You need to tell the family that YOU are not participating in any more gift exchanges.Or, you can say you are only spending XX amount of dollars vs previous years). You are giving them the heads up so they will take you off their list. If they continue to buy gifts, that's their problem. I don't know why this is so hard.

You can work it out by agreeing on something else. Come on, Christmas is the season of giving, so it would only feel natural to really give something. Try hosting a party then just do a food contribution instead of really focusing on giving out gifts.

'I would also be okay if they didn't give our kids gifts either.' I think that would make them feel a little sad. They're just kids. No need to reject the gifts given to them...

Anonymous wrote:Suggest (or have DH suggest) a secret santa exchange, as at least a starting point. Do you all get together on Christmas? Part of the fun is opening the presents and trying to guess who gave what. It is still about being together.

In our family, the adults do a secret santa, and everyone gives presents to the kids. Kids "graduate" into the secret santa around age 17 and stop getting presents from all the aunts/uncles.

Do you give/get presents from the older generation to the younger generations? Or is it just the middle generation of adults exchanging gifts? DH's parents really go all out and spend about $500 on each of us for Christmas. That's what I'd like to curtail. DH and I can't receive gifts like that without reciprocating and spending $1500 on his family for Christmas isn't in the budget. We also would feel bad only giving his parents $50 gifts if they give us $500.

Suggest (or have DH suggest) a secret santa exchange, as at least a starting point. Do you all get together on Christmas? Part of the fun is opening the presents and trying to guess who gave what. It is still about being together.

In our family, the adults do a secret santa, and everyone gives presents to the kids. Kids "graduate" into the secret santa around age 17 and stop getting presents from all the aunts/uncles.

Anonymous wrote:Why not leave the kids out too -- as you said, they have everything they could ever want.

Just stop giving gifts with extended family entirely. Make the holiday about being together, not watching each other pretend to be thrilled to get yet another expensive water bottle.

OP here. Yes this is what I want. How did you all come to this agreement though? It's hard for me to bring up because I'm just the inlaw, but I know that women are the ones who buy the gifts and do all the work, so it's weird coming from DH's mouth.

I'm not trying to be grinchy, truly. I just want to shift the focus of Christmas.

Why not leave the kids out too -- as you said, they have everything they could ever want.

Just stop giving gifts with extended family entirely. Make the holiday about being together, not watching each other pretend to be thrilled to get yet another expensive water bottle.