My fiance` does this now and it keeps me sane! I have no issue with this and it gives both of us a breather.

My Aunt (at the time w/3 kids) married a guy with a much younger child. Living together just didn't work for everyone. So they lived in separate houses a mile apart. Lived like that for years after the kids left the home. Seems to be working for them. About to hit 30 years.


https://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/09/15/realestate/living-apart-together.html

I think it makes a lot of sense. She has a retreat that she feels is her own space, and she's not disrupting the kids' lives by putting her stamp all over the place they consider home.

If they were 25 and just starting out together I would think it was really weird, but as older people with longer individual histories, and kids of his own to consider, I think it sounds great!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it sounds heavenly for all involved. Everyone, including the children, have the opportunity to more slowly transition into the family unit. Everyone gets their space. I think if there were children involved it would be weird.

no, it's weird.
- BTDT on the divorce, kids and re-marriage. No way either one of us would have accepted anything less than 100% commitment to the new blended family and new home (and we both still have our old homes - but they are rented and we consider them as assets, not safe havens to which either of us could "escape")

All the teens/tweens/20-something I know would love to have their parent alone without the entanglement of and "other" adult to deal with.

Maybe you should ask your kids. BTW, steps should not be 100% they are NOT the parent.

well maybe you have screwed up friends with screwed up kids. our kids would not want the non-bio parent to be out of the house. but you do you.

or maybe you don't know you own kids. None of the kids I know complain to their parent, they complain to their friends. They retreat to our house to get away.

#headinsand

do whatever you need to do so that you can pretend you sleep well at night. jeez, you are one clueless bitch.

I'm the first poster. Just as an FYI, the first one to call names pretty much loses the argument. You should've stopped with 'you do you'.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it sounds heavenly for all involved. Everyone, including the children, have the opportunity to more slowly transition into the family unit. Everyone gets their space. I think if there were children involved it would be weird.

no, it's weird.
- BTDT on the divorce, kids and re-marriage. No way either one of us would have accepted anything less than 100% commitment to the new blended family and new home (and we both still have our old homes - but they are rented and we consider them as assets, not safe havens to which either of us could "escape")

All the teens/tweens/20-something I know would love to have their parent alone without the entanglement of and "other" adult to deal with.

Maybe you should ask your kids. BTW, steps should not be 100% they are NOT the parent.

well maybe you have screwed up friends with screwed up kids. our kids would not want the non-bio parent to be out of the house. but you do you.

or maybe you don't know you own kids. None of the kids I know complain to their parent, they complain to their friends. They retreat to our house to get away.

#headinsand

do whatever you need to do so that you can pretend you sleep well at night. jeez, you are one clueless bitch.

I also think it's wonderful. Along the lines of having a retreat house where you can go to have quiet time and not be surrounded by all the daily chores, bills, etc., that there are in a primary home. Maybe some day she will sell it and buy a home at the beach.

Actually I think it's wonderful. Monogamous relationships sometimes need a little space.

Lucky her that she has that option!

And you're nasty for hoping they'll crash and burn.

If she hasn't been allowed to decorate, buy anything or have any opinion, I can understand how it feels and she's really just a visitor in the home. Or, if it was his home with his former wife, it could get uncomfortable. He needs to be more considerate.

Sounds like a dream. I would LOVE this arrangement. However, if I got divorced, no way in HELL would I move in with another person for many many years, if ever again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it sounds heavenly for all involved. Everyone, including the children, have the opportunity to more slowly transition into the family unit. Everyone gets their space. I think if there were children involved it would be weird.

no, it's weird.
- BTDT on the divorce, kids and re-marriage. No way either one of us would have accepted anything less than 100% commitment to the new blended family and new home (and we both still have our old homes - but they are rented and we consider them as assets, not safe havens to which either of us could "escape")

All the teens/tweens/20-something I know would love to have their parent alone without the entanglement of and "other" adult to deal with.

Maybe you should ask your kids. BTW, steps should not be 100% they are NOT the parent.

well maybe you have screwed up friends with screwed up kids. our kids would not want the non-bio parent to be out of the house. but you do you.

or maybe you don't know you own kids. None of the kids I know complain to their parent, they complain to their friends. They retreat to our house to get away.

#headinsand

I remember my father telling me about a family friend in the 1970s who was married, but she had her home, and he had his in the same town, or a town over). He thought it was odd, but it worked for them. No kids. No divorces. No entanglements.

Acceptance and MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care?

Maybe I’m the guy. ?

Are you?

No way. No guy would reference SATC, or even know what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it sounds heavenly for all involved. Everyone, including the children, have the opportunity to more slowly transition into the family unit. Everyone gets their space. I think if there were children involved it would be weird.

no, it's weird.
- BTDT on the divorce, kids and re-marriage. No way either one of us would have accepted anything less than 100% commitment to the new blended family and new home (and we both still have our old homes - but they are rented and we consider them as assets, not safe havens to which either of us could "escape")

All the teens/tweens/20-something I know would love to have their parent alone without the entanglement of and "other" adult to deal with.

Maybe you should ask your kids. BTW, steps should not be 100% they are NOT the parent.

well maybe you have screwed up friends with screwed up kids. our kids would not want the non-bio parent to be out of the house. but you do you.

If it works for them, then it’s fine.

This does not seem weird to me. Blended families find lots of ways to make it work and this sounds like a good one for everyone's sanity! If it is financially and geographically feasible, I say great.