUTES !

I've seen some straight up mean crap on here but this takes the grand prize.

This isn’t fair. You have no clue what OP heads to after dropping her kids. Maybe HER additional 10 minutes ARE precious to her.

She DID the favor for WEEKS! It’s not as if she told this Mom, f-you, figure it out! She helped! Now she wants HER time back.

I don’t know about you, but 10 extra minutes of sleep, 10 minutes to check email and have coffee in peace, 10 minutes to get ready, those are all big deals to me in the morning before work. Shame on your for judging.

No advice, but I get it.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2017 15:36     Subject: Re:At what point does a favor become a burden?
Wait, why are any of you driving your children 2 blocks to the bus stop?

Get yourself some exercise OP and start walking and pick up her kids on the way.