Suck his d*ck every morning for a week and see if that does not change his tune!

This is very disturbing to read and I'm sorry there is such division in your home. Usually these kinds of things happen over a prolonged period of time, so I am wondering what worked its way into your marriage that triggered this distance between the two of you? This is not an issue about the children and the need to control their time, but rather it's more about personal character and how it defines the marriage. It almost appears to be a power struggle and the kids are sure to perceive it as such. They are getting front row seats to observe and learn how not to love a spouse. This climate in the home is setting the stage for the kids to shape their own views of marriage relationships and are now caught in the cross-fire.

The only way you can bring any resolution to this conflict is to expose the heart issue in each of you and what self-righteousness you are clinging to that is being used against the other. Hey I'm all for reading, and quality time, but unfortunately, this dissension is not about reading. It is a battle of the wills, and your children are the ones getting wounded.

If neither of you are capable of change, then ask God to intervene. Begin to pray about the future of your family and the direction your marriage is going in. Ask God to expose the hidden and buried resentments your husband carries around and why. A little bit of forgiveness goes a long way.

[url]http://bit.ly/2z03d9N

My heart goes out to you. To live under the heavy rule of oppression must hurt you both very badly. But please do not give resentment a foothold any longer. Stop the path of destruction destroying your home. You still have time. God still works miracles.

Read your post OP.

Your husband hates you but you don’t want to get divorced??!

Why would you want to spend the rest of your years sharing a home with someone who literally despises you?

You deserve so much more than this, but for some reason you do not feel like you do.

If you need therapy to gain the courage to leave this rat, then by all means do so.

It doesn't seem too bad to me for him to assert his own belief that he shouldn't have to enforce rules he doesn't agree with. It's better if you are both on the same page though as it relates to the kids. He should take the child to the therapist and hear it directly from them. Envying someone else's great wife is an insult. What do you do or say when he says things like that? Are your kids old enough you can ask them what they did all day instead of DH? It sounds like he has some resentment and bitterness over something, or that something else is making him in a foul mood like the kids or his job? Just take care of yourself and see if ignoring him helps any. Let his foulness lie with him. Don't adopt it as your problem. You're not worthy of being hated. He needs counseling preferably on his own to reflect on himself. It sounds like you are in a power struggle and that you are enmeshed in a bad way. Try to detach and only deal with him if you really have to.

Anonymous wrote:DH hates me but stays because of the kids. Yesterday he told me he didn’t agree to some of the rules I implemented months/years ago (about tv and daily reading) so he doesn’t feel compelled to enforce them if I’m not around. This is directly against what our child’s therapist tells us in terms of the need for consistency. The day before DH was telling me how he envies his friend’s life and included “great wife” in the reasons. I had to work yesterday and when I asked about what the kids did all day he told me it’s none of my business. Clearly he can’t stand me but I don’t want to get divorced. I guess I hope he might change his mind and stop despising me. Am I deluding myself? I am spiraling into depression over this.

OP I didn’t read the thread so not sure if anyone pointed this out, but what you are describing is emotional abuse. A huge red flag is his comparison of you to his friend’s spouse and using the term “great wife”. This is textbook narcissistic behavior; comparing you to someone else for the purpose of putting you down and making you feel inadequate and bad about yourself. There is nothing in the world that would make me stay with someone like that. Of course you’re spiraling into depression. Life it too short for this shit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they're not getting consistent parenting anyway and they're absorbing your husband's disdain for you, why are you staying for the kids? Look, I totally wold stay for the kids if it was a question of no passion or growing apart, but in the case of active hostility no way. Not good for anyone, esp kids. Sadly, they may end up absorbing your husband's disdain of you regardless but at least you can try to give them a stable and nurturing home half the time or so.

Yes, this. Sorry, OP.

So true. My mother hated my father the last five years of their marriage and the following ten years post-divorce. It was such a culture shock to see how other married parents act. It made me feel like I came from a broken home and wasn't worth of a family unit. Staying in a marriage with that type of underlying issue could really damage the kids inner voice once they realize majority of families act as a team, where as you and DH openly go against each others preferred parenting methods.

Really sorry you're dealing with this OP. It must be incredibly difficult to deal with day in and day out. But you deserve happiness, whatever that may look like for you.

Anonymous wrote:DH hates me but stays because of the kids. Yesterday he told me he didn’t agree to some of the rules I implemented months/years ago (about tv and daily reading) so he doesn’t feel compelled to enforce them if I’m not around. This is directly against what our child’s therapist tells us in terms of the need for consistency. The day before DH was telling me how he envies his friend’s life and included “great wife” in the reasons. I had to work yesterday and when I asked about what the kids did all day he told me it’s none of my business. Clearly he can’t stand me but I don’t want to get divorced. I guess I hope he might change his mind and stop despising me. Am I deluding myself? I am spiraling into depression over this.

Your husband tells you he envies his friend for having a great wife; he undermines you with your kids; he resents you; and he tells you that what your kids are doing is none of your business. Please explain why you want to spend one more minute of your precious life with this asshat.

My DH and I have completely different parenting styles, philosophy and priorities.
I don’t want the kids to watch TV and play video games all day, he doesn’t think kids should be forced to read, do extra work outside of school, or practice music regularly (even though we pay for lessons), and that if they watch TV and play video games most of the day, it’s fine.
It use to really frustrate me and we would argue about it, but I learned to let it go. When he has them, he does what he wants (he keeps them safe, feeds them, and hangs out with them.)
When I have the time and energy, I try to have them read daily, limit TV and make sure they practice their music. It’s not a perfect system, but the kids get it and it balances out. I simply ask that when we are both there and I trying to encourage other activities (including boards games and outside time), he doesn’t undermine me.
Once I stopped getting frustrated about how he did things, we have both been happier and better parents.
Plus, I always reminded myself that if we split over parenting issues, then my ability to influence the kids’ behavior would be cut in half due to losing half my time with them.