I would not assume he is college bound.

I'd have a chat with him about alternatives to college. There are many good options out there for him that don't involve completing high school with a degree, and heading off to college, and if he plans to drink, smoke weed, and skip school, he should start making alternate plans for what he will do after this year. Maybe he can find an internship to apply for, or start looking into full time work somewhere, to be able to support himself when he turns 18.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have adult kids. Your son is 18. You have failed him. And there isn’t much you can do at this point. Harsh, but true.

Every single successful friend I have (meaning all of them- have fulfilling lives as adults at the ripe old age of 40) had failure parents then, bc I was the last to smoke weed ever at 19. and the last to try booze at 18

I wouldn’t be happy, I’d talk to him about it see what’s going on- nervous about applications, bored, just feeling like rebelling a bit? Etc - these are all normal human emotions and your job is to help guide him through them. I’d try to get a handle on how big a problem he has- good grades and smoking and drinking here and there - not that big a deal, but I’d try to have an honest conversation with him - I have a great relationship with my son, he does stupid stuff like most do, and we try to figure it out -

....... that's why we are so ready to let them leave for college!

It is just the beginning of senior year ........

Been there, done that, failed. They just get better at hiding it.

You probably can't stop it, but you can let him know its not okay with you. I vote yes to grounding while still in high school last opportunity before he graduates and go to college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not too old. But, I doubt I'd ground mine. Instead, I would take away all use of the car and all access to money except that which he earns.

That's basically grounding them.

I don't consider taking away privledged as grounding.

You can't stop his actions but you can stop your own which is spoiling a kid that is not earning the respect to get privledged.

You sometimes can't take away the car because they need it to get to work or school. But you can limit the hours they use it.

You can turn off their phone.

I thought that pretty much was the definition of grounding.

if he doesn't wanr toget grounded he can move out

Anonymous wrote:I have adult kids. Your son is 18. You have failed him. And there isn’t much you can do at this point. Harsh, but true.

Every single successful friend I have (meaning all of them- have fulfilling lives as adults at the ripe old age of 40) had failure parents then, bc I was the last to smoke weed ever at 19. and the last to try booze at 18

I took away car when similar thing happened. Not going to change it, but atleast he knows it is unacceptable to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not too old. But, I doubt I'd ground mine. Instead, I would take away all use of the car and all access to money except that which he earns.

That's basically grounding them.

I don't consider taking away privledged as grounding.

You can't stop his actions but you can stop your own which is spoiling a kid that is not earning the respect to get privledged.

You sometimes can't take away the car because they need it to get to work or school. But you can limit the hours they use it.

You can turn off their phone.

Have DH choke him up and tell him that if he thinks he's a man, he can get stomped out like a man. That worked for my son. He straightened right up after that.

How is son doing in school? I'd have a blind eye to some weed / alcohol if grades are on track.

I might instead realize this is a short period of time before he goes off to college. I would, instead, focus on the near future of college and what the future looks like. Once he has left, you could be very adamant that he is not welcomed back into your home if doing x or z. Whatever your rules are.

Well if he goes off to college and is found with weed and alcohol in his room, will the college ask themselves if he's too old to be expelled? Of course not. I would teach him that poor decisions have consequences.